Tag Archives: workout

New Home Work-Out Program Called “Flatten Your Curves” Gaining Popularity

Work out with Jack to help flatten your curves.

Fargo, ND – Are you stuck at home trying to work and/or just survive?

Do you have a ton of snack food in your kitchen, pantry, and garage?

Is this pandemic quarantining causing you to gain some extra weight?

Well then, you need to start doing the Flatten Your Curves home workout program!

The Flatten Your Curves home workout system was scientifically designed by the government to help taxes payers stay healthy enough to continue paying their taxes.

By doing certain exercises in a particular order, you are almost guaranteed to flatten your curves, just like our country is trying to do against the Coronavirus.

If everyone does their part by working out at home, together we can flatten our curves just in time for summertime social distancing.

Dirk Benedict Steel Stomachs

Yes.  This is for real.  I don’t know about workouts but these make for some awesome dance moves.

[embedplusvideo height=”365″ width=”450″ standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/O9NVcOTtvBE?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=O9NVcOTtvBE&width=450&height=365&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep4957″ /]

Pop singer Madonna extremely satisfied with penis arm implants

madonnaarmsLos Angeles, CA – World-renowned pop music singer and diva Madonna was recently asked in an interview about the satisfaction and comfort of her penis arm implants:

“I absolutely love them. They fit me so well. They were donated from a pair of twin boys who sadly perished in a car accident a few years ago. When I heard about the accident, my first thought was ‘are their peepees ok?’

“Then, when the doctors gave me the go-ahead for surgery, I had to get a buy-off from the next of kin. I knew i’d have to purchase the fleshrods off of the boys’ dead bodies. The family was reluctant to donate their flaccid organs at first, but when they saw the cash I was willing to put up they said ‘The dongs are yours, take them!’ and i’m soooo glad I did!”

The Observer seems to think that the singer’s body is rejecting the surgically implanted male members. They look like they’re trying to escape. Come on, Madonna. Iggy Pop thinks that’s a tired look. This is just a thought, but maybe instead of faking it with wang-arms, Madonna could maybe lift some weights? Inject a little protein in the diet? I dunno. Maybe i’m old-fashioned. Maybe dong-insertion is the wave of the future.