Just imagine hundreds of dead John Travoltas and Tom Cruises all trying to get you to join Scientology!

Wolverton, MN – Just outside the quaint village of Wolverton, Minnesota lurks a haunted farm so scary that each visitor must first pass an extensive physical examination before getting the OK to attend.

The American Haunted Farm Association League (AHFAL) has rated the Haunted Scientology Farm a Level SS-16 on the 1-20 Scary Scale.

Dr. Buzz Bizby, the AHFAL President: “No other haunted farms in the Fargo Moorhead area are even into double digits on the Scary Scale. The Haunted Scientology Farm is just about as scary as attending the Clinton Presidential Library And Massage Parlor.”

It has been said that words cannot adequately describe the pure horror experienced at the Haunted Scientology Farm. Some evil electronic Tom Cruise laughter is constantly piped in over the state-of-the-art sound system while seemingly hundreds of Operating Thetans looking zactly like John Travolta and Tom Cruise are constantly stalking you just like Night Of The Living Dead zombies.

One brave attendee named Zonich Lobler from Vergas reported that “both Tom Cruise and John Travolta eventually cornered him and began doing an excruciating auditing session while he was forceably hooked up to an E-meter, afterwhich Xenu himself personally stepped out onto the main Space Opera stage and began making the worst sounds ever imaginable.”

If you and your family are in good physical condition (and can prove it), consider taking a trip to the Haunted Scientology Farm just outside Wolverton, where you will see and feel what Real Scary is all about!