Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Exclusive!

Leave a reply

Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

With all the hubbub over a drama series based on and in our quiet town, we are providing interested parties with a rough draft of opening scenes from the much-anticipated pilot episode of Fargo Family, Fargo’s first and only soap opera scheduled to definitely maybe air:

F Mob Server Productions, 2017

FARGO FAMILY

“Pilot”

SCENE 1. HOMESTEAD.

FADE IN:

(Flapper dressed in greasy overalls cautiously enters Margareet’s kitchen through a halfway-open back patio door, frigid air billowing in)

FLAPPER: Margie? Margie…? You here?

(Margareet stumbles into kitchen holding empty bottle of Boone’s Farm while Dr. Phil drones on in the background)

MARGAREET: (slurring speech, clearly inebriated) OHHH isn’t this a day! Thirty below and a ton of white covers the ground! It’s dream we’re living upon the clouds! I’m–

(Flapper notices Margareet’s unstable mental condition, interrupts her)

FLAPPER: Darling, you’ve got to stop this, doncha know! Dr. Never been coming around again? Keeping company with his devil pills?? Sleeping with Prince Valium at night, I’m sure ya you betcha.

(Flapper turns to leave, Margareet desperately lunges toward him)

MARGAREET: (slurring badly now) Flap, you mustn’t go! The Cadillac has a transvestite leak and I’m low on fluid. (holds up wine bottle) Where’d you have to be?!

(Flapper draws in and lets out a deep sigh of discontent)

FLAPPER: I shouldn’t be comin round no more if for not on business. It isn’t right…(long pause, staring longingly at an anguished Margareet) …but it isn’t wrong if Kingsley gone on office trips all the dang time, dontcha know…

(Flapper embraces Margareet, a long kiss and a slight nudge)

CUT SCENE FADE

SCENE 2. WORK.

FADE IN:

(Kingsley sitting alone in conference room, old wrinkly hand thumbing a cherished ancient Sioux Indian artifact, mumbling to himself. Sunshine/warm weather radiates off skyscrapers through conference room window)

KINGSLEY: Boy, Old K, you’re going to have to do better than that if you want to keep the dang Lexmark account…

(Kingsley’s personal secretary peeks in conference room door, Kingsley notices her)

KINGSLEY: Go the heck away, eh? Now ain’t a great time!

SECRETARY: But, sir, like, Beatris was calling and calling and finally, like, left a message about, like, it being urgent and junk, so, like, I took a message..?

(Secretary’s phrase is uttered in the tone of a question, Kingsley stares blankly at what he believes to be a complete airhead)

KINGSLEY: Well jeez, what was the message about there, Chynthia? You know what? Forget it, eh? I’ll phone her on the bluetooth in the Uber, you betcha. Now beat it, dontcha!

(Kingsley encloses  fist around prized Sioux Indian artifact, fist tightens)

FADE OUT.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT OPIOID-INDUCED CONSTIPATION RELIEF.

Exciting, isn’t it? Nothing makes for a better soap opera than terrific acting, a well-designed script and embarrassing commercial interruptions. Do you want to take part in this theatrical endeavor? Leave a comment or email us your resumé including date of birth, place of birth and type of birth.

Click here for PART 2 of our Pilot Episode!

Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera

Leave a reply

Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

Fargo, ND – Fargo will soon be getting its own soap opera called Fargo Family. It will be based in Fargo, be about Fargo, and all the actors will be from Fargo.

If you or someone you know is an actor or would like to be an actor on a real soap opera, please leave a comment below or email us your resume and also indicate which of the following roles you are interested in:

Fargo Family characters that need to be filled:

1. Kingsley – A treacherous old codger who spent some time in a military prison for acts unbecoming of an officer.
2. Margareet – Kingsley’s wife, the wine-drinking matriarch, who will back stab anyone who turns their back on her.
3. Skooter – Their son who has Attention Deficit Disorder but likes to tinker around with powerful sound equipment.
4. Trix – Their super-popular teen daughter who secretly likes to bully other students on Facebook.
5. Flapper – Their mechanic friend that is also into gambling to the point where it’s causing him some serious problems.
6. Dr. Never – An internal medicine doctor who is also the family’s main supplier of prescription pharmaceutical drugs.
7. The Bopster – Trix’s boyfriend who also wants to start his own modeling agency.
8. Stanley – Margareet’s inventive brother who lives on the wrong side of the tracks.
9. Lulu May – A free-spirited floozy willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.
10. Xang Xou – A table tennis instructor with whom many share deep personal secrets because he doesn’t speak English good.
11. Beatris – Kingsley’s sister who is a pessimistic liberal currently unhappy about pretty much everything.
12. Conrad – Husband of Beatris who wants to help make America great again while making a lucrative profit.

Not only will all the actors be selected from the Fargo area, the general plot ideas, spoken lines of dialogue, accompanying music, theme song, costumes, hairstyles, and makeup will all be done by Fargoans. This will be a community effort and creation of which we all can hopefully be proud.

You are urged to have courageous curiosity on the direction Fargo Family is going. Remember, we are all a part of the Fargo Family!

Click here to read the script!

Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple

Leave a reply
caption hier

Piercey Asplin admits that he does look a lot like the recently departed Prince.

Moorhead, MN – He looks almost exactly like Prince but his name is Piercey Asplin, who is still living, and does so in the quirky town of Moorhead.

“I get people coming up to me all the time asking me for an autograph and then suddenly wondering if I didn’t recently pass away,” says Moorhead’s Piercey Asplin.

Piercey says he has always loved the color purple and has a number of favorite things to wear that are paisley.

“Even though I supposedly look a lot like Prince, I was actually not that familiar with his music until last year,” admits the Prince look-a-like.

When we asked Mr. Asplin what he writes when people request his autograph, he explains: “I sign my real name, Piercey, but I’ve learned how to make it look like it says Prince.”

Ironically, all of the letters in Piercey Asplin can be rearranged to spell: Paisley Prince.

First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo

Leave a reply

Carson Wentz Fenster was born at 12:01 AM and is said to be resting comfortably while watching Carson Wentz play football on TV.

Fargo, ND – The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo.

The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had “Carson Wentz” tattooed on the boy’s right forearm shortly after he was born.

“We hope he will grow up to be a star quarterback in the NFL just like his namesake,” yearned Erron Fenster wishfully.

“When he gets a little older, perhaps at age one or two, we might consider giving him the option of getting a Bison or Philadelphia Eagles logo tattoo wherever he wants,” shared Martine Fenster excitedly.

But for now, young Carson Wentz Fenster and his proud parents will just sit back in their hospital room and enjoy watching the real Carson Wentz and the Eagles kick the Dallas Cowboy’s butts and also enjoy cheering on the unpredictable Minnesota Vikings as they hopefully shellack the visiting grizzly Chicago Bears.

Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal

Leave a reply

Even tho me be Neanderthal, me no want be called Neanderthal, mmkay?

Cave, Illinois – A recently discovered Neanderthal man from the Cro-Magnon era is suing anyone who has been calling him a Neanderthal man.

In an effort to reduced the number of times he will be called a Neanderthal in the future, Neanderthal man’s attorney states that the lawsuit is against anyone who has called Neanderthal man a Neanderthal since his recent discovery in a cave.

The lawsuit is for $750 million in the form of a class-action lawsuit against any and all who have referred to Neanderthal man as such.

Neanderthal man was recently discovered down in his cave by some teenagers who say they were “not” going there to experiment with drugs.

Neanderthal man is currently employed in Chicago at the famous Museum Of Natural History as a guide in the Cro-Magnon era section.

Neanderthal man look for mate with whom to mate.

Subsequent to coming out of the cave, Neanderthal man came out of the closet and announced that he is a homo sapien who is looking for a mate to mate to make young Neanderthals just like him.

Neanderthal man likes to walk barefoot in the park, play with rocks, hang out in his man cave, and write hieroglyphics on the walls.

If you would like to meet or make contact with Neanderthal man, simply send him a message translated from your language into Neanderthal using Google’s translation site. Please mark your correspondence specifically to: Dear Neanderthal man!

Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

Leave a reply
Craig Angel

Craig Angel

Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our soldiers at serious risk in the process.

That is why Chuck Hagel, Obama’s outgoing Secretary of Defense, has decided as last order of business to implement the power of Magic to the Army’s arsenal of tactics.

Hagel sees Magic as a weapon that our nation’s military can utilize to their benefit:

Chuck Hagel

Chuck Hagel

“We’ve got some of the more prolific magicians on the planet at our disposal here in these United States. Daniel Copperfield, Damien Blaine, Craig Angel. They all possess valuable powers that the military wants to apply to combat. These magicians were forcefully volunteered to contribute their expertise and we’ll have Craig Angel at the helm of our brand new Mindfreak Infantry Battalion.”

Hagel went on to add that the newly-implemented MINDFREAK infantry will contribute its “la-de-da whoop-de-doo Houdini shit” to battle. He also stated that soldiers will be “walkin’ on water and flyin’ without wings” before too long.

Criss Angel sounded excited for this new opportunity to showcase his magical abilities:

“I guess i’m going to teach soldiers how to levitate and do card tricks to pass the time? I don’t really know.”

Kudos to Criss Angel for lending his talents to the United States Military. Criss can hopefully teach soldiers how to steal enemy guns with their minds and maybe even stop bullets like Neo from the Matrix. That would be wicked.

Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun

Leave a reply

Test your navigational skills at the Fargo Ice Maze. It’s amazing!

Fargo, ND – One thing good about Fargo’s cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff.

The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for supporting an outdoor Ice Maze.

Fargo’s new Ice Maze is the amazing brainchild of Vaughn Dirkly who been fascinated with mazes since his childhood.

“Ever since I was just a pup, I’ve been making mazes out of pretty much everything you can imagine,” admits Vaughn, who is now a ripe old 32 years old.

Vaughn goes on: “During the summer months, I’ve made mazes out of wood, dirt, cornstalks, water, cars, and even garbage! But now, this is my very first wintertime ice maze. I hope everyone likes it and enjoys trying to find their way through it.”

Even though going through the Fargo Ice Maze is free, people are being asked to bring a bag of Nacho Doritos as a free-will offering donation for Vaughn and his maze team.

Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government

Leave a reply

There’s no such thing as Free Cheese except when it comes to Big Government.

Cheesetown, Pennsylvania – In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to almost anyone willing and able to eat it.

The Affordable Cheese Act was passed by Congress in the dead of night so that we could read what the new law actually said.

The ACA “shall provide free cheese to anyone who voted Democrat in the last election”.

The U.S. taxpayers have already been taxed quite heavily so that this over-abundance of low-grade governmental cheese can now be offered freely to those who may want free cheese from the government.

Federal ACA officials will be offering free demonstrations on how to cut the cheese, and then how to use it to make some basic All-American healthy recipes such as: double grilled cheese sandwitches, macaroni and cheese casserole hotdish, and very deep-fried cheese curds.

To get your free Government Cheese, simply stand in line wherever free governmental handouts are normally offered and use promo-code “FGC-2017” when filling out the mandatory 12-page IRS tax form #C-1270-BO.

As a special bonus, you can even get your picture taken for free at the free cheese handout office. Remember to smile wide and say “Cheese!”

Vikings Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left

Leave a reply

Vikings miss runway wide left.

Green Bay, Wisconsin – The entire Minnesota Vikings team missed the Green Bay runway wide left while attempting to land a much-needed win against the Packers.

Toward the end of a very disappointing season, the Vikings team plane veered wide left off the pavement toward the end of the Green Bay runway.

The flight started out fine just like the Vikings’ season did but then the wheels came off both.

No one from the Minnesota Vikings team or cockpit were available for comment.

Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

Leave a reply

The USS Fargo

Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland as Algore’s Global Cooling Initiative begins to pick up some glacial momentum from the International Council of Temperature Mitigation efforts to manage Earth’s water’s changing modal properties.

The USS Fargo along with its highly trained crew of 75 will work tirelessly to keep the Red River of the North ice-free from Wahpeton to Winnipeg as concerned climatologists foresee many major ice storms which threaten to shut down the transportational aspect of our economy leaving only the Red River as the last viable means to thorough-fare goods and people to differing latitudes.

Marvin Nimmaster on the reality of Global Cooling: “The imminent threat of the Earth icing up like a giant snow cone is no longer an arguable hoax that can be joked about by climatological comedians but rather is as real as the moose standing in the middle of the road as your vehicle is trying to slam on its brakes to avoid having the thousand pound beast land in your lap while you’re trying to get to grandma’s house to go sip some eggnog.”