Tag Archives: calculations

The New Measure Of Health Is Pounds Per Vertical Foot

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Calculate your pounds per vertical foot and then share that information with your friends and family.

Footville, Wisconsin – Experts have come up with a new and easy way to determine one’s general overall health.

Pounds per vertical foot is the new way to measure and judge how near or far a person is from the ideal bodily proportions.

To calculate it, simply take your total weight in pounds and divide that by how many feet tall you are.

For example, for a person weighing 200 pounds and standing 5 feet 10 inches tall, you would divide 200 by 5.83 = 34.3 pounds per vertical foot.

It turns out that 34.3 is just about ideal when it comes to pounds per vertical foot.

Ironically, as I write this, that happens to be exactly my pounds per vertical foot, which makes me feel like I am on track toward being on board the train of healthy living.

What is your pounds per vertical foot? Ask others what theirs is. Share yours with others in the break room. Post yours proudly in your cubicle at work. Help others calculate theirs after gathering their height and weight. It is fun and easy, and the new healthy thing to do!

Fargo Woman Named ‘Siri’ Gets Asked A Lot Of Questions

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Fargo resident Siri Kittlaus is a veritable magnet for questions throughout her day.

Fargo, ND – Siri Kittlaus, who’s been living in Fargo ever since she graduated from Concordia College, gets asked a lot of questions during a normal day.

Siri, who originally grew up in Sweden, explained to us that as soon as someone finds out her name, they usually ask her at least one question.

FMO: What are some of the most common questions that you’re asked?

Siri: Oh, it’s usually something like what’s the current weather in Denver, or how many grams in a cup of flour, and I can usually tell them the answers.

FMO: What are some frequent questions for which you don’t have the answers?

Siri: Oh, those would probably include 1. What is zero divided by zero? and 2. When will the world end?

FMO: How do you respond when someone asks if you have any good riddles or jokes?

Siri: Well, for those, I always carry around with me a small book of a thousand riddles and another with a thousand jokes.

FMO: Do you have any pets, and what’s your favorite color?

Siri: OK, I am now done answering your questions!

Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away

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Minnesota scientists have calculated that the Year 2100 will occur in about 82 years.

St. Paul, MN – A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100.

Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future.

The Minnesota study was funded by a GoFundMe account which was created by Doctor Odem Fung who headed up this amazing study.

Dr. Fung in his own words: “Yes, we raised about $687 million via GoFundMe for this impotent study of which I am in charge.”

“We believe the results of the study will help Earthlings prepare for future concerns such as Global Cooling, the National Debt, Zika Virus, Male Gropers, and the Second Coming of Christ.”

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Fung can be re-arranged to spell: Go Fund Me!