Detect & Detain with the Hatchett Protection System!
Fargo, ND – A new home property protection system developed by a Fargo inventor will safely protect your delivered packages on your front door step until you get home.
Dr. Nacci Hatchett’s system includes radar detection for your entire property along with the ability to completely detain the culprits with a variety of non-lethal weapons.
Once your Hatchett Protection System determines that a prowler (and not your spouse) is stealing an outdoor package, you can choose to have the intruder strongly bound by a system of bolas, tazed, netted, caged, or all of these (in the exact same order).
Dr. Hatchett’s system then automatically calls the police who will respond with an aggressively hungry K-9 unit.
Since North Dakota leads the nation in stolen packages, this new Hatchett Protection System is sure to sell like hotcakes with warm maple syrup.
Ironically, all the letters in Nacci Hatchett can be re-arranged to spell: Catch In The Act!
Bismarck, ND – A new pizza delivery company will soon be unlocking its doors in North Dakota.
Prison Pizza Pros will specialize in hot deliveries to those who find themselves behind bars.
All pizzas shall be of the “Deep Dish” variety so as to allow contraband to be secretly smuggled into the inmates who requested the hot delivery.
The idea first came to Prison Pizza Pros owner Frankie Siciliani who thought to himself while doing time, “Man, I could sure go for a hot pizza delivery right now, especially one that has a small metal hacksaw inside of it”.
After asking around, Frankie’s feasibility study revealed that most prisoners would certainly be in favor of ordering a hot pizza that had a small metal hacksaw inside of it.
Some of the more popular choices from Prison Pizza Pros are:
The General Population (Large, All Meat Pizza) The Solitary Confinement (One Topping Pizza) The Death Row Pizza (Super Spicy Jailapeno Peppers)