House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff doesn’t allow Republicans to have any pizza.
Swamp City, DC – On Day One of the House Impeachment Inquiry of President Trump, Chairman Adam Schiff ordered an abundance of luncheon pizza for the Democrats on the committee but did not allow the Republicans to order or have any pizza.
Ranking minority member Devin Nunes fretfully asked Chairman Schiff why the Republicans were not allowed to have any of the Democratic pizza, or even just to be able to order any pizza for themselves.
The stoically rigid chairman of the House Intelligence Committee responded by saying that the minority party does not have the power to order any pizza for lunch, nor have the right to share in any of the Majority’s pizza-fest.
When the Republican members asked what lunch options they had, Adam Schiff explained that any written requests the Republicans submitted to the committee would eventually be considered by the Majority party…in a secret closed session.
Bismarck, ND – A new pizza delivery company will soon be unlocking its doors in North Dakota.
Prison Pizza Pros will specialize in hot deliveries to those who find themselves behind bars.
All pizzas shall be of the “Deep Dish” variety so as to allow contraband to be secretly smuggled into the inmates who requested the hot delivery.
The idea first came to Prison Pizza Pros owner Frankie Siciliani who thought to himself while doing time, “Man, I could sure go for a hot pizza delivery right now, especially one that has a small metal hacksaw inside of it”.
After asking around, Frankie’s feasibility study revealed that most prisoners would certainly be in favor of ordering a hot pizza that had a small metal hacksaw inside of it.
Some of the more popular choices from Prison Pizza Pros are:
The General Population (Large, All Meat Pizza) The Solitary Confinement (One Topping Pizza) The Death Row Pizza (Super Spicy Jailapeno Peppers)
Domino, Texas – If you didn’t already want to order a pizza today for the Super Bowl, you might want to just for the experience of drone delivery.
All across the nation, Domino’s Pizzas will be delivered by their new Domicopters, which were recently tested in the UK. “People here bloody loved it!” said Max Tunage, a virtual nobody with whom we spoke.
As soon as your pizza is done cooking, you will be sent a text message informing you that your pizza is en route to your front door and will be there within seconds.
If you’re not standing outside to personally receive the delivery, your phone will ring indicating that your pizza has arrived and is sitting in the middle of the street.
Domino’s Pizza expects to deliver 110000000 pizzas on Super Bowl Sunday, and they honestly don’t know how many zeros are after the eleven. Call now to pre-order your drone delivery!