Tag Archives: guatemala

Entire Family Goes Missing After Husband Dreams They Were All Kidnapped

Leave a reply

Their jeep was found on a road to nowhere.

Fargo, ND – In a case that might never be solved, an entire family has gone missing after the patriarch had a dream that his family had been kidnapped.

Mr. Damian Flipp-Dyke, who reportedly reported the dream by calling 9-1-1, is now missing along with his lovely wife, Lola Flipp-Dyke, and their three above-average children: Nyork, Zhway, and Ahzr.

The only remaining evidence of the family, besides their hungry dog sitting in an empty home, is the family’s jeep which was found abandoned on a random road down in the deep jungles of Guatemala.

If you have any pertinent information that might help solve this mysterious case, please report it to the Dream Police, or call the Kidnap Hotline and ask for Karl.

Abscondingly, all of the letters in Damian Flipp-Dyke can be re-arranged to spell: Family Kidnapped!

Loud Michael Bolton Music To Be Used At Southern Border To Dissuade Illegal Entries

Leave a reply

Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.

Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.

Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.

U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.

The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:

◘ When A Man Loves A Woman
◘ If You Don’t Know Me By Now
◘ How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
◘ Said I Loved You But I Lied
◘ How Can We Be Lovers
◘ Can I Touch You There?
◘ Sexual Healing
◘ I’ll Never Love This Way Again
◘ Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
◘ I’m Your Puppet

President Trump Orders Up Some Hurricanes To Dissuade Caravan Of Illegals

Leave a reply

Willa the Caravan make it to the USA despite President Trump’s pair of hurricanes?

Mexico City – As part of Project Dissuasion, President Trump ordered up two hurricanes in an effort to prevent The Caravan from reaching the United States.

Working in close conjunction with the National Hurricane Center, President Trump requested that two new hurricanes be created to hit Mexico as a “welcome present“ to those who would attempt to enter the U.S. illegally.

Algore OKed the request saying that he and President Trump made the deal involving a large purchase of Algore’s Climate Change Carbon Credits in exchange for the hurricanes.

Currently (and by design), both Hurricane Willa and Hurricane Vicente are on track to directly hit The Caravan before it reaches America.

President Trump while playing golf: “If they decide to enter our country legally, instead of illegally, then we’ll cancel the two hurricanes, but for now we’ll just wait and see what happens.“

Fargo City Leaders Vote Yes To Seek Out Guatemalan Sister City

Leave a reply

With its diverse culture, rich heritage, and colonial charm, Guatemala seems to be a perfect place for Fargo to find its next Sister City.

Fargo, ND – In a historic vote which passed almost unanimously, Fargo city commissioners collectively concurred on beginning the long and arduous process of finding a community in the exotic country of Guatemala that might want to buddy up with Fargo and become our second Sister City.

Fargo currently has only one other Sister City and that would be Hamar, Norway which happened way back in 1974 when Nixon was president.

Since it’s been almost 44 years since Fargo added a Sister City, “it is high time we added another!”

Why Guatemala you may wonder? Because that’s where the dart landed when it was blindly thrown at the map of the world during the last leadership meeting.

Some Guatemalan communities that Fargo is now considering approaching to ask if they want to be a Sister City with Fargo are: 1. Quetzaltenango, 2. Chimaltenango, 3. Huehuetenango, 4. Chichicastenango, 5. Mazatenango, 6. Jacaltenango, 7. Momostenango, and 8. Sumpango, because they all end with the same two letters as ‘Fargo’.

The city commission minutes revealed that each of the mayors of these eight great Guatemalan cities will be flown to up Fargo to be wined and dined and then intensively interviewed by various members of the Fargo Elite.

The final decision will be announced during the next Fargo Summer Games this coming summer.

Please indicate your preference for Fargo’s next Sister City by emailing in your choice’s respective number along with any reasoning for your favorite Guatemalan city.