Tag Archives: Political Correctness

Dickinson Team Name Changing From The Midgets To Just “The Dicks”

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For political correctness, the Dickinson Midgets may now be called The Dicks.

Dickinson, ND – The small town of Dickinson, North Dakota was once simply known for being the home town of the famous actress Angie Dickinson.

But now, the Dickinson School Board is in the cross-hairs of a new and extremely flagrant political correctness violation.

The Dickinson mascot and team name of The Midgets has been deemed to be objectionable, abusive, and unacceptable.

School Board president Dr. Sigmond Dickstein, who has suggested changing their name to simply “The Dicks”, asked to hear from some actual midgets to get their input on this matter.

Marty Smaltz of Midgets Of Our Nation (MOON): My organization believes the current Dickinson mascot is not only repugnant and displeasing, but also provocative, humiliating, and derogatory. If you don’t change it, I will change it for you!

Ms. Tina Little who represented L.O.W. (Little Organized Workers): Not only is your team name The Midgets insulting, to me it is very repulsive, disrespectful, reprehensible, offensive, and hurtful.

Gordy Shorts from the Midgets Of America Network (MOAN): Besides being indecent and demeaning because of its ties to historical circus freak shows, I consider your team name to be rude, distasteful, vulgar, crude, and quite frankly…embarrassing.

After a short break, Dr. Sigmond Dickstein (whose name can be re-arranged to spell Dickinson Midgets) said that the Dickinson School Board will need a little time to decide their final decision on this matter which is of no small importance to the tiny town of Dickinson, which is dwarfed by neighboring Bismarck.

New UND Mascot Needs A Name!

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You know my name. Say it! Say my name!

Grand Forks, UND – It’s time once again to put on your politically correct thinking caps to help name UND’s chosen mascot.

The winner of the mascot naming contest could possibly win a trip to Grand Forks (and the second place award would be two trips to Grand Forks).

You can leave your mascot name idea as a comment or email it to us at: fmobserver@gmail.com

Or, you can just vote for one of the following ten choices which have all been graciously pre-approved by the NCAA:

Choice X1: Flippy
Choice X2: Flip, The Bird
Choice X3: Fighting Sue
Choice Y1: Suzie
Choice Y2: Sioux-Z
Choice Y3: Beak
Choice Z1: Hawkeye 2.0
Choice Z2: ​T​he Bird
Choice Z3: P.C.
Choice Z4: Mascot

If voting for an NCAA pre-approved name, please use its official Choice Code (ie: X2) and also include a reason or nostalgic story why you think this should be the wiener. How will I know if I won? The UND mascot will land on your roof and fly you to Grand Forks for the swearing-in ceremony, after which you will be a guest in its nest.

Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive

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Since it’s a religious experience to some, others find solar eclipse to be offensive to their beliefs.

Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.

While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.

One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.

So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.

Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.

Boy Gets Suspended From Skool For Saying ‘Shih Tzu’

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If it walks like a Shih Tzu and barks like a Shih Tzu, it’s probably safer to call it a Chinese Lion Dog.

Moorhead, MN – The day did not go the way young Raven Tufano was expecting. After doing his normal early morning routine which included taking his dog for a walk, he then headed off to school.

The teacher asked Raven’s class what different kinds of dogs they could think of. She started off by mentioning a German Shepherd since her husband was a police officer.

Raven raised his hand and said his dog named Skipper was a Shih Tzu.

After the class stopped laughing, the teacher asked “What did you say, young man?!” Raven repeated the fact that their dog was a Shih Tzu.

The next thing Raven knew was he was sitting in the principal’s office who was calling the boy’s parents discussing a possible one week suspension from school for swearing and class disruption.

Lesson to be learned: When in proper company, refer to a Shih Tzu as either a Chrysanthemum Dog or a Chinese Lion Dog.

Moral of the story: There’s a difference between being honest and being tactful.

The Ralph Engelstad Arena Being Dismantled Brick By Brick

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Bricks for sale as "The Ralph" is deconstructed as response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Bricks for sale as “The Ralph” is deconstructed in response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Grand Forks, ND – On the same day that out-going UND President Robert Kelley announced that the Fighting Sioux will now forever after be called the Fighting Hawks, workers quietly began the slow and painful process of taking down the Ralph Engelstad Arena according to the benefactor’s original instructions.

Back when “The Ralph” was first being built, Ralph Engelstad said that if the Fighting Sioux nickname ever fell victim to political correctness, he would have this most beautiful hockey palace taken down brick by brick.

As the Ralph Engelstad Arena is torn down, bricks will be auctioned off one-by-one along with everything else in the building, until everything is gone, and the site is once again back to what it once was, an open grassy piece of land where the Fighting Sioux once lived.

New UND Nickname And Logo Soon Announced: The Sundogs!

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New UND Sundog Logo

The New UND Sundog Logo

Grand Forks, ND – With the Fighting Sioux nickname found to be too politically incorrect and the top vote-getter “North Dakota” being thrown out by The Committee, it looks like those with the power to decide are leaning toward: The Sundogs!

Since the term “Sundog” has so much meaning and history associated with the University of North Dakota, it seems like the obvious logical best choice.

“The UND sports teams are bright spots on the halo surrounding the University as are Sundogs around the Sun,” says one anonymous committee member who has no past association with UND in any way.

Ironically, another committee member, whose dog recently went to the vet and had a neck cone put in place to prevent it from licking its wounds, noticed that the cone looked like a beautiful sun halo around Barf’s head. “Hey, Barf looks like a Sundog!”

Early polling indicates that almost all Fighting Sioux alumni think Sundogs is a wonderful replacement name and cannot wait the for official announcement to come.

Some Rejected UND Nicknames Maybe Worth Another Look

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Sitting Bull still standing outside The Ralph

Grand Forks, ND – With the Fighting Sioux nickname being run out of town by the NCAA, the Grand Forks Herald recently made available the list of all the submitted alternative nicknames for UND.

Some of the ideas that were submitted are being considered to be finalists, and naturally, some are not. Let’s face it: not every one can be a winner.

Here is a list of the Top 20 nickname ideas submitted by sports fans which the FM Observer feels are the best ones NOT making the cut. Let’s call these the Best-of-the-Worst! They are in no particular order and followed by the fan’s explanation.

TOP 20 BEST-OF-THE-WORST UND NEW NICKNAMES:

Alcoholics Anonymous: We can share our love of alcohol with the entire community while inspiring the area to get past any problems with alcohol.

Flying Squirrels: Have you ever walked on campus? They are everywhere!

Fricking Frackers: It’s obvious. ND was headed for oblivion and then came the fracking energy boom. Fracking is paying the bills. The mascot could be the poison symbol found on toxins. Would be uniquely North Dakotan. Very catchy!

Emergency Room Werewolves: Honors the medical school while adopting a mascot which will not offend any group.

Libtards: Because Libtard Assfuckery has cost the people of ND millions so far. Why not more?

Jackalopes: The fictitious animal lobby is not very strong so this nickname should stand for a while.

Fighting Asparagus: Because UND is green and asparagus can inspire the fans. Veggies are good.

Choke Artists: Every year they can’t win a title.

Saltine Crackers: Mild, white, and underwhelming, this name aptly embodies the culture of the university.

Fighting Attorneys: UND has a great law school and students can chant Sue! Sue! Sue!

Drunk Fighting Racists: Perfectly encapsulates ALL North Dakota fans as well as being a throwback to the old Fighting Sioux nickname you insensitive assholes.

SmallPox: Because it killed the Sioux.

Zombies from UNDead: Zombies are really “IN” right now. The mascot/nickname would be EPIC!

Road Conditions: First listing when I Googled: “North Dakota”.

Land Sharks: Sharks are noble animals that defend their home territory with vigor. They don’t make sense on the Great Plains so the “Land” is added.

Moderate Muslims: Not a real thing so no one can claim offense.

Wood Ticks: How ticked off would a wood tick get if a wood tick would get ticked?

Here are a few extra submissions that apparently needed no explanation:
Backdoor Lumberjacks
Feral Farmers
Puck Sluts

Washington Redskins

Washington Redskins Name Change Contest

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redskinsPX1Washington, DC – Well, it looks like the home of Political Correctness is about to get a dose of its own medicine.

The name Washington Redskins, which goes back to 1937, has now become the latest target of easily-offended language censors. What was just another famous name of a loved professional sports team has now become derogatory and racist, according to some D.C. Council members.

If the name is going to be changed, some fans are advocating keeping the “Red” and changing the “Skins”. Some of the top choices in this group are, the Washington: RedNecks, Red Meats, Red Hots, Red Eyes, Red Peppers, Red Wines, and Red Apples.

For those who would rather see the “Red” changed and keep the “Skins”, the Washington: Pigskins, Sheepskins, Buckskins, Foreskins, Coonskins and Deerskins.

Finally, there is a third group wanting the new name to still begin with “Red” and have the word “Skins”, such as the: Washington Red Skinheads, or Washington Red Potato Skins.

D.C. Council member David Grosso would love to hear from you on this issue. Feel free to call him at 202-724-8105, or you can email him at dgrosso@dccouncil.us

You can also contact either:

Muriel Bowser at 202-724-8052 (mbowser@dccouncil.us) or

Kenyan McDuffie at 202-724-8028 (kmcduffie@dccouncil.us)

who are both totally down with David’s idea of making a name change.

Let any of these fine public servants know which name you would favor as the new politically correct name for the offensive Washington Redskins. If the name you vote for is picked, you may qualify to win season tickets to see the Washington Rednecks, or perhaps the Washington Coonskins!