Fargo Pedophiles Feeling Left Out This Halloween Season

October 11th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
free candy halloween fargo

Why go here when you can go door-to-door?

It’s a somber, sad, and gloomy month for area pedophiles as Halloween is around the corner. Lately, you can see all their vans parked lonesomely in the shadows.

The beautiful month of October is upon us. Vivid colors of orange, gold, red, and brown leaves fall slowly to the ground.  The crisp cool air is a reminder that winter is near. Pumpkins, witches, and ghosts decorations fill the yards of area homes.

What a great and exciting month October is for us, isn’t for area pedophiles.  The Halloween season has been cutting into pedophiles pedophiling time.  Kids are no longer interested in talking to old creepy men offering free candy as they know at the end of the month, free pillow loads of candy await them.

Some area pedophiles have petitioned to allow their candy giving vans to be considered a house or place of residence on the day of Halloween. This will allow them to park up and down the streets in broad day light with signs such as, “Candy Canes For Wieners.”

Others have sunk so low as to not even offer candy anymore.  One area pedophile has started offering a Halloween costume fitting room.

This privately parked pederast can only gaze longingly as parents keep close guard of their children

We can only hope the pedophile business continues to suffer long after the month of October.  However, it will be interesting to see how they adapt in the future.  Police are urging parents to communicate with their children that Halloween costume fitting rooms are not located in vans and to stay away.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.