Tag Archives: clocks

Fargo Clock Shoppe Owner Jailed For Refusing To Change His Clocks To Daylight Savings Time

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Fargo man does not want to have to change all 420 of his clocks to Daylight Savings Time.

Fargo, ND – The owner of Ye Olde Clock Shoppe in Fargo is refusing to change all of the clocks in his shoppe to Daylight Savings Time.

Mr. Eagan Tinch who has owned Ye Olde Clock Shoppe since it opened in 1967 says he does not like being told by the government what he has to do to comply with “their arbitrary rules”.

Mr. Tinch in his own words: “I could say that I’m refusing to move all 420 of my clocks forward one hour on religious grounds, or perhaps even coffee grounds, but then I would not be telling the truth.”

Eagan goes on to explain his obstinance thusly: “I have never agreed that mankind can just willy-nilly change time from the way God intended it. Certain things should just be left alone.”

Fittingly, all of the letters in Eagan Tinch can be moved around to eventually spell: Anti-Change!

FMO Considering Selling Prayer Pillows To Help Fund Reader Appreciation Parties

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Rest your head on a prayer!

Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer understands the importance of saying a bedtime prayer each and every night before retiring to dreamland. In fact, we believe this has been a big reason why we’ve been so successful at being a non-profit corporation. Things really started to turn around after hiring two full-time chaplains to help guide us spiritually and emotionally through our daily work lives.

To help us give back to our community, we’re considering selling FM Observer Prayer Pillows for the nominal fee of $150 each, which will go directly into our Party Fund.

To maximize your personal prayer power, here are five wonderful choices of prayers for your FMO Prayer Pillow, each one thoughtfully co-written by our two chaplains, Tempie Sadberry and Demetria Presby:

Now I lay me down to rest
After surviving yet another test
Tomorrow will bring more work and play
Hopefully, I’ll make it through another day

Now I crawl into my bed
With lots of thoughts up in my head
If I can’t somehow fall asleep
I’ll take some Xanax and count some sheep

As today is now terminating
Another night is germinating
Hopefully tomorrow will bring good weather
And I can somehow get my shit together

Back in my bedroom once again
Laying in bed, listening to my fan
To wake, I’ve set my digital clock
For protection, I have a loaded glock

Now I lay down on my back
Hoping I don’t have a heart attack
Or suffer a thrombotic stroke
About these things I’ll never joke

Prayerfully, all the letters in both “Tempie Sadberry” and “Demetria Presby” can be re-arranged to spell: Bed-time Prayers!

Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour

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Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Fargo, ND – In what doctors are calling “highly unusual”, a hospital patient who had passed away during the early Sunday morning hours came back to life after the hospital turned the clocks back an hour to Central Standard Time.

Dr. Bernard LaFlange had pronounced the patient dead 35 minutes earlier.

But then, right at 2:00 AM, when the clocks went back to 1:00 AM, the older male patient returned to life just as if nothing had happened.

The man’s family was completely stunned as would be expected under such bizarre circumstances.

A spokesperson for the hospital admits that it is not certain whether or not changing the clocks back an hour had anything to do with the patient’s revival from the dead.

When the patient was asked about the incident, he simply responded that he would like to go to Denny’s Restaurant and order the Grand Slam breakfast platter and a pot of coffee.

The Times They Are A Changin’

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Time keeps on slippin' into the future.

Time keeps on slippin’ into the future.

Time Square, Washington – Are you one of the many who forgot to move your clocks ahead last night?

Tonya Jo Thornbird from Fargo admitted: “Because we forgot to change our clocks, we missed our flight at the airport, so we then decided to attend our normal church service but missed that too.”

Maybe you chose to not participate in this arbitrary time change just like those mavericks out in Hawaii?

Charlie John Fritters from Moorhead declared: “I don’t like being told what to do, and when to do it, expecially by the government!”

Most likely, your clocks are all changed because you’re on top of everything, since you’re well informed, because you read the FM Observer.

Robert Allen Zimmerman from Malibu, California: “The slow one now will later be fast, as the present now will later be past, for the times they are a-changin’.”