Tag Archives: miracle

Heroic Pilot Somehow Safely Lands Problematic Plane At The Moorhead International Airport

After some reported engine trouble, this plane was safely guided to safety by a seasoned skilled pilot.

Moorhead, MN – The day started out just like a normal one for pilot Damario Prothero.

His planned itinerary: Fly straight from Dallas to Toronto and back again, hopefully home in time for supper with his lovely wife, Jacinta.

Unbeknownst to Damario, mechanical trouble of the highest order would suddenly pop up on his instrumentation panel just south of Moorhead, Minnesota.

With only nano-seconds to react, Captain Prothero’s natural instinct for survival took over and he somehow miraculously landed the plane safely with only a few scrapes and bruises to show for it.

Ironically, all of the letters in Damario Prothero can be re-arranged to spell: Moorhead Airport!

Mummified Monkey Successfully Brought Back To Life

Experts bring mummified monkey back to life by using miraculous new technique.

Dayton, OH – After discovering a mummified monkey in an old department store’s duct work, a team of mummiologists was called in to see if anything could be done to save the mortalized monkey.

Dr. Odem Kenady, who headed up the team, said this upon being called to save the dead monkey: “We believe we now have the technology to bring mummified monkeys back to life, by slowly adding banana water to their desiccated carcass, thus allowing their body cells to literally come back to life right before our eyes. We need to at least try because: mummified monkeys matter!”

After the monkey was miraculously brought back to life by Dr. Kenady, and then deemed to be in fairly stable condition, the original owner of the miracle monkey was contacted, who said: “For the last 50 years, I’ve been wondering where my little Jo-Jo disappeared to!”

Jo-Jo is now enjoying some banana soup after 50 years of mummification.

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Kenady can be resuscitated to spell: Dead Monkey!

Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour

Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Fargo, ND – In what doctors are calling “highly unusual”, a hospital patient who had passed away during the early Sunday morning hours came back to life after the hospital turned the clocks back an hour to Central Standard Time.

Dr. Bernard LaFlange had pronounced the patient dead 35 minutes earlier.

But then, right at 2:00 AM, when the clocks went back to 1:00 AM, the older male patient returned to life just as if nothing had happened.

The man’s family was completely stunned as would be expected under such bizarre circumstances.

A spokesperson for the hospital admits that it is not certain whether or not changing the clocks back an hour had anything to do with the patient’s revival from the dead.

When the patient was asked about the incident, he simply responded that he would like to go to Denny’s Restaurant and order the Grand Slam breakfast platter and a pot of coffee.

Miracle, A Female Peregrine Falcon Returns To Fargo. Husband Missing.

Fargo, ND – Since April, many birds have started their seasonal migration back to the Fargo-Moorhead area.  One of the those birds is a peregrine falcon named Miracle.  Since 2008, Miracle and her mate Dakota Ace have been setting up shop outside the 12th floor of the Bank of the West building in downtown Fargo.  The only difference this year, Dakota Ace is nowhere to be seen.  At a ripe age of 15, it is speculated that Dakota Ace did not survive the winter.  It is possible that he simply hasn’t made the trek home yet but with each passing day it is becoming a less likely scenario.

We smelled bullshit on this story right away.  Upon hearing Dakota Ace was missing, we were on a mission to find out what really happened to him.  After extension research, copious amounts of coffee, and dozens of dead ends, we finally found Dakota Ace in the least likely of places, a bar in southern Florida.  We sat down with Dakota Ace to get the story.

“Where in the world have you been Dakota?  The people of Fargo have been worried about you.” I asked.  “Well, where do I begin.  I couldn’t stand that old hag anymore.  She was constantly nagging!  Go hunt some food for me.  Build this nest.  Fix this nest.  Do this.  Do that.  It never ended.  Always asking where I’ve been when everytime it’s because I’m out getting her and I food to survive.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  She was just a total bitch.  Besides that, she started getting fat.  Who wants to live with that?  When I first started mating with her she was a 10.  After a few years she turned into a 2.  Bleh!  Gross!  Talk about false advertising!  To top it all off, Fargo is cold!  Always windy, always cold, and it snows for half the year.  Screw that!  I’m going to enjoy the hot and humid weather here in Florida.  Please tell that old hag that I died a terrible death.  Please!  I beg of you!”

I bought Mr. Ace another beer and we chatted late into the evening.  I fulfilled Mr. Ace’s request and told Miracle that Dakota had died a terrible death and to move on.  Apparently Miracle believed me as there has been another male possibly spotted in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

We wish Mr. Ace the best and hopes he gets the relaxation he deserves.