Tag Archives: fargo

Sir Paul McCartney Coming Back To Fargo For Another Concert

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Be Right Back!

Be Right Back!

Fargo, ND – Apparently Paul McCartney enjoyed playing his music in Fargo so much, that he’s coming back for an encore concert.

“Yah, I really got a kick out of Fargo, so we decided to do it again, yah know?” he said during an exclusive interview. “But this next time around, I am going to play all different songs, and play them right-handed, just to switch things around a bit.”

His “BE RIGHT BACK” concert is “unprecedented”, says Nigel Banks, who works as a self-employed concert expert specializing in British concert tour scheduling history. “He must really like Fargo. Fargo should be quite proud of this.”

Fargodome officials are “simply delighted” that Sir Paul wants to return for another concert. “No firm dates have yet been decided upon, but we’ll figure something out! You can count on that!” tweeted the Fargodome.

Some on-the-street reactions to this big news:
“Wasn’t Paul McCartney just here last year?”
“This is some kind of joke, right?”
“Since I missed him the first time, this is very good news.”
“He is ambidextrous, too?”

Watch for further details about Sir Paul McCartney’s BE RIGHT BACK concert on your local news channels. (There is even some talk that he might be looking into buying a home in the Fargo area.)

KFGO Required To Broadcast Half In Spanish

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radiotowers1PX1

Radio station HOLA

Fargo, ND – The Mighty 790 KFGO radio station will soon be required to broadcast half of its programming in Spanish.

Todas las estaciones de radio en Fargo pronto estarán obligados a proporcionar la mitad de su contenido en el idioma español.

With all the illegal aliens pouring into our country, President Obama has signed an emergency executive order to seize control of all the biggest radio stations.

Presidente Obama está tomando el control de todas las estaciones de radio de Estados Unidos y quiere que todos los extranjeros ilegales a entender lo que está pasando aquí.

All of the on-air personalities at KFGO including the entire news department will be required to become fluent in Spanish by January 1, 2017.

Todos los involucrados en los programas de radio se verá obligado a hablar español perfecto o de lo que ya no pueden estar hablando en la radio.

Thank you for your attention and have a nice day.

Este es un problema muy grave y debe ser corregido pronto.

Fargo Man Allegedly Renting Out Tree House

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utilities: not included

utilities: not included

Fargo, ND—An area man is allegedly subletting his creaky back yard tree fort.

Neighbors are saying they’ve noticed something crawl into and out of a tree house in the back yard of South Fargo resident Sheshy Tisslancer. “I seen somethin’ back there. Ain’t sure what, but it’s either a 200-pound raccoon or a gawd-damn homus erectus,” exclaimed neighboring resident Puter Naldow.

“Sheshy’s been keeping someone up in that tree house, i’m almost positive,” said backyard neighbor Pavia Hobbernathy. “Lot of rustling going on up there that I don’t think a squirrel family would cause.”

When asked about what’s really going on in his tree house, Tisslancer stayed tight-lipped. “Nothin’, honey.”

A simple tree fort as one’s primary residence would contradict a number of FM Housing Authority bylaws. As of press time, the FMHA has not been formally notified of any violations. Stay glued to the FM Observer for updates.

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Surrogate Mother Repos Infant From Deadbeat Parent

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Man Moves Out Of Womb After 28 YearsFargo, ND—An incident involving a member of a local surrogate mother association chapter has our community reeling. Surrogate Mothers United (SMU) Fargo branch saw one of its own taking matters into her own hands, the Observer has learned. Vatchy Lelto-Coppo, an SMU serial donor, reportedly became so fed up with the behavior of one of the branch’s infant donation recipients that she decided to take matters into her own hands.

“Bitch quit payin’ me stipend,” explained Lelto-Coppo, in between heavy drags of vape cig. “I squatted outta kid for this ratchet an’ she just shut me out. Oh hell no, nuh uh bitch.”

Lelto-Coppo is under legal jurisdiction to repossess her surrogate gift, as stated in page 204 of the SMU Donation Contract, which clearly states:

Donor shall receive no more than but no less than one skin-to-skin contact with gestation per week and/or one agreed-upon donation stipend per week, no more than four (4) times per calendar month. If recipient fails to provide either stipend or skin-to-skin for longer than four (4) times a calendar month, donor will be allowed to reclaim gestation.

When the deadbeat parent quit paying both skin-to-skin and her stipend, Lelto-Coppo became enraged and was forced to move forward with the repossession.

The deadbeat ratchet declined to comment.

The Melvins’ Buzz Osborne Comes Back to Fargo

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PromoImage“It’s only after we’ve done everything that we’re free to do anything” was what Tyler Durden said in the movie Fight Club (or something like that–I may have slightly butchered the quote). That holds true with Buzz Osborne of the Melvins. It almost seems like he’s done everything: over 30 recorded albums in addition to more than 2,000 live shows covers a ton of ground.  He’s produced over 30 years of sonically-intimidating grunge, metal and semi-acoustic but not quite full-blown acoustic rock. That is, until this most recent solo album for which he’s touring our great country to promote.

“This Machine Kills Artists” steers completely away from Melvins tradition in that it features Buzz, alone with an instrument that he’s spent the past few decades mastering. It’s not typically loud, but it’s not that quiet either:

I enjoyed it as a change-of-pace collection of tracks (you get 17 total). It’s not terribly folk-y, so don’t expect to hear Jack Johnson or Neil Young. Think the Melvins, but sans the electric amps and percussion. Anyhow, the purpose here is not to promote the album alone, but an intimate live performance of it. Buzz takes the Aquarium stage by himself on Thursday, 6/26 to not simply play a gig, but to provide a sort of storytelling experience interlaced with songs from the album.

If you go:

Thursday, June 26th @ The Aquarium, 226 Broadway N, Fargo, ND

Doors open 8:00pm, show starts 9:00pm

Tickets can be obtained HERE

Ages 21 and over

Fargo Train Station

City of Fargo Releases Pamphlet On How To Avoid Getting Hit By A Train

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Fargo Train StationFargo, ND – The City of Fargo released a pamphlet earlier today that explains in detail on how to avoid getting killed by a train.

With all the train accidents and people getting hit, Fargo decided the citizens needed a dose of knowledge. They released a pamphlet that describes in detail what you should do when approaching train tracks and how to avoid getting hit by a train.

We were able to get ahold of a pamphlet and were very surprised on how little information it actually provided. Below is the pamphlet’s entire contents.

“LOOK BOTH WAYS.  IF A TRAIN IS COMING, DON’T FUCKING CROSS!”

“IF YOU ARE ON THE TRACKS WHEN A TRAIN IS COMING, FUCKING MOVE!”

That was it. The pamphlet contains two sentences that seem to get right to the point. Hopefully this little pamphlet will prevent train accidents in the future.

Keep your eyes open, folks. Let us know if this pamphlet was helpful to you.

Fargo Approves Taser Drones For Use In High Crime Areas

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Don’t taze me, drone!

Fargo, ND – Local police are celebrating the approval of new technology that promises to make fighting crime a little easier and a whole lot safer. City government has finally given a green light to the much anticipated Taser Administering Drone Army, or TADA. The fleet of 25 drones will soon be buzzing over crime-ridden neighborhoods where traditional law enforcement measures have been largely unsuccessful.

“Oh these little buggers are game changers,” raves Police Chief Warren Peese. “My men will soon be able to zap slimeballs silly without having to put down their donuts. The beauty is, the criminals will never see it coming. One minute they’re selling a bag of crack and the next…wham, they’re flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water. TADA!”

The drones, which are roughly the size of a shoebox, are equipped with surveillance cameras and long-range tasers that can be deployed wirelessly from a remote location. “These suckers have about a half-mile range,” says Peese. “In other words, there’s really nowhere to hide. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when we aim at you?”

Asked about the drones’ accuracy, Peese admits, “Well, it’s not 100%. Heck, it’s not even 90%. Our guess is, though, that if you’re close enough to a criminal to get tased, you’re probably up to no good, and we’re ok with those odds. Also, if we hit the wrong target, there’s a slick little retract button that sucks that taser up like nothing ever happened. Problem solved. TADA!”

An inside source reveals that local networks are close to reaching a deal with police to broadcast live TADA taser action on a local area TV channel. Could be lots of fun to watch! Stay tuned to the FM Observer for details.

USS Enterprise Coming To Fargo Airport

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Beam me up, Scotty!

Fargo, ND – Whether you’re a faithful fan of Star Trek or not, everyone can get excited about an upcoming visit to Fargo by a famous legendary icon.

The starship USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) is scheduled to come to Fargo for the next AirShow. Captain Kirk’s famous space cruiser will be landing at the Fargo Airport.

You and your whole family will be able to come aboard the actual USS Enterprise and explore it from the inside. Go up to the bridge to sit in the captain’s chair and maybe even honk the horn.

Some of the original crew members will be coming along to answer any questions that you might have. Star Trekers Spock, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov are all planning on making the trip to Fargo to explore strange new worlds and to seek out new life and civilizations.

Lt. Ross Cooper is the official event scheduler for the USS Enterprise. “After travelling to all parts of the universe, we realized that our beloved starship has never been to Fargo, North Dakota”, he says.

“Hopefully folks in Fargo will be as excited about our visit as we all are. Please stop by to see this amazing starship out at the Fargo Airport. We can even beam you aboard so you don’t have to walk up all the stairs.”

Fargo Canoer Mistakes Ditch Water For Sheyenne River

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canoe fargoFargo, ND – A Fargo man mistakes ditch water for the sheyenne river yesterday afternoon.

Due to the beautiful weather yesterday afternoon, John decided it was perfect to go canoeing. Just not in the right place.

John was arrested for trespassing and resisting arrest. Police say John might not be aging so well and due to very old age, he simply mistook the ditch with water in it as the sheyenne river.  Simple mistake.

John did put up a fight though.  He refused to get out of the canoe.  Police had no choice but to taze him 3 times and break both legs just to subdue him.  It then took ten punches to the face and a visit to his house to shoot his dog. The police did say they felt all was finally safe and to proceed to bring him to jail for prosecution.

Police would like to remind the public that it is illegal to canoe in public ditches and law enforcement will keep an extra eye out there for potential offenders.

Fargo Landfill To Be Permanently Closed

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Local trash heap becomes treasure trove of valuable ancient artifacts.

Fargo, ND – The Fargo Landfill is being shut down – closed for the foreseeable future. It is now officially going to be considered a historical site due to some recent important findings.

An undocumented landfill worker inadvertently discovered some unusual looking arrowheads while working the dump. These arrowheads have turned out to be quite significant, to say the least.

Renowned British archaeologists Dale and Connie Rosenkrantz say these arrowheads are now the oldest ones ever discovered on this planet.

“These arrowheads are older than the ancient bone arrowheads found in the Sibudu Cave down in South Africa!”, Dale Rosenkrantz excitedly explained to us, while taking a nip of whiskey to calm his nerves. “The Sibudu relics were carbon-dated to be about 77,000 years old. These newly discovered ones in the Fargo Landfill are even older than that!”

All this good news for archaeologists is bad news for Fargo City officials who must now try to quickly come up with a new location for all future garbage dumping.

Possible alternative locations will be discussed at the next City Commission meetings. “All options are on the table”, confided an anonymous high-ranking city official. “North of North Fargo, South of South Fargo, the Osgood area, these are all being looked at as viable options. We might even have to haul our garbage over to Moorhead, since they have a lot of unused space.”