Tag Archives: ncaa

Charles Barkley Helps FMO Readers With March Madness

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Unlike college, you have to do your own homework for March Madness!

Basketball, USA – Your FM Observer has asked our friend Sir Charles Barkley to help our loyal readers with their March Madness bracketology.

FMO: Sir Charles, how can you tell the difference between a winning team and a losing team?
CB: ​Well, the main difference between a winner and a loser is if they win or not.

FMO: How does this year’s tournament compare with previous ones?
CB: I think this is the hardest tournament to predict because we don’t know any of the results yet.

FMO: Why is it so difficult to pick all the winners correctly?
CB: Because the number of different combinations of winning teams is way up in the thousands.

FMO: What is the main “IF” in a basketball game?
CB: Some say “IF” is the injury factor, but I say if ifs were gifts, every day would be Christmas.

FMO: Do you have a message for the NDSU Bison fans?
CB: The best way for your Bison to do well is to use the power of the herd, by stampeding the competition down into the ground, and never look back.

Dolphin Correctly Picks Every Game In First Two Rounds Of March Madness

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Debbie predicted that Michigan State and Xavier were going down!

Dolphin, Virginia – A smiling dolphin named Debbie successfully beat the odds and picked every game correctly in the first two rounds of the 2016 NCAA Basketball Tournament.

The exact number of different combinations for just Round One’s 32 games is 2 to the power of 32 which comes out to: 4,294,967,296!

Even tho there were only five big “upsets” in Rounds 1 & 2 based on seeding numbers, Debbie had chosen the following five teams to lose: #2 Michigan State, #3 West Virginia, #4 California, #3 Utah, and #2 Xavier. At the time she made her picks, Debbie’s trainers thought she was crazy.

Debbie has also made her picks for the rest of the March Madness Tournament. Even though there are 32,768 different combinations of winners for the remaining 15 games, Debbie seems quite confident that she knows what the hell she’s doing.

Besides picking basketball games, Debbie can also play basketball. She has a mean reverse lay-up and is deadly from 3-point land.

Some Rejected UND Nicknames Maybe Worth Another Look

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Sitting Bull still standing outside The Ralph

Grand Forks, ND – With the Fighting Sioux nickname being run out of town by the NCAA, the Grand Forks Herald recently made available the list of all the submitted alternative nicknames for UND.

Some of the ideas that were submitted are being considered to be finalists, and naturally, some are not. Let’s face it: not every one can be a winner.

Here is a list of the Top 20 nickname ideas submitted by sports fans which the FM Observer feels are the best ones NOT making the cut. Let’s call these the Best-of-the-Worst! They are in no particular order and followed by the fan’s explanation.

TOP 20 BEST-OF-THE-WORST UND NEW NICKNAMES:

Alcoholics Anonymous: We can share our love of alcohol with the entire community while inspiring the area to get past any problems with alcohol.

Flying Squirrels: Have you ever walked on campus? They are everywhere!

Fricking Frackers: It’s obvious. ND was headed for oblivion and then came the fracking energy boom. Fracking is paying the bills. The mascot could be the poison symbol found on toxins. Would be uniquely North Dakotan. Very catchy!

Emergency Room Werewolves: Honors the medical school while adopting a mascot which will not offend any group.

Libtards: Because Libtard Assfuckery has cost the people of ND millions so far. Why not more?

Jackalopes: The fictitious animal lobby is not very strong so this nickname should stand for a while.

Fighting Asparagus: Because UND is green and asparagus can inspire the fans. Veggies are good.

Choke Artists: Every year they can’t win a title.

Saltine Crackers: Mild, white, and underwhelming, this name aptly embodies the culture of the university.

Fighting Attorneys: UND has a great law school and students can chant Sue! Sue! Sue!

Drunk Fighting Racists: Perfectly encapsulates ALL North Dakota fans as well as being a throwback to the old Fighting Sioux nickname you insensitive assholes.

SmallPox: Because it killed the Sioux.

Zombies from UNDead: Zombies are really “IN” right now. The mascot/nickname would be EPIC!

Road Conditions: First listing when I Googled: “North Dakota”.

Land Sharks: Sharks are noble animals that defend their home territory with vigor. They don’t make sense on the Great Plains so the “Land” is added.

Moderate Muslims: Not a real thing so no one can claim offense.

Wood Ticks: How ticked off would a wood tick get if a wood tick would get ticked?

Here are a few extra submissions that apparently needed no explanation:
Backdoor Lumberjacks
Feral Farmers
Puck Sluts

Fargo Group Making Serious Run At Perfect March Madness Bracket

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officesetup

Bracket Central

Fargo, ND—Basketball fans have been guessing the March Madness tournament for decades. Every year, it seems, contestant stakes have been getting higher and higher. Cash prizes as well as bragging rights are among the available rewards for having the most accurate prediction.

The odds of you picking every single game correctly are roughly four trillion to one. Local March Madman Ryan Noisewater wants badly to destroy these odds. He’s crafted a master plan to win.

Hours before all the bracket challenges went live we spoke with Ryan to find out just what it takes to nail the perfect bracket.

“My hand-picked Bracket Posse spent the winter creating throw-away email accounts that can be used multiple times for any and every bracket challenge on the planet,” Ryan says. “We’re armed with two computers per guy–one ergonomic mouse for each arm and each machine has multiple monitors and replacement hardware on-site in case of computer malfunction. We run equipped with eighteen crates of Mountain Dew, prepaid masseuses, bedpans, and very limited basketball knowledge. We are ready.”

Ryan says he’s taken every factor into account during clinical trials he and his crew ran during the NCAA offseason. “We experimented with bracket completion possibility throughput via time-tested computer algorithms; how many left-clicks one hand can complete in a given second and how many seconds it takes to open an account and complete a bracket,” he explained. “This is how we’re cramming as many brackets as humanly possible into the system. I’ve also developed a simple equation in which you memorize a sequence of numbers (according to seed) and pick your teams in such a way that none of the brackets my team generates in the time allotted will be the same. One guy works with this set of numbers, the other guy works with that set of numbers. One of our brackets is bound to hit.”

By now, Ryan and his bracket posse should be hard at work clicking numbers and sucking down Dew in an effort to claim their trophy.

Jamaal Franklin of San Diego State Says He Isn’t a Ball Hog.

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Jamaal Franklin Passes To Himself and Then Dunks It

Jamaal Franklin, a 6-5 guard at San Diego State got a score and an assist from the same dunk.  This all happened because ball hog Jamaal passed to himself via bouncing it off the backboard and then proceeds to dunk it.  San Diego State went on to beat Fresno State by 65-62.

Some people are talking about dunk of the year.  I say ‘No way man!’  Although cool, this man should be awarded the BALL HOG OF THE YEAR award.

I’m not a ball hog. Not one bit. People pass to themselves all the time. Everyone wasn’t paying attention during this play. Actually nobody pays attention during any game and it just happens to be me having the ball at all times.  I’m not a ball hog brah. ~ Jamaal Franklin