Tag Archives: basketball

Charles Barkley Helps FMO Readers With March Madness

Unlike college, you have to do your own homework for March Madness!

Basketball, USA – Your FM Observer has asked our friend Sir Charles Barkley to help our loyal readers with their March Madness bracketology.

FMO: Sir Charles, how can you tell the difference between a winning team and a losing team?
CB: ​Well, the main difference between a winner and a loser is if they win or not.

FMO: How does this year’s tournament compare with previous ones?
CB: I think this is the hardest tournament to predict because we don’t know any of the results yet.

FMO: Why is it so difficult to pick all the winners correctly?
CB: Because the number of different combinations of winning teams is way up in the thousands.

FMO: What is the main “IF” in a basketball game?
CB: Some say “IF” is the injury factor, but I say if ifs were gifts, every day would be Christmas.

FMO: Do you have a message for the NDSU Bison fans?
CB: The best way for your Bison to do well is to use the power of the herd, by stampeding the competition down into the ground, and never look back.

Dennis Rodman To Receive Nobel Peace Prize

The greatest rebounding forward in NBA history has just become a world leader of peace, who’s sponsored by Potcoin.

Singapore – Former basketball great Dennis Rodman was notified before leaving Singapore that he will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

The official declaration reads: “By bringing North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un and President Trump together for their historic Singapore summit, we bestow upon you the Nobel Peace Prize.”

While wearing his MAGA cap and Potcoin shirt, Nobel Peace Prize winner Dennis Rodman cried at the idea of winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Mr. Rodman: “I just don’t know what to say. To have had a roll in bringing this peace summit together is something I could only have dreamed of. Is this a dream? I don’t know. We’ll find out tomorrow when we all wake up.”

Dolphin Correctly Picks Every Game In First Two Rounds Of March Madness

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Debbie predicted that Michigan State and Xavier were going down!

Dolphin, Virginia – A smiling dolphin named Debbie successfully beat the odds and picked every game correctly in the first two rounds of the 2016 NCAA Basketball Tournament.

The exact number of different combinations for just Round One’s 32 games is 2 to the power of 32 which comes out to: 4,294,967,296!

Even tho there were only five big “upsets” in Rounds 1 & 2 based on seeding numbers, Debbie had chosen the following five teams to lose: #2 Michigan State, #3 West Virginia, #4 California, #3 Utah, and #2 Xavier. At the time she made her picks, Debbie’s trainers thought she was crazy.

Debbie has also made her picks for the rest of the March Madness Tournament. Even though there are 32,768 different combinations of winners for the remaining 15 games, Debbie seems quite confident that she knows what the hell she’s doing.

Besides picking basketball games, Debbie can also play basketball. She has a mean reverse lay-up and is deadly from 3-point land.

March Madness 2013

One Thing About March Madness That Annoys Me

March Madness 2013Dunks.

Dunks you say?  Yes dunks.  A lot of these dunks I’ve seen while watching March Madness have left me shaking my head at times.

Everytime someone dunks the crowd oozes in excitement and the teams bench goes crazy.  Some guy dunks and the crowd goes, “ohhhhhhhh nah he didn’t.”  Oh..oh he did.

Why would dunks annoy you you ask?  Well, because the dude is usually 6ft 8.  All they need to do is hop and they pretty much dunk it.  Trip?  It’s a dunk.  Accidental sneeze?  Slam flying dunk.  You ever play basketball with your little niece or nephews or whatnot where everyone is shorter then you?  Well that’s pretty much these guys.  I can dunk.  I can school every little kid at basketball any time I want I’m that good.  I’ll dunk over them any day of the week.  They got NOTHING on me.

Basically these centers are just tall and stand there quite a bit.  Here is how the recruitment process goes.  “Hey you’re really tall.  Would you like a college scholarship to be tall and hop dunk some balls in?  Yes?  Greeeeaaaaat.”

If I see someone that is 6ft 3 or under dunk it then I’m impressed.  Anyone else, you’re that guy playing the nieces and nephews.  Do your dunk and slowly jog on over to the other side of the court there buddy.  They need your blocking ability.  Or just your large human mass to stand there with your hands up.

UND Announcer Actually Suspended For Making Blunt Observation

6275360206_4b98ee148d_zGrand Forks, ND – In a tale that made national headlines in Bristol, CT via ESPN dot com, University of North Dakota men’s basketball play-by-play voice Paul Ralston was suspended for offering a piece of ACTUAL CANDID INSIGHT on what took place during a home game. Ralston was yanked for 2 games after calling what happened with the Sioux a “choke job” during a post-loss interview with the hoops team head coach.

If you’ll remember, Minnesota Twins commentator Bert Blyleven received very similar punishment (5 games suspended, which is a much smaller percentage of the season) for eliciting not one, but TWO consecutive mega-F-bombs live on the air during a big league baseball broadcast.

Bert cussed loudly and to a far-reaching audience, not realizing he was live on air. Paul made a simple observation with the use of widely-known sports slang terminology knowing that he was being heard by the masses and realizing that this is not a thing anyone involved in sports should ever be punished for.

The Observer did not bother reaching out to UND brass for comment, as this story pretty much speaks for itself.

This news comes not as a shock, but a glaring misrepresentation of what the United States Constitution calls “freedom of expression” somewhere in one of those silly amendments people often forget exist.

Jamaal Franklin of San Diego State Says He Isn’t a Ball Hog.

Jamaal Franklin Passes To Himself and Then Dunks It

Jamaal Franklin, a 6-5 guard at San Diego State got a score and an assist from the same dunk.  This all happened because ball hog Jamaal passed to himself via bouncing it off the backboard and then proceeds to dunk it.  San Diego State went on to beat Fresno State by 65-62.

Some people are talking about dunk of the year.  I say ‘No way man!’  Although cool, this man should be awarded the BALL HOG OF THE YEAR award.

I’m not a ball hog. Not one bit. People pass to themselves all the time. Everyone wasn’t paying attention during this play. Actually nobody pays attention during any game and it just happens to be me having the ball at all times.  I’m not a ball hog brah. ~ Jamaal Franklin


WNBA game suspended after ball gets stuck between rim and backboard

ballstuck_1Minneapolis, MN – A recent professional Women’s National Basketball Association game between the Minnesota Lynx and the Atlanta Dream suffered a stoppage in play after the ball became lodged between the rim and the backboard.

A Lynx player went for a fast-break layup only to see her shot get stuck, and as her attempts to rebound the ball became futile other Lynx team members and opposing players gave it their best try but none came close. Players offered to form a type of human pyramid to try to obtain the ball but the training staff and league officials would not allow it.

The officiating crew requested help from the crowd, but attendance for the evening’s game consisted of roughly 150 unenthusiastic fans not willing to provide assistance. Coaches and players then proceeded to throw water bottles at the ball to dislodge it, but to no avail.

Seeing as though the nearest Home Depot was 20 minutes away, purchasing a ladder became an unavailable option. Referees suspended play after efforts to remove the ball fell short.

Michael Jordan is the worst at something



Charlotte, NC – Legendary NBA baller Michael Jordan is worldly renowned for being the best professional basketball player of all time. ON the court. These days, his Airness has been occupying the complete opposite end of the NBA spectrum. He’s a majority owner of the worst professional basketball team around. The Charlotte Bobcats of the NBA are so terrible, they’ve won only 7 out of 66 games this season making that a win percentage of .106!

It’s mostly due to the unparalleled will and desire of Jordan, who in a recent post-game interview broke it down for the Observer:

“I have been dominating the game of basketball ever since college. I have quieted every single one of my doubters and haters. Frankly, I’ve gotten complacent with success so this year I’ve made the decision to fail. Gonna try it out. I plan to prove the doubters right and silence everyone who thought I could do it, who thought I could helm a successful team OFF the court.”

Air Jordan can be seen sitting courtside during most of the team’s games, presumably to strike fear and intimidation into his own squad. His presence seems to have a negative impact on the team as the Bobcats simply refuse to win under His Greatness’s watchful eye. Air is dominating the game like he always has. He knows exactly what he’s doing.