Tag Archives: obama administration

Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government

There’s no such thing as Free Cheese except when it comes to Big Government.

Cheesetown, Pennsylvania – In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to almost anyone willing and able to eat it.

The Affordable Cheese Act was passed by Congress in the dead of night so that we could read what the new law actually said.

The ACA “shall provide free cheese to anyone who voted Democrat in the last election”.

The U.S. taxpayers have already been taxed quite heavily so that this over-abundance of low-grade governmental cheese can now be offered freely to those who may want free cheese from the government.

Federal ACA officials will be offering free demonstrations on how to cut the cheese, and then how to use it to make some basic All-American healthy recipes such as: double grilled cheese sandwitches, macaroni and cheese casserole hotdish, and very deep-fried cheese curds.

To get your free Government Cheese, simply stand in line wherever free governmental handouts are normally offered and use promo-code “FGC-2017” when filling out the mandatory 12-page IRS tax form #C-1270-BO.

As a special bonus, you can even get your picture taken for free at the free cheese handout office. Remember to smile wide and say “Cheese!”

NSA Sick Of Watching Us Screw Up ‘Your’ and ‘You’re’

National_Security_Agency.svgWashington, DC—Reports that the National Security Administration is pulling our phone records have been met with serious outcry over whether or not this action infringes on American citizens’ right to privacy.

In response, the NSA is playing damage control by stating that it’s already getting sick of reading all the poor grammar and typographical errors contained in the many thousands of texts, facebook statuses, tweets and blog entries it’s been reading and that it will probably unfollow you guys really soon.

“Jesus Christ, people. It’s YOU’RE, not YOUR. It’s not THEIR, it’s THERE for crying out loud.” White House spokesman Josh Earnest said.

Earnest went on to say that the classified government initiative PRISM never expected to encounter such a tremendous amount of useless information coupled with lackadaisical grammatical proofreading and that going forward, those two factors combined would ultimately render our typed conversations both useless and unreadable.

“On behalf of the NSA and the Obama administration, i’d like to formally demand that you guys figure out who/whom, they’re/their, your/you’re among other irresponsible typos or we are going to unfollow all of you on twitter. I’m being serious.”