Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes, Bigger And Better Than Ever!

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Bison Turf will respond Bison Tough!

Bison Turf will respond Bison Tough!

Fargo, ND – As the current chapter of the Bison Turf Bar changed from mass to energy (divided by the speed of light squared), the next chapter of its future was already beginning to rise from the ashes.

As perdition’s flames burned, positive universal karma was already flowing toward The Bison Turf from the moons of Nibia and from around the Antares Maelstrom.

The new Bison Turf Megaplex will not only be fireproof, but will be one of the most kick-ass, state-of-the-art places to hava bier in America.

There will be six floors to commemorate the six back-to-back national championships by the Bison Football team (the previous five championships plus the next one).

First Floor: The Bison Tough Lounge, which will be amazingly similar to the old Bison Turf Bar lounge, to honor past traditions.
Second Floor: The Champ Camp will be similar to the new Bison Tough Lounge but way cooler.
Third Floor: Instant Replay will be very high-tech with countless flat-screen TVs all showing Bison highlights from yesteryears.
Fourth Floor: Finish Strong to acknowledge that it takes four strong quarters to win a game.
Fifth Floor: The Floor Of Fame will surround patrons with a plethora of pictures and collectibles from all stand-out Bison athletes from all sports.
Sixth Floor: The Joy Of Six Rooftop Penthouse will be from where Bison fans can begin to cheer on the Bison Football team’s upcoming and astounding sixth consecutive national championship.

New Fargo Motorcycle Gang Called ‘Hell Monkeys’

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Fargo cautiously welcomes The Hell Monkeys to town.

Fargo, ND – Whether it likes it or not, Fargo now has a new motorcycle gang with which to contend.

The Hell Monkeys are their name and they claim to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Hell Monkey members tend to emulate one another because: monkey see, monkey do.

They purportedly only deal with monkey business that may or may not land them behind monkey bars.

Fargo Police might throw a monkey wrench into their plans if The Hell Monkeys decide to monkey around any laws.

The gang’s leader is named Bingo – a grease monkey by trade, a beer monkey during the evenings, a monkeyshine on the weekends, and a monkey’s uncle to Bubbles who lived at Neverland Ranch with Michael’s Jackson.

The Hell Monkey motto is “see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil” which includes disregarding all speed limits since they cannot read street signs.

The gang concurs with the old saying: if you pay peanuts, you get chunky monkeys but if you don’t pay any peanuts, you get angry monkeys.

They are also warning Fargo residents to never monkey with another monkey’s monkey.

If you ever need to get a monkey off your back, you may need to monkey up and do the monkey hustle with some fresh bananas, lest one or more gang members go ape on you.

Middle Finger Replaces Frown Face On Social Media

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An emoticon that says two words!

Middle Branch, Ohio – In an on-going effort to stay culturally current, the old frown face is now being replaced by the middle finger on The Facebook.

Emoticon experts all agree that this is a very good move in the right direction.

“The middle finger is way more expressive than the old frown face” says Tink Winkerdahl who blogs from his parents’ basement in Middlesex, New York.

“I personally believe that the middle finger is here to stay. The beta version which was introduced just last week has already been used a lot!”

FMO’s 1st Annual Snackathon Eating Contest

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FMO's 1st Annual Snackathon Eating Contest

FMO’s 1st Annual Snackathon Eating Contest

West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer is proud to be teaming up with the Hostess Snack Corporation to bring you our First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest!

Everyone is invited to join in with our First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest.

Here are some of the exciting details of our First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest:

  • In the comfort of your own home, see how many Hostess snacks you can consume in any 24-hour period.
  • Keep track of how many Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Zingers, and Chocodiles you can successfully consume without ever purging.
  • This contest is based on the Honor System however please keep all snack wrappers for possible verificational purposes.
  • Please record your beginning weight and also your ending weight at the conclusion of your chosen 24-hour period.
  • Email the FMObserver@Gmail.com all of your final numbers: Total number of each type of snack consumed along with your beginning and ending weights.
  • Prizes shall be awarded for the most Hostess snacks consumed.
  • First Prize will be a trip to Grand Forks during a blizzard.
  • Second Prize will be two trips to Grand Forks during a blizzard.
How many Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Zingers, and Chocodiles can you eat in a 24-hour period?

How many Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Zingers, and Chocodiles can you eat in a 24-hour period?

Pokémon Parents Pleading Please Stop The Insanity

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Pokémon Caption Hier

Pokémon Go Crazy!

West Fargo, ND – After a five year old child was hit by a Mack truck while walking across the interstate highway at midnight, the child’s parents are asking for the insanity to stop.

After a distracted tot climbed into a Cincinnati gorilla pit while doing the Pokémon, the parents are asking for the insanity to stop.

After a young boy turned his bicycle into a Pokémon Go machine and then drove off the edge of a Grand Canyon cliff, parents are asking Pokémon Go to Pokéstop!

A spokémon for the Nintendo company, Diantic Kabushiki, stated that “our new location-based mobile reality game is helping many children get up and go out to try and catch Pokémon in the real world while receiving alerts when a Pokémon is nearby.”

What do you think about Pokémon Go? Do you have any stories or insights into this new phenomenon that is sweeping the country? The FMObserver plans to Poképrobe this hot topic until we clearly know how this Pokéstory ends.

‘Black Lights Matter’ Has One Small Problem

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Blacklight Smatter

Blacklight Smatter

Fargo, ND – A number of people in the North Fargo area had recently replaced their normally white porch lights with blacklights to show support for the Black Lights Matter movement.

Not only did this look real cool but it showed that these neighborhoods cared with this expression of solidarity for a trending national cause.

Unfortunately, in practical terms, the dimly lit streets in these areas have allowed the crime rate to dramatically increase.

The number of robberies, burglaries, break-ins, car-jackings, and muggings more than tripled overnight ever since the brighter white lights were replaced with the blacklights.

Kimbrell Scavetta, a spokesperson for Black Lights Matter commented: “We have no comment at this time about this matter, although I will say that we positively disagree with any negativity directed towards Black Lights Matter as a result of these unsubstantiated statistical findings.”

Moral of the story: Sometimes trying to support national causes causes more problems rather than helping to solve problems.

Fotos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead

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Photography by Fritz The Cat

Photography by Fritz The Cat

Moorhead, MN – A new business is finally coming to the quirky town of Moorhead.

Fotos by Fritz the Cat will be opening its doors this week at the sight of the old Ralph’s bar on Main Avenue, just across the river in downtown Moorhead.

Frankly, Fritz admits to being an illegal alien cat who snuck into town via Lutheran Social Services.

Fritz began taking pictures when still just a small kitten back in his home province of Catmandu, in the mountainous country of Nipel, after being given a camera by the Dolly Llama.

Now, Fritz the Cat would like to serve the off-beat town of Moorhead with his photography skills.

His specialties are weddings, funerals, family pictures, graduations, mugshots, retirements, births, bar mitzvahs, accidents, and circumcisions.

To schedule a shooting, Fritz recommends contacting his wife, Miss Kitty.

If you mention the FM Observer, you will receive a 50% discount off of the normally inflated price due to Obamacare.

Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months

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Psymon Soothsayer says: “This is the first of many chasms to come.”

Fargo, ND – A well-known psychic has predicted that Fargo will soon be riddled with many good-sized sinkholes.

Psymon Soothsayer recently went on the record with the FMObserver and prognosticated that “numerous sinkholes will soon be forthcoming in and around Fargo, with the first one to manifest itself just north of the West Acres area.”

Now that it’s happened (at the intersection of 9th Avenue South and 42nd Street), city officials are giving Psymon Soothsayer’s sinkhole prediction much more credibility.

Psome of Psymon’s other recent predictions that have turned out to be correct include:

> The Minnesota Twins would have a dismal year.
> Donald Trump would become the presumptive GOP nominee.
> Prince would unexpectedly expire without a will.
> The Rio Olympics would be moved to Zanzibar due to The Zika.

If you discover a new sinkhole in the Fargo area, please report it to the Fargo Sinkhole Hotline: 1-800-SINKHOLE.

If you end up down inside a sinkhole, it’s probably best to call 9-1-1!

New Pizza Business To Specialize In Deliveries To Jails And Prisons

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Here’s your fracking pizza!

Bismarck, ND – A new pizza delivery company will soon be unlocking its doors in North Dakota.

Prison Pizza Pros will specialize in hot deliveries to those who find themselves behind bars.

All pizzas shall be of the “Deep Dish” variety so as to allow contraband to be secretly smuggled into the inmates who requested the hot delivery.

The idea first came to Prison Pizza Pros owner Frankie Siciliani who thought to himself while doing time, “Man, I could sure go for a hot pizza delivery right now, especially one that has a small metal hacksaw inside of it”.

After asking around, Frankie’s feasibility study revealed that most prisoners would certainly be in favor of ordering a hot pizza that had a small metal hacksaw inside of it.

Some of the more popular choices from Prison Pizza Pros are:

The General Population (Large, All Meat Pizza)
The Solitary Confinement (One Topping Pizza)
The Death Row Pizza (Super Spicy Jailapeno Peppers)

Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song ‘Kashmir’

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Mrs. Roberta Plantain performs her song “Kashmir” on the sidewalks of downtown Fargo while wearing her favorite Kashmir scarf.

Fargo, ND – An elderly Fargo woman is planning to sue Led Zeppelin for stealing a song that she claims she wrote back in 1972.

The lady’s name is Mrs. Roberta Plantain and the name of the song that she claims Led Zeppelin plagiarized from her is called “Kashmir”.

She originally wanted to sue Led Zeppelin for $5,000 but her attorney has upped that amount to $50 million.

Mrs. Plantain: “Yeah, they pretty much copied my song note for note, and word for word, after I performed it with my piano on the sidewalks of downtown Fargo back in the early 70s.”

Anyone interested in supporting Roberta in her effort to sue Led Zeppelin is invited to join her downtown sidewalk gatherings where she will repeatedly perform her song “Kashmir” in its full and original version.