Gmail Now Permitting Use Of Emoji In New Email Addresses

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octopus thinks kermit smokes poo at gmail dot com is just one of the many hilarious combinations you can use.

Palo Alto, CA – Great news this day for emoji fans and horrifying news for emoji haters. That little smileyface icon you’ve fallen in love with using in messages has taken one step closer to formally joining the lexicon as Google announced yesterday it is allowing those characters in brand new Gmail usernames.

Now, instead of using a series of letters, numbers, or periods, you can slide an emoji or 12 in there.

Emoji, the double-edged sword of 21st-century typists, are officially allowable characters to use in a new Gmail address. What does this mean for computer users? It means you’re going to have to join the rest of the mainstreamers and go mobile OR you can refer to the internet as your not-too-convenient emoji clipboard. Good news is, we’re here to help ease you through this transition.

Here’s a gentle listing of the most commonly used emoji for you to copy/paste whenever you need to send one of those annoying new emoji gmail addresses a message:

😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 ☺️ 😊 😇 🙂 🙃 😉 😌 😍 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😜 😝 😛 🤑 🤗 🤓 😎 🤡 🤠 😏 😒 😞 😔 😟 😕 🙁 ☹️ 😣 😖 😫 😩 😤 😠 😡 😶 😐 😑 😯 😦 😧 😮 😲 😵 😳 😱 😨 😰 😢 😥 🤤 😭 😓 😪 😴 🙄 🤔 🤥 😬 🤐 🤢 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 😈 👿 👹 👺 💩 👻 💀 ☠️ 👽 👾 🤖 🎃 😺 😸 😹 😻 😼 😽 🙀 😿 😾 👐 🙌 👏 🙏 🤝 👍 👎 👊 ✊ 🤛 🤜 🤞 ✌️ 🤘 👌 👈 👉 👆 👇 ☝️ ✋ 🤚 🖐 🖖 👋 🤙 💪 🖕 ✍️ 🤳 💅 🖖 💄 💋 👄 👅 👂 👃 👣 👁 👀 🗣 👤 👥 👶 👦 👧 👨 👩 👱‍♀️ 👱 👴 👵 👲 👳‍♀️ 👳 👮‍♀️ 👮 👷‍♀️ 👷 💂‍♀️ 💂 🕵️‍♀️ 🕵️ 👩‍⚕️ 👨‍⚕️ 👩‍🌾 👨‍🌾 👩‍🍳 👨‍🍳 👩‍🎓 👨‍🎓 👩‍🎤 👨‍🎤 👩‍🏫 👨‍🏫 👩‍🏭 👨‍🏭 👩‍💻 👨‍💻 👩‍💼 👨‍💼 👩‍🔧 👨‍🔧 👩‍🔬 👨‍🔬 👩‍🎨 👨‍🎨 👩‍🚒 👨‍🚒 👩‍✈️ 👨‍✈️ 👩‍🚀 👨‍🚀 👩‍⚖️ 👨‍⚖️ 🤶 🎅 👸 🤴 👰 🤵 👼 🤰 🙇‍♀️ 🙇 💁 💁‍♂️ 🙅 🙅‍♂️ 🙆 🙆‍♂️ 🙋 🙋‍♂️ 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♂️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♂️ 🙎 🙎‍♂️ 🙍 🙍‍♂️ 💇 💇‍♂️ 💆 💆‍♂️ 🕴 💃 🕺 👯 👯‍♂️ 🚶‍♀️ 🚶 🏃‍♀️ 🏃 👫 👭 👬 💑 👩‍❤️‍👩 👨‍❤️‍👨 💏 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 👪 👨‍👩‍👧 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 👩‍👩‍👦 👩‍👩‍👧 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 👨‍👨‍👦 👨‍👨‍👧 👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 👨‍👨‍👧‍👧 👩‍👦 👩‍👧 👩‍👧‍👦 👩‍👦‍👦 👩‍👧‍👧 👨‍👦 👨‍👧 👨‍👧‍👦 👨‍👦‍👦 👨‍👧‍👧 👚 👕 👖 👔 👗 👙 👘 👠 👡 👢 👞 👟 👒 🎩 🎓 👑 ⛑ 🎒 👝 👛 👜 💼 👓 🕶 🌂 ☂️

Better scoop up lying sick clown dancer at gmail dotcom before anyone else does. 🤥🤢🤡🕺@gmail.com.

**Please note our email address has changed from fmobserver@gmail.com to: @gmail.com**

Man Hit By Train In Stable Condition While Recovering At The Morgue

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Even tho you’re on the right track, you may be going the wrong direction. –Bob Dylan

Moorhead, MN – Police report that a man was hit by a train in Moorhead early this morning.

Officer Tarin Starck believes that 1. either the man did not know where he was walking, or 2. he knew but did not know a train was coming, or 3. he knew but thought he could jump out of the way, or 4. he for some reason could not jump from the tracks at the last minute, or 5. he had no plans to jump out of the way in the first place.

Luckily the man who was hit by a train in Moorhead is reported to be in stable condition while recovering nicely at the county morgue.

Ironically, all the letters in Tarin Starck can be re-arranged to spell: Train Tracks!

FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month

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We want to hire you but can only hire a few to add to our great crew and bring some blood that’s new.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, once again it’s almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer!

Because we’ve lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we’ll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including:

Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head Sous Chef, Numerologist, Executive Psychic, Domestic Engineer, Drone Specialist, Press Secretariat, Safety Council Chairman, Assistant Paralegologist, Research Coordinator, Verbal Judo Bouncer, and Dog Whisperer.

Benefits of joining the FMO Team:
1. Free doggy daycare.
2. No pay and no bonuses.
3. Non-flexible schedules.
4. Team meeting inclusion.
5. No healthcare insurance.
6. Self Esteem booster shots.
7. Free coffee from 5:30-6:00 AM.
8. Focus and Purpose to your life.
9. English as a first language classes.
10. Joy from having found your Last Job.

Fargo Bar Fight Begins After Man Asks Another To Borrow His Toogit

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Hey buddy, do you mind if I borrow your toogit? What the hell did you just ask me?!

Fargo, ND – In what could have been because of a possible misunderstanding, a bar fight broke out last night in a downtown Fargo bar after one man seemingly innocently asked a stranger if he could borrow the other man’s toogit.

Things quickly escalated to the point where push came to shove followed by the obligatory punches to the face.

Police officers on the scene talking to eye-witnesses later determined that the whole thing started due to a simple lack of understanding regarding what is a toogit.

Misunderstanding quickly escalated to perceived disrespect followed by the obligatory pummeling all because of a toogit.

FMO Interviews United Airlines CEO Oscar Muñoz

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“Voluntary” now means you get forcibly bumped and dragged off a plane in a bloody mess.

Chicago, IL – Our on-the-spot field agent reporter in Chicago is Zurdly Zervative who just happened to file this timely interview with the CEO of United Airlines after they forcibly removed a fully paid passenger from his seat for not voluntarily giving up his seat to Louisville because the flight was overbooked.

FM Observer: Is overbooking a problem for United Airlines and if so what can be done about it?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: Yes it is. We are asking for less people to fly United Airlines so that overbooking is not such a problem for us which then might lead to less instances where we have to forcibly bump and drag paid customers off a plane in bloody daylight.

FM Observer: So is “Bump & Drag” your new policy and slogan?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: Yes. Bump & Drag is our new official slogan and policy. It has long been our unofficial slogan and policy but now we are simply making it official, if you will.

FM Observer: Is it truly random how you pick which passenger(s) must voluntarily be forcibly removed while getting bloodied up in front of a planeful of gawking onlookers?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: We say it is random but actually we just pick which person(s) we don’t like the most based on a number of “parameters” which our attorneys remind me that I should not mention here.

FM Observer: Do you see this latest incident possibully hurting United Airlines and even you personally?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: No. I think some people with twisted minds who may perhaps enjoy being forcibly bumped and dragged off an overbooked plane might actually increase our business once the word gets around that we do not-so-randomly bump and drag paid customers off a plane while bloodying them up in the process.

FM Observer: Theoretically, looking back on what happened and how it was handled later, would you do now what you did then if you knew then what you know now?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: Everything I did then I would do again if I knew then what I know now except I might change what happened initially and also my stupid insensitive comments about it afterwards, theoretically.

FM Observer: Any reason why the United Airlines headquarters is located on Wacker Drive?

CEO Oscar Muñoz: Thanks, but you do not want to know the answer to that question. And I’m sorry but it looks like we have another bloody incident here that I must try to cover up.

United Airlines Expecting Insignificant Revenue Shortfall Amidst Controversy

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Louisville, KY – $36 billion in annual revenue could turn into a mere $33 billion after video of United airline staff violently re-appropriating or re-accommodating or re-moving or whatever they call what they did to a paid customer surfaced the other day.

“We might lose a couple potential flyers. It is an unfortunate consequence of millions of people witnessing an involuntary de-boarding or mandatory un-planing or whatever we’re calling what we did to that passenger the other day,” said United spokesperson Phishla Crowntank. “He wouldn’t get himself off so we had to get him off.”

There’s no telling what this tiny revenue shortfall will do to the airline. Our guess is that instead of 4 passengers getting up to $1300 apiece for being unavoidably extricated from a flight, perhaps they’ll have their bouncers fist-beat and drag three paid customers for $1000 apiece instead.

Meanwhile, remember to bring a helmet in your carry-on luggage next time you fly United.

Playing Slot Machines Good For Health

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Each hour spent playing slot machines doubles-down the health benefits.

Jackpot, Nevada – A new comprehensive study by casinos shows that there are numerous health benefits associated with playing slot machines.

Essentially, the more time spent playing slot machines, the healthier (and sometimes wealthier) you become.

Doctor Simon Cleath who conducted the study for the casino industry says the results were somewhat surprising.

“We knew that playing slot machines was good for your health but just did not know to what extent,” Simon says.

Documentation shows that everything from blood pressure, to heart health, to cholesterol, to stress and nervous tension show marked improvements when comparing slot machine players to people in placebo groups such as prisoners, nurses, construction workers, and deployed marines.

So, if you were contemplating hitting the local casino today but were thinking maybe you should go for a nice long walk instead, “pack your bags and gamble all night at the casino, if you want to have fun, win lots of money, and get super healthy at the same time,” Simon says.

Ironically, all the letters in “Simon Cleath” can be re-arranged to spell: Slot Machine.

Fargo Man Demonstrates How To Levitate Using Advanced Meditation Techniques

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Do not try this at home unless you are accompanied by a trained Transcendental Meditator.

Fargo, ND – If you believe in levitation but have never actually witnessed it, or if you would have to see it in order to believe it, then you’re in luck.

Tony Vedic, who grew up in Levita, Texas but who now calls Fargo home, not only can levitate with the best of them, but is willing to put on levitational demonstrational show in his Downtown Fargo apartment for a nominal fee.

As a highly trained Transcendental Meditator known as a Sidha, Tony Vedic has more than mastered the art of Yogic Flying.

Tony in his own words: “I joined the Sidhi Program to become a Sidha which is where I learned how to levitate. By experiencing pure consciousness, a blissful inner freedom manifests itself outwardly in the form of levitation.”

If you would like to experience levitaion first hand, simply contact Tony Vedic to reserve your seat at an upcoming Levitation Demonstration. A mandatory voluntary entry fee of $25 will go to help Tony buy groceries and beer as well as some dogfood for his dog, Biscuits, who can also levitate (for a nominal fee).

Russians Hack Krispy Kreme’s Secret Recipe

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The Russians might use this recipe to make spare tires for their military trucks.

Moscow, Pennsylvania – With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe.

FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme’s secret doughnut recipe?

President Trump: I think it’s a bad deal, a very bad deal, which must be investigated.

Krispy Kreme Founder Vernon Rudolph: Impeccable presentation is critical wherever Krispy Kreme is sold. We must produce a collaborative team effort and never get hacked.

Krispy Kreme CEO Michael Tattersfield: Since 1937, we have striven and strived to be the worldwide leader in sharing delicious tastes and creating joyful memories.

Gov. Chris Christie: I am quite panicked right now! If I donut have my six Krispy Kreme Doughnuts every day I might have to close down a major highway while I have a major panic attack.

President Putin: This whole thing is just a big hoax. However, if we did hack the Krispy Kreme Doughnut secret recipe, we could use it to make spare tires for our military jeeps.

New FM Area Golf Course To Cross Interstate Highway

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Golf Pro Wade Lancer does not see playing golf over Interstate-94 as a big problem.

Fargo, ND – In an effort to keep up with a growing demand for golf courses in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, Urban Golf Association Partners (UGAP) is opening its newest challenge along Interstate 94.

It is called Fargo Diversions and its catchy slogan is: “We put the PAR in Party!” This unique golf course will have players actually shooting over I-94 in multiple places.

Its designers have added five extra holes so that par for the course is 94 shots in honor of the Interstate Highway 94.

“This 23 hole golf course will possibly be the location for the 2026 US Open Golf Tournament if things proceed as we have foreseen them,” says golf pro Wade Lancer who encourages you to please call the clubhouse and make your reservations to play Fargo’s newest and funnest golf course.

FM Observer: “But what about the cars? What about people playing golf across I-94? Doesn’t UGAP see this as a potential problem?”

Golf Pro Wade Lancer: “Well, we figure most FM area golfers are good enough to not hit a fracking car, and besides that, it’s not easy to hit a moving target so the golfers probably couldn’t hit a car or truck even if they were trying to.”