Tag Archives: downtown fargo

Rooftop Dancing Is The New Downtown Fargo Party Craze

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Paden & The Crofooters doing the dance that began the whole Rooftop Dancing Party Craze in Downtown Fargo!

Fargo, ND – As we all know, each and every new national craze usually starts as a spark in someone’s brain.

Well, the new craze is Rooftop Dancing and it began in renascent Downtown Fargo.

The idea came to Mr. Paden Crofoot after he had consumed multiple adult beverages during a brainstormy evening in Fargo’s hip downtown area.

Mr. Crofoot in his own words: “My idea was what if there were party people dancing at midnight on all the rooftops in downtown Fargo, and it was just like one big party?! Think of it as Fargo’s version of Dancing With The Stars!”

Ironically, all the letters in Paden Crofoot can carefully be re-arranged to also spell: Rooftop Dance!

Jack Nicholson Opening A Bar In Downtown Fargo

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Jack Nicholson is The Shining example of what an actor should be like.

Fargo, ND – Actor Jack of the Nicholson clan plans to open a new bar in renascent downtown Fargo called The Cuckoo’s Nest.

Not only does Jack Nicholson plan on opening a state-of-the-art bar in Fargo, but he also plans on spending a lot of time there visiting with Fargo locals who also enjoy sipping adult beverages because Jack has also just announced his intentions to permanently move to Fargo, the place of his childhood birth.

“Since I was born in Fargo at a very young age, this is from where I would like to enter heaven at a very old age,” says the actor who’s won an Oscar for three different films including One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

All females servers in The Cuckoo’s Nest will dress like Nurse Ratched and a large sign on the wall will remind patrons: “If you don’t want to take your medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange for you to have it some other way.”

FM Observer: “So just one final question for you Mr. Nicholson: What’s the main reason you want to finally retire from acting and move to Fargo and start taking it easy…just hanging out at The Cuckoo’s Nest?”

Jack Nicholson: “You want answers? You want answers? I’ll answer the question! Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs

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The Magic Donut caters to druggies.

Fargo, ND – Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo.

The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind.

Jami Hendrix: “Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?”

She is calling her new biz simply The Magic Donut.

Ms. Hendrix: “We want to heighten people’s donut experience. We can do this with special music and lighting, cool interactivities, along with the general design and layout of the space.”

Besides having wonderful donuts at The Magic Donut, Jami is planning on having:

1. Jimi Hendrix music playing backwards.
2. Highly interactive donut areas.
3. Booths that keep changing shape, like Oprah.
4. Movies playing such as Trainspotting and Blow.

Question: What is the slogan of this new Magic Donut you may ask?
Answer: “Donut chew wanna donut?” and “We have very high standards!”

Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings

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Man arrested in Fargo for dawdling. So, when in doubt, do not dawdle.

Fargo, ND – Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for “dawdling“.

“No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling,” says an adamant Slocco.

The arresting police officer added that there might have also been some “puttering” going on too.

Officer J.J. Haskins: “I first tried to suggest that this person just ‘mosey along‘. Dude, please, just meander off in one continuous direction for about a block. Even a slight ‘sashay‘ would have been good enough.”

But what the police officer got instead was an “ambling about” that closely resembled the earlier dawdling, or what the wine-drinking French sometimes loosely refer to as “coqueting“.

After Mr. Slocco was put into jail, correctional staff officers reported Nyork to be “skulking” in his cell.

While sauntering down to the refectory, Nyork Slocco saw a sign on the wall that read: “Learn to be civil. Stop with the frivol.”

Unofficial moral of the story: No matter your lot in life, a healthy vocabulary of synonyms can help you get a lot more out of your life and also into a lot more trouble.

Official moral of the story: Don’t Dawdle In Downtown Fargo.

New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons

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Buck McRoyster here gearing up his horse Trigger in Downtown Fargo’s new Lariat Bar & Horse Hotel.

Fargo, ND – With an increasing number of cowboy customers riding horseback due to Global Warming, Downtown Fargo will soon have a new restaurant/bar which will also provide an old-fashioned stables to hold your horses in comfort while the cowboys hava shot of whiskey and an Old West-style meal while their horses get fed, bathed, and groomed by friendly equinologists from the NDSU extension agency as a way of earning credits towards their degree in Horse Park Management Services.

The owner/manager of the new Lariat Bar & Restaurant & Stables is Buck McRoyster who sees his place filling a much needed niche in today’s green society.

“Yeah, like, if you are riding horse and want to stop by for a good meal and maby a bier or two, there just ain’t a lot of places you can go these daze that can accommodate a horse like my Trigger here,” Buck says.

“The Lariat should be quite popular with all the old time cowboys who still ride with pride, doyanowhatimsayn?”

Cowboy McRoyster also mentioned to us that they may eventually add a nice hotel and Massage Parlor.

Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song ‘Kashmir’

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Mrs. Roberta Plantain performs her song “Kashmir” on the sidewalks of downtown Fargo while wearing her favorite Kashmir scarf.

Fargo, ND – An elderly Fargo woman is planning to sue Led Zeppelin for stealing a song that she claims she wrote back in 1972.

The lady’s name is Mrs. Roberta Plantain and the name of the song that she claims Led Zeppelin plagiarized from her is called “Kashmir”.

She originally wanted to sue Led Zeppelin for $5,000 but her attorney has upped that amount to $50 million.

Mrs. Plantain: “Yeah, they pretty much copied my song note for note, and word for word, after I performed it with my piano on the sidewalks of downtown Fargo back in the early 70s.”

Anyone interested in supporting Roberta in her effort to sue Led Zeppelin is invited to join her downtown sidewalk gatherings where she will repeatedly perform her song “Kashmir” in its full and original version.

Newly Painted Downtown Fargo Buildings To Add Some Much Needed Color

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Downtown Fargo's New 'Color My World' Project

Downtown Fargo’s Colorization Project

Fargo, ND – Peter Maxim, an NDSU student majoring in Color Psychology, has come up with a great idea to make Downtown Fargo more attractive.

During the summer, Peter’s project called “Color My World” will gradually paint all of the old buildings in historic Downtown Fargo a specific palette of vibrant colors designed to bring the whole area to life.

“Gone will be the daze of drab and boring nothing-colors which have made the downtown area about as inviting as going to a divorce counseling session,” says Peter Maxim as he ponders what colors each individual building will be painted, based on their unique location and aura.

Peter Maxim: “Think of this project as basically a giant three-dimensional paint-by-number project needing hundreds of painters to change Fargo’s entire downtown area into livable art.”

Volunteer painters who help out the Color My World project will be provided free water compliments of the Buy Dehydrated Water company located on the internet.

If you would like to help make Downtown Fargo Great Again, please contact Mr. Peter Maxim or just show up downtown with a paintbrush, some safety glasses and a ladder, if you have one.

Top 10 Responses To FMO’s Man-On-The-Street Question: What If The Unthinkable Happens?

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FMO's Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

FMO’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what U think!

Fargo, ND – Our main man, Peter Quisling, is back out on the unswept sidewalks of the infamous Downtown Fargo, asking random people his most interesting Question-of-the-Day: What if the unthinkable happens?

After gathering hundreds of answers, Peter has compiled his Top Ten List of responses to the question:

What if…the Unthinkable happens?!

10. I would rather not think about it.

9. Excuse me, but do we know each other?

8. If Trump got elected, I’d move back to Cuba.

7. This is why I always keep extra Xanax on hand.

6. Honestly, I would probably go get an abortion.

5. Is this some sort of joke? Where’s the camera?

4. My family and I would most likely move to Vergas.

3. Isn’t this why we all have insurance coverage?!

2. I still think Hillary could be president from prison.

1. My answer is two simple words: Panic Room.

City Council Rejects Counter-Terrorism Proposal

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downtown-fargo-street-scene-1

     “Turret On The Roof” starring Bette Middler. Not coming to a theater near you.

Fargo, ND – In the wake of the San Bernadino attack, Fargo city council members tossed around some rather extreme counter-terrorism tactics. 

Among those ideas discussed:

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Counter-terrorism TANK

  • Tank patrol
  • Erect a big Incredible Hulk statue in front of Dempsey’s
  • Arm the homeless
  • Vacate downtown Fargo completely
  • Build a wall

The only considerable plan came from ambitious consulting firm Merryweather Security. They proposed that the city install a loaded machine gun turret on top of the Fargo Theater sign in an effort to discourage and/or swiftly eradicate illegal activity.

This proposal was bandied about, discussed at length, met with deep levels of concern and just today, finally rejected by the council.

Alternatively, South Fargo convenience store owners are said to be consulting with Merryweather independently. These owners seek drastic measures to reduce the amount of armed robberies taking place on their property.

Proposed New Downtown Fargo Parking Ramp Offers More Style Than Space

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For the lucky few that find a parking space, they will be impressed by the Rococo design.

For the lucky few that find a parking space, they will be highly impressed by the Rococo-designed ceiling.

Fargo, ND – Downtown Fargo will soon be getting some much needed extra parking spaces thanks to a proposed new one-level parking ramp.

But instead of focusing on maximizing space for parking, developers have decided to maximize its architectural flair.

“By sacrificing some parking spots, we will be able to deliver to Downtown Fargo some much needed Rococo architectural attractiveness,” says Mel Anoma, who heads up Fargo’s Parking Authority.

The proposed new single-level parking ramp will cost about forty million dollars while the price tag for the impressive one hundred foot Roman-Rococo ceiling is expected to be about eighty million dollars.

Mr. Anoma adds: “As a special treat, we’re planning on having valet parking by trained illegal alien parkers, in order to really pack the cars into the actual parking area, which should hold about sixty cars when parked bumper to bumper.”