Tag Archives: global warming

Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome

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This will be how Glyndon, MN will soon look if Jesper Søndergaard has anything to say about it.

Glyndon, MN – The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world.

This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who has real experience with this type of concept as he has actually done it in the South Swedish highlands (Sydsvenska höglandet) of his home country of Sweden.

Jesper såger: “Yah, I think after Glyndon gets used to being covered by a dome like we did over in Sweden there, people hier will really start to see the benefits of it. Climate change will basically be totally negated, not to mention no more blizzards, even tho I just did.”

In Swedish, the word for a dome is en kupol. To cover something is omslag, and stad is obviously their word for town. So, putting it all together now: Jesper Søndergaard would like to omslag the stad of Glyndon with en kupol!

There will be an informational townhall meeting on this impotent subject where citizens of the quaint town of Glyndon can learn more and ask questions.

Mr. Søndergaard wants folks to know that “Det finns något sådant som en kupol fråga”, which roughly translates into: “There’s no such thing as a dome question!”

Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?

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World leaders and scientists get together for climate change summits all the time. They discuss the ongoing threat of global warming and what to do about it. Tireless research findings and factual statistics are batted around like they’re the shuttlecock in a World Badminton Tournament. But every year, they enact a different narrative.

This year, another embarrassing u-turn for climate “scientists”. First they said 2015 was the hottest year on record. Now they’re saying it’s 2016! These researcher knuckleheads really need to get their facts straight on global warming. Are the polar ice caps melting or not, or what? Is Al Gore on to something or is he on something?

Did we lose a half foot of precious Florida beach sand in the last decade? If we did, bummer! Plenty of sand still there. Last I heard, none of the beaches along our coasts have closed due to lack of sand space nor do they plan to. In fact, the warmer it gets, the more fun the beach is! That’s what Big Climate doesn’t want you to realize. They want you to completely disregard the benefits of record-breaking hot temps and rising tides.

To expect us to listen to their political posturing and misinformation during this wave of sub-zero temperatures is rather insulting. Al Gore should wait with his next Inconvenient Truther documentary until winter starts being just a tad more comfortable. Until my dog can stand in the backyard for longer than 2 minutes in December without getting frostbite. Until China stops devaluing its currency. Game of Thrones fans know: Winter is coming. And it always will.

Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend

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It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

International Falls, MN – After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes.

Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed that near-term Global Cooling is strong evidence that long-term Global Warming is “getting worser”.

Luckily, Algore’s carbon footprint tax plan is starting to be implemented which could not only save Planet Earth just in time but also win Algore at least one Nobel Peace Prize.

Climatological Mediators will also be doing some large-group counselling sessions with the Global Warming group and the Global Cooling group to see if a nice moderate temperature can be agreed upon by mixing the two.

The FM Observer is proud to have facilitated discussions about this important subject going back to the onset of the common bathroom blow dryer which was later shown to cause the melting of the polar stocking caps just as we had foreseen it in our laboratories.

Here are just a few of the articles the FM Observer has done about this timely subject:
Warmer Winters Maby Not All Bad
Springtime Global Warming Surprises Everyone
Robins Concur With Global Warming
Algore’s Warming Volcanic Activity
Brazil’s Sick Sugarloaf
How To Combat Global Cooling With Bonfires
Warming Causing Rising Oceans
Global Drying
The VooDoo Solution
What To Do With Climate Change Deniers
Go Green With Green Shoes

All Climate Change Deniers To Be ‘Rounded Up’ And Sent To Work Camps

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Welcome to Carbon Footprint Global Warming Work Camp

Welcome to Global Warming Work Camp!

Marfa, TX – Ever since the threat of carbon emissions was deemed to be the #1 threat to our country’s safety, Big Government is wasting no time in dealing with deniers of Climate Change.

All who have publicly (or privately) denied Global Warming, or Climate Change in general, will be forcibly gathered by the U.S. Marshals Service and transported (free-of-charge) to one of many Federal detention facilities which have been thoughtfully set up in extremely remote parts of the country, such as Marfa, Texas.

At these “Denier Workcamps”, guests will be invited to self-tutorialize themselves on Climate Change facts and figures, perform various experiments on fracking and carbon dioxide pollution, make posters for upcoming Climate Change protests, and maby even help Algore collect unpaid carbon footprint taxes.

If you have ever overtly expressed doubt about Global Warming or Climate Change, expect a firm knock on your door by fully-armed U.S. Marshals sooner rather than later.

First Fargo Robin Sighting A Sign Of Spring And Global Warming

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I know it's a little early but it sure feels like Spring!

I know it’s a little early but it sure feels like Spring!

Fargo, ND – Multiple reports of a robin sighting in the trees around the West Acres Mall indicate that Spring is just around the corner.

Sheila McCox who had just entered the mall’s parking lot said: “I was so surprised and happy to see my first robin that my car drove itself into a light post!”

While many welcome an early sign of Spring, others grow increasingly concerned that late January is way too early for robins to be returning to Fargo.

Chief climatologist Thiv Simpskins says: “This is further confirmation of Global Warming. It may be time to seriously start looking for another planet.”

In the meantime, Fargo residents can begin to look for more signs of Spring: 1. The returning of the Redhawks, 2. Potholes, 3. The beginning of road construction season, 4. Minor flooding (if we’re lucky), and 5. Mosquitos carrying the Zika Virus.

Fargo’s New Party Barge To Run On Red River Yearound Thanks To Global Warming

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Fargo’s Red River Party Barge

Fargo, ND – Thanks to Algore for first inventing the Internet, and then Global Warming, Fargo’s new Party Barge will be providing tours of the Red River throughout the entire year.

The Party Barge is an actual decommissioned Navy tugboat recently taken out of service during the overall downsizing of our military.

Depending on the season, Party Barge tours up and down the Red River will serve hot cocoa, wine, beer, or shots of tequila.

While riding on the Party Barge, passengers will be able to get a first-hand view of our local nature, wildlife, and homeless population who live under the bridges.

The covered docking area which will be maintained by a group called Pier Group Pressure will sell homemade scones, donut holes, and lefse.

Pier Group Pressure chairwoman Flavia Gracestone says she envisions the Party Barge docking area to be a wonderful new community resource rentable by various support groups, cults, gangs, churches, and political parties.

Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota

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Icebergs continually washing up on beaches making surfing a real challenge.

Icebergs continually washing up on beaches making surfing a real challenge.

Cape Cod, MA – As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected.

Dr. Alice Melton, who is the top scientist with Make Earth Less Troubled (MELT) says: “We are seeing the oceans rise a foot per year which is twelve times faster than we predicted a month ago.”

Dr. Melton believes that at this current rate of rise, all of the states on the East and West coasts of the United States will be at least three feet under water by this time next year.

All these people are moving to North Dakota!

All these people are moving to North Dakota!

“Not only are all the polar bears swimming around with no place to sleep, but millions of coastal Americans will be floating in salt water if they don’t quickly up and move to North Dakota,” she panics.

The North Dakota Director of Tourism, Archie Doorbell, responded this way: “Well ya, sure, you betcha! Don’t cha know we gots lots of land up here in these parts! But a million people? I’m thinkin’ that sounds like an awful lot? We’ll just have to see about that, then, there!”

New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints

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New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

Greenspring, PA – The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person’s carbon footprints.

Here are some important facts you need to know about Algore’s New Green Shoes:

  • Scientifically designed by Algore to reduce carbon footprints
  • Guaranteed to save Planet Earth from Global Warming
  • Wearing these shoes will show you care about important issues
  • Styled for both men, women, and transexuals
  • One size fits all
  • All shoes are either made in America or China
  • No persons with Ebola have touched these shoes
  • Price per pair is $200 for Democratics and Independents
  • Price per pair is $350 for rich Republicans
  • Mandatory purchase date is January 1, 2017
  • Sign up for your pair at Healthcare.Gov to avoid stiff penalties

Alarmists Say Rising Spring Temps Evidence Of Global Warming

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Temperatures are on the rise due to Spring global warming.

Temperatures are on the rise due to Spring global warming.

Globe Village, MA – Global Warmers are pointing to rising temperatures in the northern hemisphere as proof positive of deadly Global Warming.

What about the southern hemisphere?

Dr. Julian Zellus of the Global Warming Alarm Centre (GWAC) answers: “No, we are only talking about above the equator, for now. And what we are seeing is a rapid increase in average temperatures. We believe this is quite indicative of a very serious Global Warming problem caused by a build-up of toxic carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.”

Unverified statistics coming out of GWAC show there can be no denying that temperatures are on the rise. Numbers strongly indicate that after a record cold winter, the average temperatures across the country are shooting up an astounding 20-30 degrees in just one month. Dr. Zellus nervously suspects: “As the snow melts due to sudden rising temperatures, water levels will begin to rise in lakes and oceans, just as we’ve been predicting.”

What can be done to stop the pending total destruction of the world?

The Global Warming Alarm Centre is pushing for the creation of a hefty new world-wide Global Warming tax. All proceeds from this tax would go directly to GWAC to study this critical problem. But first, they would have to build their posh new Super Center Alarm Megaplex (or SCAM) which will have its own private airport: The Albert Gore Jr. International Global Warming Airport.

VooDoo Sun Doctor To Fix Global Warming

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SUNBALLERpx1Alice Springs, Australia – A young VooDoo priest who calls himself Legba (pronounced Leg-Ba) claims he can actually help Planet Earth with its global warming “fever”.

Mr. Legba has apparently done some incredible things involving the sun in his native northern Australian backwoods area.

His fellow tribesmen, from the aborigine group known as Walwallie, claim this VooDoo superstar was born with some very special powers to affect and control the sun’s energy and temperament.

Legend has it, that on the day Legba was born, there was both a total solar eclipse and a region-wide power outage which affected most of Australia.

This gifted aboriginal Australian VooDoo medicine man has now caught the attention of the US-led global warming alarmists. There is talk that Legba will soon become the first-ever U.S. VooDoo Czar.

He and his support staff will possibly be working with a group of Scientologists and a new government agency call the CCC: The Center for Climate Control.

Their funding for this important project will come from a new global warming tax, along with the proceeds from an upcoming movie called “Can Legba Save Planet Earth?”, in which Legba will play himself.

Speaking through a translator, Legba, whose native language is Andakerebina, would like everyone to know that 1. “VooDoo works”, and 2. “Now is the time to act and the time to act is now.”

Legba, and his lovely wife Ayezan, will temporarily be staying in a comfortable two-room hut in the White House Rose Garden, until more permanent hutting can be provided for them.