Tag Archives: marriage

Weekly Listing Of Divorces In Cass County

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There are just as many reasons to get divorced as there are divorces.

Fargo, ND – It’s time once again to list the divorces going down in Cass County.

All of the following couples are uncoupling.

They have decided to part ways and go in different directions.

After some matrimonial restructuring, these former life partners will be relieved of their marital duties as they drop the terms “husband” and “wife” from their spousal relationships.

Here is this week’s listing of marriages that are being relocated to Splitsville:

Lori Aveline vs. Butch Barfneck
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She didn’t take my last name.

Dorine Blavnok vs. Valim Blavnok
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is Scientology a cult or religion?

Marta Blinkfire vs. Kolt Blinkfire
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Brussel Sprouts!

Jezza Borgwheezel vs. Olaph Borgwheezel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Definition of “clean”.

Camelia Brandagamba vs. Vernius Brandagamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Impossible Impeachment Impasse.

Matilda Brockhouse vs. Cosimo Brockhouse
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse laughs too loudly.

Pamphila Brownlock vs. Jago Brownlock
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband spends too much time in the basement.

Trixa Chertofski vs. Kinck Chertofski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Weed gummy bears.

Robin Chubb vs. Xander Chubb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse won’t come out of the closet.

Zelda Chunkfest vs. Lester Chunkfest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Sense of humor differences.

Gringa Clayhanger vs. Niles Clayhanger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The juggling of our finances.

Starla DePhilpott vs. Gifford DePhilpott
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who wears the pants in our family?

Camelia Diggle vs. Uffo Diggle
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Smartphone distraction.

Zoelle Ergerjoint vs. Knute Ergerjoint
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Poor grammar (past participles)

Herkna Fimvest vs. Dorknel Fimvest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Control of the remote controls.

Bertha Flokmesker vs. Angstoid Flokmesker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is the FMObserver real fake news?

Gerda Galbassi vs. Bucca Galbassi
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Global Warming vs Climate Change.

Lalia Gawkroger vs. Sancho Gawkroger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband is losing his marbles!

Ingo Goldworthy vs. Bungo Goldworthy
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Quid pro snow.

Melila Headstrong vs. Eliot Headstrong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Over-usage of our credit cards.

Lusha Inkshed vs. Joltan Inkshed
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Einstein’s theory of relatives.

Zhway Jongburg vs. Nyork Jongburg
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different definition of decency.

Milava Konvalb vs. Bilavo Konvalb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The 5th Amendment.

Suzetta Lightfoot vs. Fulvus Lightfoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Multi-level furniture.

Thora McMolten vs. Judd McMolten
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Prayer breakfasts.

Moxie Nogbanks vs. Buster Nogbanks
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Turning our living room into a pistol range.

Psalm Olgschmacher vs. Wellington Olgschmacher
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Honda vs Hyundai.

Rhoda Puddifoot vs. Segol Puddifoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Selection of pizza toppings.

Astoria Quivelski vs. Cyprus Quivelski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She is possessed by the devil!

Dayja Rafferty vs. Conrad Rafferty
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Walls dividing every room.

Golden Rumble vs. Holman Rumble
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Number of condiments in the fridge.

Malva Sandyman vs. Filberto Sandyman
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse is colluding with the Russians.

Pandora Smallburrow vs. Togo Smallburrow
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Peanuts envy.

Cameo Stafko vs. Francois Stafko
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Usage of South Park for home schooling.

Juna Tafanofleroid vs. Zix Tafanofleroid
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Excessive flatulence.

Delvina Trumpiano vs. Rectan Trumpiano
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different levels of hoarding.

Mariposa Twofoot vs. Milo Twofoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Difference between work and play.

Jessalyn Ugersmacker vs. Jax Ugersmacker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: NFL Pickem choices.

Julla VanDruBoaix vs. Betan VanDruBoaix
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who should walk the dog?

Elna Vanpiper vs. Wermbang Vanpiper
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Abuse of flower.

Merni Vlemeyer vs. Carvon Vlemeyer
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Severe halitosis.

Damarni Whempest vs. Jork Whempest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Whether “memoji” is a valid scrabble word?

Bing Loo Xing vs. Bong Lee Xong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Too much/too little makeup.

Jilian Yelpstern vs. Tonk Yelpstern
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Stacking beer cans.

Onesta Zaragamba vs. Haiduc Zaragamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Lack of respect for in-laws.

Anima Zorvdunkel vs. Guavchut Zorvdunkel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Making coffee.

Man Who’s Half Goat To Marry Half-Goat Woman: Said To Make A Great Couple!

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Half-goat couple planning on raising a few kids on their very own goat farm.

Moorhead, MN – The quirky little American town that invented the Dilly Bar will soon have another first.

Mr. Billy Goat, who is self-described as being half man and half goat will soon join in marital wedlock with Ms. Fauna Capra, who is similarly also half goat.

For their wedding ceremony, both are expected to wear cashmere coats since they are both half cashmere goats.

Once legally joined together as a tribe and add a few kids, they plan on getting the flock out of here and moving to a small goat farm in rural Minnesota where they can nibble on some sweet alfalfa and tasty shrubs.

For income, besides selling their cashmere wool at premium prices, they also plan on marketing their own hircine line of goat milk and goat cheese.

Lucky Local Mormon Groom Successfully Marries Identical Twin Sister Brides

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Plurality is reality.

East Fargo, ND – April means floods and also the official beginning of wedding season!

One of the first weddings of the year turned out to be a real doozy:Β In true Mormon fashion, Lorenzo Snow entered into eternal matrimony with Josetta and Yosetta Pettibone, who are identical twin sisters from Pettibone, ND.

In true Mormon fashion, the multi-marriage was solemnized and sealed by temple covenant. During the bonding ordinance, wedding music was provided by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Polygamy (or polygyny) is arguably legal if practiced under the umbrella of religious freedom of expression.Β A Mormon plural marriage is kosher as long as it is directly authorized by revelation from God through the living prophet.

Lorenzo Snow and his wives will live as Pettibone ruralists while being marriage pluralists and studying to be massage therapists.

What you’re probably thinking is that plurality in its totality has a personality of normality as long as a formality gives it the legality of morality in the commonality of a technicality.

After being bonded by temple covenant, wedding reception dance music was provided by the Seer Stones.

Fargo Couple Plans Outdoor Wedding During Blizzard

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Blizzard Warning may be problematic for Fargo couple’s outdoor wedding.

Fargo, ND – Back on a beautiful day in September, during the initial planning phase of their rather large wedding ceremony, it seemed like such a great idea to have an outdoor wedding on the Thursday right after Christmas.

Even though some weather forecasters are now predicting two feet of snow along with gusts of 50 mph, Alvin Maja and Natali Karthika are still planning on going ahead with their outdoor wedding.

Some in their wedding party (and also many invited guests) are suggesting to the couple that they have a Plan B (which, in this case, could stand for Blizzard).

“Unfortunately, our Plan B is the same as our Plan A, so we are just hoping the weather clears up and is nice for us, to have our wedding outside, and that the musicians can play their instruments OK,” says the wedding couple, with their fingers crossed.

Vanna White And Pat Sajak Getting Divorced After Thirty Five Years

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Nothing lasts forever.

Hollywood, CA – The stars of America’s favorite game show are finally getting divorced.

Pat Sajak and Vanna White have decided to call it quits after thirty five good years of marriage.

The final phrase on the Wheel Of Fortune prior to them announcing their divorce was “irreconcilable differences”.

In their split-up, attorneys say Vanna will get the the cruises and most of the consonants, while Pat will get the cars, all the vowels and the letter “X”.

Vanna White will get to keep all 6,500 of the dresses she’s worn on the show, and hopefully neither will land on “Bankrupt” anytime soon.Β 

FMO Considering Starting Our Own Line Of Wedding Anniversary Cards

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Getting married is a big milestone. Staying married is a major miracle!

West Fargo, ND – As promised, your FM Observer is seriously pondering coming out of the closet with our own line of wedding anniversary cards.

We’ll make our final decision whether or not to do so based on your feedback. If you like our card ideas, we’ll probably launch the venture. If you don’t like our anniversary card ideas, then we’ll launch for sure – probably even with a big launch party!

β™₯Β Your face is still my favorite face, except for my facebook page.

β™₯Β Every time I do our laundry I discover new things about you.

β™₯Β Happy Anniversary, Baby! I love you more than I did a year ago.

β™₯Β I love everything about you, except for the things that really bother me.

β™₯Β Even though you sometimes have a funny way of showing it, I know you still love me.

β™₯Β Here’s 2 another year of being married 2 each other: I 2 you, you 2 me, K I S S I N G :o^

β™₯Β I know it’s been a long tough year, but hopefully it will get a lot easier…for both of us.

β™₯Β I know some things I do really bug you, but please don’t flush me from the toilet of your heart.

β™₯Β Except for buying a dog, marrying you was the smartest thing I have ever done in my entire life!

β™₯Β One year ago today, you made me the happiest person on earth, and I still kind of feel the same way.

β™₯Β God gave you to me to be my love partner. Hopefully you and God feel the same way about me for you.

β™₯Β Since we’ve now been married for another full year, let’s celebrate by getting drunk for one full week!

β™₯Β I’m so lucky to have you to take care of me. Thanks for putting up with me during this last long year. Sorry!

β™₯Β I still remember the way my heart leaped when you got down on your knee and asked me to be your spousemate. Thanks!

β™₯Β This last year has been 365 days long. I’m so glad our marriage has somehow survived each and every day…and night.

β™₯Β I never dreamed that loving you could bring so much love into my loveless heart of hearts until (and since) we got married by love.

β™₯Β Amazingly, after getting to know you better over this last year, you are seriously quite amazing. Jokingly, you are also very amazing.

FMO’s ABCs For Living Happily Ever After

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Being happily married all comes down to following these 26 simple nuggets of wisdom.

West Fargo, ND – With wedding season just around the coroner, your FM Observer is offering free marriage counseling advice to those who seek to soon enter the gates of matrimonial blissful harmony.

FMO’s ABCs For A Happy Marriage!

Always admit you’re wrong even when you’re right.Β Be accountable especially when paying taxes to the IRS.Β Communicate constantly either with words or mental telepathy.Β Don’t try to change your spouse unless it is necessary.Β End all debates with a hug, a glass of wine, and a massage.Β Focus on making your self better than it was yesterday.Β Go for a fun run together in the morning if it’s not blizzarding.Β Have regular meetings with a Life Coach to discuss your goals.Β Invest in your marriage by giving yourselves nice big raises.Β Jot down any ideas that could translate into mega-wealth.Β Keep a list of everything you do together, with dates and comments.Β Learn how to agree to disagree, or vice versa.Β Master the art of small talk before moving on to any big talk.Β Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’, or with profanity.Β Organize everything you own alphabetically into stackable boxes.Β Pray for longevity prior to each and every happy meal.Β Questions don’t always have answers that make sense.Β Recognize accomplishments with a handshake and milkshake.Β Spend money in hundreds while earning it in thousands.Β Touch more, argue less, is a way to decrease stress.Β Understand what is being said and unsaid by your spousemate.Β Visualize your marriage as a flower that needs daily watering.Β Write and hide anonymous little thank you notes to each other.Β X-Ray every box delivered to your home prior to opening.Β Your spousemate is your boss unless you get fired.Β Zoom out if zooming in is causing too many problems.

Local Large-Group Marriage Expected To Go To The Supreme Court

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Challenging the Definition of Marriage

Downer, MN – In the quaint Minnesota village of Downer (formerly known as Xanax), a large-group wedding of nine women and five men is expected to challenge the definitionΒ of marriage.

The recent marriage of fourteen (14) people to each other is unprecedented in the United StatesΒ unless you include Arkansas.

The “Beaverton Group”Β (as they like to be called)Β has chosen a slogan for their upcoming legal battle: Onward Is Our Aim!

If you would like to kindly donate cookies for their upcomingΒ bake sale to raise money in support of the Beaverton Group’s challenge to the definition of marriage, contact any of the nine (9) Beaverton wives for more details.

ND Measure 9 To Ban Happy Marriages

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Measure 9 is right after Measure 8

Fargo, ND – Due to an avalanche of misleading language, hidden agendas and incompetent proofreaders, North Dakota’s midterm elections will now include a ballot measure that would outlaw all happy marriages.

Measure 9 reads:

This constitutional measure would create and enact a new section to Article Q of the North Dakota Constitution stating, β€œThe inalienable right of every human being to have a miserable marriage at any stage of that marriage must be recognized and protected. No happy, joyous, or blissful domestic union may be recognized as a marriage without an appropriate level of misery.”

“Voters need to understand that the wording of Measure 9 is condensed and simplified for voting day efficiency,” claims Measure 9 sponsor Joe Straitt. “We don’t want folks worrying about the legal consequences of the language, that’s our job. Just have faith that we know what’s best for North Dakotans and their personal relationships. Yes on 9!”

An inside source admits, “Measure 9 has been rewritten so many times, no one can really remember what the original purpose of it was. We just keep supporting it because…well, what else are we going to do with all these posters, flyers, mailers, buttons, signs, flags, banners, pens, mugs, t-shirts and key chains? We’re invested here. Maybe not in a better future, but invested all the same.”

Early polling suggests that Measure 9 is gaining support from voters who identify themselves as “Ball-And-Chain Independents”. Stay tuned to The FMO for up-to-the-minute results.

Gay Love Donkeys To Be Married

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Gay Love Donkeys

Gay Love Donkeys

Fargo, ND – A couple of gay Love Donkeys will soon “tie the knot” at the local zoo. It’s believed to be the first known pair of gay Love Donkeys in captivity to be married within the confines of a zoo-type environment.

Rev. Matt Tramoni, the zoo pastor, says he believes we’ll be seeing more and more of this type of thing. “Now that gay marriage amongst zoo animals has been legalized under a new federal law, I believe this could be just the tip of the iceberg”, says Pastor Matt.

The zoo trainer admits that the donkeys, Carlton and Cortez, have been life-mates ever since they moved to this zoo. “Even though they couldn’t make it official up until now”, explains Julie Whitebear, “these two have been a paragon of matrimony in all facets of their beautiful donkeyed relationship.”

Apparently, they’re planning on having a private ceremony in the zoo chapel. However, a public reception is being planned for the Spring. Carlton and Cortez are registered at all the top shops. They particularly like sweet snacks and colorful clothing.