Tag Archives: moorhead

Moorhead Man Modifies Microwave Oven To Quickly Clear Snow From His Driveway

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Daddy, why don’t you just use that microwave oven to get rid of all the snow?

Moorhead, MN – After his daughter suggested the challenge, Wiman Moravec of North Moorhead attempted to tweak an older microwave oven to operate while open, in order to clear all the snow from their driveway.

After making some calculated modifications, Mr. Moravec and his daughter slowly moved the microwave oven around his driveway until all the snow had quickly “vaporized”.

Ironically, all the letters in Wiman Moravec can be microwaved to spell: Microwave Man!

Heroic Pilot Somehow Safely Lands Problematic Plane At The Moorhead International Airport

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After some reported engine trouble, this plane was safely guided to safety by a seasoned skilled pilot.

Moorhead, MN – The day started out just like a normal one for pilot Damario Prothero.

His planned itinerary: Fly straight from Dallas to Toronto and back again, hopefully home in time for supper with his lovely wife, Jacinta.

Unbeknownst to Damario, mechanical trouble of the highest order would suddenly pop up on his instrumentation panel just south of Moorhead, Minnesota.

With only nano-seconds to react, Captain Prothero’s natural instinct for survival took over and he somehow miraculously landed the plane safely with only a few scrapes and bruises to show for it.

Ironically, all of the letters in Damario Prothero can be re-arranged to spell: Moorhead Airport!

Top Ten Reasons Why The City Of Moorhead Secretly Changed Its Voting Locations

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Good luck trying to find where to vote if you live in Moorhead!

Moorhead, MN – Without letting anyone know, Moorhead city leaders decided to change many of their polling locations.

Many Moorheadians are now wondering why their silly little town would change many of its polling locations without notifying its citizenry.

If you’re looking for reasons, here are some good ones that would explain the odd behavior of the City Council Leaders in this quirky small Minisoda village.

Top 10 Reasons Moorhead Changed Where To Vote:

10. Didn’t think college kids are old enough to vote.

9. Got some bad advice from the Secretary of State.

8. Wanted to keep polling locations a secret.

7. Thought a lawsuit would spice things up.

6. Felt like playing a joke on their city.

5. Thought that no one would really care.

4. They totally deny that they did it.

3. Wanted to give voters a challenge.

2. Simply a power trip gone bad.

1. Because they felt like it.

0. It was time for a change.

-1. Just for the fun of it.

-2. Hey, it’s no big deal!

Another Autumn Golfer Nailed By A Distracted Driver-Driven Golf Cart?

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Chalk up another one to distracted drivers! Or was this a hate crime?

Moorhead, MN – During a relatively relaxing autumn round of par-free golf, Mr. Gotlib Haycraft was suddenly hit by a golf cart while trying to hit his tee shot on the par 3 seventh hole at the new Bogie Man Golf Course in Moorhead.

Police are not entirely sure if Mr. Haycraft was accidentally run over due to the normal smartphone distractions, or if he was being specifically targeted because of a political bumper sticker on the back of his Subaru Forester.

When asked if he was OK after the accident, Mr. Gotlib Haycraft said: “No! I’m not OK! And no matter what the reason, this kind of thing just should not happen while I’m out playing a fricking round of golf!”

If it’s determined the cause was distraction, the driver could spend up to a month in jail.

If it is ultimately deemed to be a hate crime, the maximum sentence could be life in prison.

Distractedly, all of the letters in “Gotlib Haycraft” can be trampled to spell: Hit By A Golf Cart!

Contest Winner Eats 81 Tacos In 15 Minutes

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How many hard-shell tacos can you eat in 15 minutes?

Moorhead, MN – What do you do when you’re really hungry?

Well, during Moorhead’s recent Taco Eating Contest, a Moorhead man named Tomas Couch set a new record by consuming 81 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes.

The previous record set last year by Audie Boelz was an astounding 77 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes.

Moorhead originally began their annual Taco Eating Contest back in 1970 when the taco was first discovered in Mexico by a Moorhead tour group.

FMO: So, how did you feel after you ate 81 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes?

Tomas Couch: I probably would’ve felt better if they would’ve been soft-shell tacos!

Ironically, all the letters in Tomas Couch can be re-arranged in 15 minutes to spell: Mucho Tacos!

Kitchen Remodeling Company Creating Questionably Satisfied Customers

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Done is better than perfect!

Moorhead, MN – OK Remodeling Company has proudly been trying to remodel kitchens in the area for years.

They maybe sometimes miss the mark but at least they try hard and work till the job is supposedly done.

What do clients say about OK Remodeling Company?

Yemane Ambessa: “When we saw what they did to our kitchen, my wife and I were utterly stunned, and then we both started crying.”

Jago Brownlock: “I would like to track down the person who recommended this company to us.”

If you have need for a remodeling company to give your kitchen a new look, call OK Remodeling Company at 666-6666 any time after midnight.

Dolphins Being Introduced To Fargo-Moorhead Area Hotel Swimming Pools

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Jump in and swim with us!

Fargo, ND – Most of the hotels in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area will soon be adding a pair of breeding dolphins to their swimming pools.

The idea came about when Mr. Hodell Shipton, who works as a concierge at the Bed Bug Inn, went on his winter vacation.

“After swimming with dolphins down in Florida, I brought the idea back to our hotel where I work,” said Mr. Shipton.

After a few managerial meetings to discuss the idea, we decided to do it “just for the halibut!”

Now, all hotels in the FM area that currently have swimming pools, will be following suit with the Bed Bug Inn.

Ironically, all the letters in Hodell Shipton can be re-arranged to spell: Hotel Dolphins!

Moorhead Woman Builds House All By Herself

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I am truly proud of what I’ve accomplished with my own two hands.

Moorhead, MN – Evette Brickhouse set a lofty goal of building her own home.

While sipping on a few jumbo margaritas with a friend three years ago, Ms. Brickhouse decided she wanted to build herself her own dream home “with no help from nobody!”

Using the internet, Evette learned how to make bricks in her own old kiln using clay from her yard.

She cleverly found and used scrap wood from neighborhood boulevards during Clean Out Week.

After three long labor-intensive years of doing “just one task after another”, Ms. Brickhouse was proudly able to finally reveal her new dream home to some dumbfounded friends and doubting distant relatives.

Evette in her own words: “I am a big believer in setting goals. Without goals, a hockey team would never win a game. Well, I just fucking won the game of life. And to all my naysayers, you can just bite me!”

Moorhead Man Who Claims To Be The Real Santa Detained For Questioning

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There is a real Santa, and he’s being detained for questioning in Moorhead until after Christmas.

Moorhead, MN – Authorities in the quirky town of Moorhead have detained a man claiming to be the real Santa.

Investigators have a plan to hold the Santa Man until after Christmas to prove that either he is an impostor, or that he is indeed the real Santa, in which case millions of children throughout the world will not receive any presents for Christmas.

In the meantime, the Santa Man has requested some eggnog and cookies to help keep his spirits up, and some hay and salt blocks for his team of nine reindeer.

If you and your children would like to come and visit the Santa Man in jail to request presents for Christmas and possibly pet Rudolph and his friends in a temporary petting zoo, simply contact the Moorhead authorities who are detaining the real Santa and who are possibly going to ruin Christmas for everyone on Santa’s Nice List. 

It’s No Longer OK To Say OK

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OK is no longer politically correct.

Kinderhook, NY – Saying OK is no longer considered to be politically correct according to the PC Police.

Because “OK” was made popular back when Martin Van Buren was running for president under the nickname Old Kinderhook, “OK” has now been deemed to invoke negative historic cultural domination by white males.

The recent outbreak of signs at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN was an example of hate because the phrase It’s OK To Be White included “OK” which is a tip of the hat to white male power thanks to President Martin Van Buren, or Old Kinderhook.

PC Police suggest using “fine”, “all right”, or “kosher” in place of OK.

If the signs put up on the Concordia College campus had read: “It’s fine to be white”, or “It’s all right to be white”, or “Being white is kosher”, then those would have been OK.