Tag Archives: president trump

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

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Mt. Agung: nice ash!

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member.

“I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung. That volcano is really, really smart, it’s got amazing ideas, you’ve never heard ideas like these…the best…and it’s going to be a great thing for our country, America, which is a great country, but it could be better, but now it will be better, like way way better,” Trump exclaimed earlier today.

Asked what he was thinking by naming a volcano as a top advisor, President Trump said, “Mt. Agung is yuge and strong, like really strong, and really yuge. Plus it’s a volcano, which is amazing…it’s got the best eruptions in the world, the hottest lava, its ash is the best ash I’ve ever seen…everyone is going to love it, and I mean love it bigly.”

White House staffers had no comment, but insiders tell the FM Observer that they are “drinking heavily” and “mostly just praying”.

Superman Trump Single-Handedly Saves Puerto Rico By Tossing Out Paper Towels

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President Trump tossing out rolls of paper towels with amazing accuracy just like basketballs.

Puerto Rico – Somewhere out on a small piece of land surrounded by big ocean water, President Trump supermanishly saved the ailing island of Puerto Rico by tossing out cylindrical rolls of much needed paper towels almost as if they were round basketballs being swished through the hoop of a Michael Jordan free throw.

Everyone present agreed that President Trump’s expertise with which he threw out the paper towels was amazing, indicating that he must have practiced it back in the Oval Office prior to leaving for the hurricane-ravaged U.S. territory.

One elderly Puerto Rican lady who got hit in the head with a roll of presidential paper towels just laughed it off and said she was just glad it wasn’t a heavy jug of much needed fresh drinking water which her family hasn’t had for a fortnight. She also joked in Spanish saying that instead of Trump Tower, she now has a Trump Towel!

Todd Rundgren Opens Moorhead Concert With A Prayer For President Trump

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Trump-lover Todd Rundgren leads the audience in prayer for President Donald Trump prior to his concert.

Moorhead, MN – Many who attended the Yes/Todd Rundgren concert were pleasantly delighted when Mr. Rundgren opened the concert with a nice long Hawaiian prayer for President Donald Trump.

Unfortunately, they were not pleasantly surprised when YES did not show up due to some serious family problems.

Luckily, Todd Rundgren was then able to dedicate his entire headlining concert to invoking spiritual help for President Trump and his entire administration whom Mr. Rundgren greatly admires.

In fact, the Toddster announced that all of the proceeds from the concert will go to help fund President Trump’s re-election campaign and also to build the tall wall to keep Americans from escaping to Mexico in an effort to avoid paying back taxes.

After the concert concluded, Todd Rundgren got a personal phone call from President Trump who said: “I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day!”

President Trump To Vacation In Fargo

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President Trump loves Fargo!

Washington, DC – President Trump has announced that he and his first family will be vacationing in Fargo, North Dakota sometime in the near future, but is giving few details about the presidential trip.

The President has also indicated that his vacations will shift from a time-based approach to one based on conditions, such as: 1. Are we having a good time, or 2. Is Fargo now a functional democracy?

Unlike previous presidents, President Trump is not giving out any arrival date or hasty departure date in order to keep everyone on their toes, or high heels in Melania’s case.

“I will not say when we are going to vacation in Fargo, but vacation in Fargo we will,” Trump said.

Also, President Trump is acting more like a CEO than a president by authorizing his team members to make decisions on their own, such as: 1. Where shall we eat, or 2. How about if we go see a movie at the Fargo Theater?

Protestants are expected to show up when President Trump attends a church service at a local Protestant church.

Elderly Man Dies Peacefully At Home After Family Tells Him Trump Was Impeached

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Impeach is the new favorite ice cream flavor in many blue states.

West Fargo, ND – Surrounded by family, close friends, and a few random strangers, Mr. Patrum McPhie let himself go toward the light after hearing the news that President Trump had just been impeached.

Dr. Mutch Pimpare who was acting as spokesperson for the motley group, said they believed it was the best thing to offer up the fake news to the family’s dying patriarch that President Trump had just been impeached so that Mr. McPhie could just relax and go in peace.

Ironically, both Mutch Pimpare and Patrum McPhie can somehow be magically re-arranged to spell: Impeach Trump!

Trump To Use LGBTQ To Make America Great Again

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LGBTQ helping to make America great again!

Lazear, CO – In an effort to keep his promise to make American great again, President Trump will be using the LGBTQ for military weapons testing.

As we all know, L.G.B.T.Q. stands for Laser Guided Bomb Testing Quadrants.

These are special areas set aside by the federal government for testing the latest new secret laser-guided bomb technologies which can be used to shoot anything from anywhere with perfect pinpoint accuracy.

Working in conjuction with the U.S. Military on this impotent project are the two leading companies in the laser technology field: The Raytheon Company and The Gaytheon Company.

President Trump tweeted: “I’d like to thank all the members of the LGBTQ community for developing these new laser guided bomb technologies and testing them in these designated testing quadrants some of which will be strategically located near the home districts of some of my Democrat friends in Congress.”