Author Archives: Johnnny

About Johnnny

Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)

Wear Pink To Show Support For The NFL

1 Reply
Think Pink

Think Pink

Pink, Oklahoma – In case you didn’t receive the memo, all football fanatics are supposed to wear something pink every day to show their support for the NFL.

If you don’t have anything pink to wear, then just wash something white with something red.

Pink is the color of compassion, understanding, unconditional love, and the giving and receiving of nurturing.

These are some of the positive values with which the NFL is quickly trying to associate itself.

Coach Lovie Smith is a good example of someone who cares about people rather than just trying to win at any cost.

Lovie says: “Pink is intuitive and insightful, showing tenderness and kindness with empathy and sensitivity.”

Even tho the NFL can seem rather violent at times, it wants to highlight its other more caring side, which may often go overlooked. Many recent rule changes are trying to do more to protect players as well as their spouses or significant others from bodily harm.

Lovie says: “In color psychology, pink is a sign of hope. It is a positive color inspiring warm and comforting feelings, a sense that everything will be okay.”

The NFL hopes that its Think Pink Program will help improve its image throughout the land and get the focus back onto what is really important: Winning a Super Bowl and raking in all its associated advertisement revenue!

New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints

Leave a reply
New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

Greenspring, PA – The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person’s carbon footprints.

Here are some important facts you need to know about Algore’s New Green Shoes:

  • Scientifically designed by Algore to reduce carbon footprints
  • Guaranteed to save Planet Earth from Global Warming
  • Wearing these shoes will show you care about important issues
  • Styled for both men, women, and transexuals
  • One size fits all
  • All shoes are either made in America or China
  • No persons with Ebola have touched these shoes
  • Price per pair is $200 for Democratics and Independents
  • Price per pair is $350 for rich Republicans
  • Mandatory purchase date is January 1, 2017
  • Sign up for your pair at Healthcare.Gov to avoid stiff penalties

Ghost Convention To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

Leave a reply
caption here

Ghost convention coming to Fargo!

Fargo, ND – Living organizers of the International Ghost Convention have just announced that the next International Ghost Convention will be held in Fargo, North Dakota on Monday night, October 31st, or as most spiritual beings call it: Halloween.

Because of the large number of ghastly ghosts expected to attend, the Fargodome has been selected to be the haunted hang-out to house all these haughty hobgoblins.

Casper the friendly ghost, along with his uncles, the Ghostly Trio, have been asked to emcee this eerie event.

This annual convening of ghosts will officially begin at eight o’clock (post meridiem) and will gho until just before sunrise on Saturday morning, November 1st, when all the attendees will be heading back to their spirit world.

Fargodome staffers will need time on Saturday morning to clean up and set up for the NDSU football game in which the Bizon will be hosting the feral jackrabbits from South Dakota State University.

Update: Any brave trick-or-treaters are invited to come and join the fun. This would be a great chance to see the ghost version of the Fargo Airshow!

Meditation Tents One Way To Combat Stress From Mosquitos

Leave a reply
caption here

Using the power of the pyramid to fight off the nasty needle-nosers.

West Fargo, ND – Have you been wanting to meditate in your back yard but just could not because a thousand mosquitoes wanted to suck your blood?

The FM Observer feels your pain and offers a simple answer to your problem: The Jungle Meditation Tent!

This is something you can buy, build, or borrow. However you procure it, it will cure your problem.

Hundreds of backyard meditators in the West Fargo area who’ve gotten fed up with the mosquito feeding frenzies they’ve recently witnessed are now safely and calmly chanting their mantras mosquito-free thanks to their Jungle Meditation Tents.

For additional help to win the fight against those mosquito terrorists, here is another possible solution you can try.

Mix up the following concoction for a hose-end spray bottle to effectively drive away mosquitoes: 1/3 stale beer (any kind), 1/3 Epsom salt, and 1/3 mouth wash (with alcohol).

Put the mixture in your garden feeder and spray down your lawn, bushes, patios and any areas that look suspicious for those breeding blood suckers.

This solution could smell a little funny at first, but quickly dissipates, leaving your yard mosquito-free and meditation-friendly!

UPDATE: For more good information on this subject, please visit: Best Mosquito Repellent Guide: How to Efficiently Prevent Mosquito Bites

Civilian Trumpet Militia Groups Now Forming In Your Area

Leave a reply
Do you have a horn? Would you like to blow your horn?

Do you have a horn? Would you like to blow your horn?

Anytown, USA – An exciting new grass-roots organization is now starting new chapters in your area. The Civilian Trumpet Militia is being formed in all 57 states of the USA.

If you have ever played a trumpet which might be idly resting in your basement, this is a great opportunity to get involved in something that could change the course of history and blow people’s minds.

The Trumpet Militia could be called upon at any time to: defend the country, protect our borders, quell a prison riot, or even march in a parade.

Here are some motivational quotes from our Founding Fathers who felt strongly about this subject:

Patrick Henry: “The people have a right to keep and blow trumpets. Everyone who is able might join a trumpet militia.”

Thomas Jefferson: “No free person shall ever be debarred the use of a trumpet. A strong body makes the mind strong. While a trumpet gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind.”

Richard Henry Lee: “A trumpet militia, when properly formed, is in fact the people themselves and includes anyone capable of blowing a trumpet.”

James Madison: “A well regulated trumpet militia, composed of the people, trained to blow, is the best and most natural defense of a free country.”

Bags Of Money Hidden All Over The FM Area

Leave a reply
caption here

Look for bags of money secretly hidden throughout the Fargo/Moorhead/West Fargo area!

Fargo, ND – Have you ever dreamt of finding a bag full of money? Could you and your family use some extra cash before the holiday season rolls around? Do you like searching for hidden treasures?

An unnamed benefactor who wishes to remain anonymous (but who loves the movie Fargo) wants to hide bags of cash all around the Fargo area for some lucky beneficiaries to find.

The amounts of cash in each bag will vary, but none of them could be considered to be a small sum of money. Apparently each person who finds a bag o’ cash will be “quite surprised” to see what they’ve found.

The IRS would like to remind each winner that local, state, and federal taxes will need to be paid on these amounts just as large casino winnings are subject to taxes.

Good luck to all and hopefully you (or someone who’s in a sharing mood with you) finds one of these cleverly hidden bags of large denomination federal reserve notes.

Fargo Leaders Considering Allowing Chicken Fighting

Leave a reply
Chicken fighting is more popular that soccer.

Chicken fighting is more popular than soccer.

Fargo, ND – City Commissioners will soon be deciding whether or not to allow chicken fighting within city limits.

A number of residents have been pushing for the legalization of chicken fighting. They contend that world-wide, chicken fighting as a sport, is more popular than soccer.

With a growing number of people now living in Fargo who are from foreign countries where chicken fighting is as common as eggs and bacon, Fargo leaders will try to clarify existing laws as they relate to this exciting sport.

Proponents believe that chicken fighting would be a great addition to other city sports such as the Fargo Farce hockey team, the FM Roller Derby squad, and the FM Redhawks baseballers.

Residents against city-sanctioned chicken fighting argue that it is just cock-fighting with another name. They believe that dog fighting and mud wrestling would soon follow through incrementalism.

If you would like to see the Fargo City Commissioners vote YES for chicken fighting, please feel free to attend upcoming meetings, step up to the microphone and express your thoughts and opinions on this impotent matter.

Many Fargo Homes Choosing To Go “Off The Grid”

Leave a reply
caption here

How safe is our national power grid?

Fargo, ND – Have you been considering becoming independent from the local power grid and avoiding those monthly bills? Did a large branch just fall in your backyard and wipe out your power lines and you’re wondering what to do? Would you like to be able to survive a national power grid crisis while others sit in the dark?

Well, you’re not alone. Many of your neighbors are taking some easy steps to enjoy life “off the grid”:

Go with 2×6 wall studs, good insulation and 4×8 plywood panels. Slope all plumbing back towards a drain or cistern.

Get yourself a couple of 170 watt solar panels on top, the right batteries in protected storage underneath, a good charge controller, a 2kw inverter, lots of fluorescents and LEDs, a ceiling fan, 12V water pump from a cistern, propane hot water and stove, an in-wall fanless propane heater with a thermostat for those nights when you don’t want to stoke the airtight wood stove, and a 30 gallon propane tank. Be able to turn everything on with a couple of switches.

Your “off the grid” system will act just like a house on the grid, including toaster, microwave, coffee maker, vacuum cleaner and all (used judiciously to conserve power).

Fargo College Game Day Crowd Swells To A Million

1 Reply
Unexpected large crowd surprises everyone

Unexpected large crowd surprises everyone

Fargo, ND – ESPN’s College Game Day program was expected to attract a large crowd but nobody knew exactly how large it would be.

One policeman said: “I think everyone from the state of North Dakota is here! And they each must have brought a few friends. This is quite crazy!”

One loyal fan in the crowd who camped out overnight admitted: “This downtown football party is overshadowing the actual football game in the Fargodome.”

The NDSU “Bisons” are favored to stampede the Incarnate Word Cardinals by 72 points.

Early Fargo Business Man Attacked By Giant Blue Mountain Swallowtail Butterfly

Leave a reply
caption here

Downtown Fargo, September 12, 1924

Fargo, ND – On this date 90 years ago, a Fargo businessman was attacked by a very large butterfly while crossing a street in the downtown area.

The man’s name was Mr. Simon Cummings who owned and operated Cummings Shoe Store.

Witnesses said that while Simon was negotiating some lunch-time puddles from a September rain storm, a giant blue butterfly seemed to attack Mr. Cummings out of nowhere and for no apparent reason.

One of the on-lookers that day was hotel owner Betsy Donaldson, who was quoted as saying: “If I wouldn’t have seen it, I would not have believed it. This will really make me rethink butterflies.”

The butterfly was later determined to be a Blue Mountain Swallowtail butterfly whose scientific name is Papilio Ulysses.

This special type of butterfly is normally found in Australia where they have been known to attack humans for no obvious reason.

NDSU butterfly expert Norman Winger wrote of this incident: “Of course, there is always a reason for things that happen, but we might not ever be able to know what was going through the mind of a giant teal-toned butterfly, in downtown Fargo, on a rainy day in September, in the year 1924.”