Fargo, ND – Via a confidentially anonymous series of trusted fake news sources, the Observer has learned that area police will be staging 420 “420 checkpoints” around the region today.
Four hundred and twenty strategically-placed traffic interventions will take place on four hundred and twenty throughways and byways–perhaps even a few highways–during and shortly after 4:20PM today, April 20th, or 4/20 as it is more affectionately known.
Four hundred twenty law officers will be seeking out suspicious activity, especially that which contains a certain numerical value. Fargo, Moorhead, West Fargo, County, State, DEA, ATF, Marshall, Guard. You name it, they’ll be there. There will be 420 of them out looking for 420 at 4:20 on 4/20.
Police are gently asking the concerned public: If you see any 420 at 4:20 on 4/20, please dial 911 then get the 411.
Fargo,ND−Area mother Cynthia Lincoln-Baxter finds herself utterly perplexed at the fact that Colorado hasn’t devolved into an absolute wasteland full of crime, poverty and despair since the state’s decriminalization of marijuana last year.
“With pots as dangerous as they are I just don’t understand how cities like Denver haven’t succumbed to all the pots-fueled crime,” hissed Lincoln-Baxter, in between bites of string cheese that she wasn’t even taking apart—just chomping into it like some kind of rage-fueled monster. “Especially if you consider the proven notion that pots leads to heroin addiction. That alone should have killed off half the city’s population by now,” she said.
Lincoln-Baxter also seemed visibly distraught at the media’s lack of pot-related crime coverage. “Why hasn’t Brian Williams been telling us about the pot suicides and driving while high deaths?” she asked, quizzically. “Obama is blocking these reports!! I’ve been reading the Denver Post and not ONE mention of pot suicide or pot driving deaths like I know there has been.”
If you’ve seen any legitimate reports of “pot suicides” or “pot-induced coma” or “pot driving deaths” or “pot riots” or “pots murder” or “bong-related assaults” or “pot-fueled domestic disputes” or “pot on pot crime”, please, let us know in the comment section.