Tag Archives: driver

Anti-Distracted Driver Movement Gaining Steam

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Distracted Driver = No Driver

Hawley, MN – Just imagine you’re completely stopped at a red light and a distracted driver (who later claims he didn’t see you) rear-ends your vehicle at 50 mph without ever even slamming on the brakes.

This is happening more and more to more and more people every day.

The time to end distracted driving is now.

A new anti-distracted driver group calling itself B.A.D.D. (Berate All Distracted Drivers) is encouraging everyone who sees any sort of distracted driver to honk your frickin’ horn long and loud at distracted drivers in order to 1. wake them out of their stupor, 2. scold them for putting anything else as higher priority than driving, and 3. hopefully avoid them ramming into you or the person in front of them, or flattening a child running out onto the street unexpectedly.

A vehicle traveling at 50 mph is moving at 75 feet per second and if a distracted driver happens to be behind the wheel, that vehicle may as well be driven by a blind-folded drunk monkey.

Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29 MPH On I-29

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Travelling 29 mph down the interstate highway, with no worries, not a care in the... What are those flashing red lights?!

Travelling 29 mph down the interstate highway, with no worries, not a care in the… What are those flashing red lights?!

Fargo, ND – State Highway Patrol pulled over an elderly Fargo driver who was travelling at a very low rate of speed on Interstate-29.

Mr. Cornwall Wilbertson had for some reason decided to take the interstate when driving from North Fargo to West Acres to do some early Christmas shopping.

A number of drivers who passed him on the highway noted that if Cornwall was going any slower, he’d be completely stopped in the middle of his south-bound lane.

Mr. Wilbertson was arrested and booked for being a public nuisance and driving almost half of the minimum speed on a major interstate highway.

When asked what he was thinking, Mr. Wilbertson said: “Well, I was thinking about old time Christmases, with the eggnog and the mistletoe, and then we watched The Wizard of Oz on our brand new color television. I remembered how we always played pinochle after our Christmas meal and before opening presents. Member how Uncle Charlie always brought us nuts and oranges from his greenhouse? Member grandma always trying to play piano so we could sing Deck The Halls? Member when we made that snow fort after that big blizzard? Member when Dad drank too much? Member when Steven left a candle burning and burned the house down?“

Drunk Zamboni Driver Ices Ex-Wife’s Property

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Many ways to show your love.

Many ways to show your love.

Fargo, ND – It was probably bound to happen eventually. A drunk Zamboni driver “temporarily borrowed” the big ice machine to give his ex-wife an early Valentine’s Day present.

Mr. Sam Pony has been charged with possession of stolen property, destruction of property, and violation of a restraining order.

The police report indicates that: “After drinking more than his limit of Fargo Beer, Mr. Pony proceeded to drive the Zamboni out of the Fargo South High Hockey Arena and into his ex-wife’s yard where everything including the sidewalks and driveway got a thick coating of ice.”

With temperatures plummeting into the deep-freeze due to Global Cooling, this ice will probably be around at least until Spring.

When asked why he did it, Mr. Sam Pony tried to say: “With Valentine’s Day almost here, I wanted to turn my ex-wife’s yard into one big glazed donut. I thought it looked real nice! I donut see what the big problem is, ya know what I’m saying? You donut have to get all bent out of shape over this, ya know. Hey, it’s just ice, man!”