Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast

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Trying to be calmly proactive, fearful Fargo families fighting fifty foot fast-melting flood.

Fargo, ND – With the forecast calling for quick climate change from global cooling to global warming, many who fought The Big Flood zactly 20 years are starting to squirm any time the words “sand” or “bag” are mentioned.

The Benson Family: “Yah, we probly should’ve built that Red River Diversion by now, doncha know?”

The Sakimov Family: “We have already started filling sandbags out in our garage, like since last month I think, and we already hava-lota-vum.”

The Grinstein Group: “In school, my son herd that a very fast melt caused by rain could suddenly cause a record fifty foot flood right hier in River City, baby!”

The LaQuan Family Corp: “We are seriously looking into procuring a plethora of sandbags from various reliable sources some of which may be online. We steal sand from wherever we can dig it, man.”

The Nillson Gathering: “We just feel real real lucky to have all our favorite Facebook friends to help us out by firstly liking us on Facebook and secondly leaving such helpful and wonderful comments while they’re supposedly vacationing down there in Guatemala which I half suspect is basically just all trumped up.”

Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter

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Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.

West Fargo, ND – We asked all of our FMO team members to brainstorm various ways to stay warm during the dead of winter here near Fargo, North Dakota.

We then slowly simmered the list of a hundred ideas down into this Top Ten List.

Please feel free to add to our list via comments or emails.

☺ Top Ten Ways To Stay Warm During The Winter In Fargo:

10. Only wear clothes that came out of the dryer within the last 10 minutes.
9. Ask to test out a hot tub at each of the various local dealerships.
8. Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.
7. Turn your smallest bathroom into a sauna.
6. Roll up in a blanket and sip coffee.
5. Jumping Jacks in long underwear.
4. Invite your neighbors to huddle.
3. Rent the movie Hot Cocoa.
2. Microwave Hot Pockets.
1. Crank the heat!

Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election

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President-Elect Jill Stein shown here visiting Disneyland after narrowly winning the election.

Steinsville, Pennsylvania – Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein has finally finished doing her own vote recount in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania.

Based on her new final count vote totals, she is declaring that she won the election fair and square, narrowly beating out both Donald’s Trump and Hillary’s Clinton.

Ms. Stein is being congratulated by many in her Green Party who knew she had what it took to win the election.

Some think that a major turning point for her campaign was when she got arrested and charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief during the Dakota Access Pipeline protest out there in western North Dakota.

President-Elect Stein is now expected to quickly name her cabinet members and then get ready for her upcoming inaugaration.

We caught up with Jill to ask her how it felt to have won the election.

Speaking in tongues, Jill Stein’s answer was: “Я очень рад, что выиграл выборы.”

FMO’s BiWeekly Public Service Announcements

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Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here is this biweekly’s rendition of your FM Observer’s mandatory Public Service Announcements, offered freely to you, our beloved readers, under the strict strictures of the PSA Regulatory Council of America, Section VI, Code 9, Clausette B-12, where it clearly states: Thou shalt offer thy beloved readers free Public Service Announcements of your own volition and in accordance with The Regulatory Council of America.

Here are your Public Service Announcements for the week of January 7-18, 2017 (in some particular order):

☺Edna Adams will be hosting a Book Discussion Club in her basement on Tuesdays. The first book Edna would like to discuss is The Bible.

☺Carl Doofkins has a rabbit he would like to find a home for. The Doofster says it makes a good pet or tastes great sauted in a white wine garlic deglaze.

☺Melvin and Marvin Hankster want to sell everything in their basement. They do not believe their black mold problem should negatively affect anything down there.

☺Arlene Sorna would like to thank everyone for helping look for her cat. Unfortunately, Felixia was picked up by a bald eagle and taken to an undisclosed location.

☺Glenn and Marleen Gagsetter will be hosting a family getogether in their garage on Sunday. Please bring a treat to share while remembering that Marleen is gluten-free and Glenn is glutton-free.

☺Jeni Topkins is offering baby-sitting services to help pay for her trip to Colorado.

☺Alvin Damner is looking for a replacement chainsaw blade for his Model 1100 X-Pro after his last one came flying off while Alvin was trying to jimmy-rig his galvanized steel compression pipes.

☺The graduation party for Tim Nugator has been postponed again since it does not look like graduation will be in Tim’s near future.

☺Max Glanders thinks he might have lost his cellphone near The Northern Gentlemen’s Club. Please call Max if you found it. Max’s cellphone number is: 555-555-5555.

☺Doreen Bunglower will not be hosting Bridge Club on Wednesday because she wants to watch the Harry Conick Jr. television show that day since Michael Bolton is the scheduled special guest.

☺In honor of Sid Bumer’s 90th birthday, his family is planning a surprise party for Sid. All guests are asked to dress in crazy costumes and wait quietly in the dining room until Sid wakes up from his afternoon nap.

Fargo Man Becomes Very Attached To His Brick

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My brick is always there for me, it’s real, and makes a great companion.

Fargo, ND – One fine day, Mr. Wade Dumpkins was out for his walk when he came upon a single solitary brick laying on the ground at the edge of an abandoned construction site.

After carefully looking around, Mr. Dumpkins picked up the brick and then decided to carry it home with him.

Mr. Wade Dumpkins has now been taking this brick pretty much everywhere he goes for the last twenty five years.

I love my brick. Isn’t that all that matters?

“It’s become my companion, my best friend, my rock, if you will,” admits Wade, as he lovingly hold his brick in his lap.

“When so much today is not real, like all that fake news on Facebook that caused Hillary to lose it, this orphaned simple brick that I found is something real, dammit, something tangible, someone who is always there for me, do you know what I’m saying?”

Yes, Wade Dumpkins, we do know what you’re saying!

Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

Fargo, ND – Fargo will soon be getting its own soap opera called Fargo Family. It will be based in Fargo, be about Fargo, and all the actors will be from Fargo.

If you or someone you know is an actor or would like to be an actor on a real soap opera, please leave a comment below or email us your resume and also indicate which of the following roles you are interested in:

Fargo Family characters that need to be filled:

1. Kingsley – A treacherous old codger who spent some time in a military prison for acts unbecoming of an officer.
2. Margareet – Kingsley’s wife, the wine-drinking matriarch, who will back stab anyone who turns their back on her.
3. Skooter – Their son who has Attention Deficit Disorder but likes to tinker around with powerful sound equipment.
4. Trix – Their super-popular teen daughter who secretly likes to bully other students on Facebook.
5. Flapper – Their mechanic friend that is also into gambling to the point where it’s causing him some serious problems.
6. Dr. Never – An internal medicine doctor who is also the family’s main supplier of prescription pharmaceutical drugs.
7. The Bopster – Trix’s boyfriend who also wants to start his own modeling agency.
8. Stanley – Margareet’s inventive brother who lives on the wrong side of the tracks.
9. Lulu May – A free-spirited floozy willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.
10. Xang Xou – A table tennis instructor with whom many share deep personal secrets because he doesn’t speak English good.
11. Beatris – Kingsley’s sister who is a pessimistic liberal currently unhappy about pretty much everything.
12. Conrad – Husband of Beatris who wants to help make America great again while making a lucrative profit.

Not only will all the actors be selected from the Fargo area, the general plot ideas, spoken lines of dialogue, accompanying music, theme song, costumes, hairstyles, and makeup will all be done by Fargoans. This will be a community effort and creation of which we all can hopefully be proud.

You are urged to have courageous curiosity on the direction Fargo Family is going. Remember, we are all a part of the Fargo Family!

Click here to read the script!

Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple

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Piercey Asplin admits that he does look a lot like the recently departed Prince.

Moorhead, MN – He looks almost exactly like Prince but his name is Piercey Asplin, who is still living, and does so in the quirky town of Moorhead.

“I get people coming up to me all the time asking me for an autograph and then suddenly wondering if I didn’t recently pass away,” says Moorhead’s Piercey Asplin.

Piercey says he has always loved the color purple and has a number of favorite things to wear that are paisley.

“Even though I supposedly look a lot like Prince, I was actually not that familiar with his music until last year,” admits the Prince look-a-like.

When we asked Mr. Asplin what he writes when people request his autograph, he explains: “I sign my real name, Piercey, but I’ve learned how to make it look like it says Prince.”

Ironically, all of the letters in Piercey Asplin can be rearranged to spell: Paisley Prince.

First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo

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Carson Wentz Fenster was born at 12:01 AM and is said to be resting comfortably while watching Carson Wentz play football on TV.

Fargo, ND – The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo.

The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had “Carson Wentz” tattooed on the boy’s right forearm shortly after he was born.

“We hope he will grow up to be a star quarterback in the NFL just like his namesake,” yearned Erron Fenster wishfully.

“When he gets a little older, perhaps at age one or two, we might consider giving him the option of getting a Bison or Philadelphia Eagles logo tattoo wherever he wants,” shared Martine Fenster excitedly.

But for now, young Carson Wentz Fenster and his proud parents will just sit back in their hospital room and enjoy watching the real Carson Wentz and the Eagles kick the Dallas Cowboy’s butts and also enjoy cheering on the unpredictable Minnesota Vikings as they hopefully shellack the visiting grizzly Chicago Bears.

Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal

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Even tho me be Neanderthal, me no want be called Neanderthal, mmkay?

Cave, Illinois – A recently discovered Neanderthal man from the Cro-Magnon era is suing anyone who has been calling him a Neanderthal man.

In an effort to reduced the number of times he will be called a Neanderthal in the future, Neanderthal man’s attorney states that the lawsuit is against anyone who has called Neanderthal man a Neanderthal since his recent discovery in a cave.

The lawsuit is for $750 million in the form of a class-action lawsuit against any and all who have referred to Neanderthal man as such.

Neanderthal man was recently discovered down in his cave by some teenagers who say they were “not” going there to experiment with drugs.

Neanderthal man is currently employed in Chicago at the famous Museum Of Natural History as a guide in the Cro-Magnon era section.

Neanderthal man look for mate with whom to mate.

Subsequent to coming out of the cave, Neanderthal man came out of the closet and announced that he is a homo sapien who is looking for a mate to mate to make young Neanderthals just like him.

Neanderthal man likes to walk barefoot in the park, play with rocks, hang out in his man cave, and write hieroglyphics on the walls.

If you would like to meet or make contact with Neanderthal man, simply send him a message translated from your language into Neanderthal using Google’s translation site. Please mark your correspondence specifically to: Dear Neanderthal man!

Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun

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Test your navigational skills at the Fargo Ice Maze. It’s amazing!

Fargo, ND – One thing good about Fargo’s cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff.

The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for supporting an outdoor Ice Maze.

Fargo’s new Ice Maze is the amazing brainchild of Vaughn Dirkly who been fascinated with mazes since his childhood.

“Ever since I was just a pup, I’ve been making mazes out of pretty much everything you can imagine,” admits Vaughn, who is now a ripe old 32 years old.

Vaughn goes on: “During the summer months, I’ve made mazes out of wood, dirt, cornstalks, water, cars, and even garbage! But now, this is my very first wintertime ice maze. I hope everyone likes it and enjoys trying to find their way through it.”

Even though going through the Fargo Ice Maze is free, people are being asked to bring a bag of Nacho Doritos as a free-will offering donation for Vaughn and his maze team.