Fargo’s Wood-Chip-Stock Festival Attracting Some Major Attractions

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This is one happening in Fargo you won’t wana miss!

Fargo, ND – Organizers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival could not be more excited about the line-up of bands scheduled to play at this summer’s music fest!

Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick are the co-founders and keepers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival.

Chick-n-Tod have graciously leaked to us the list of bands currently slated to play at this year’s festival.

Main Stage: Suns Of Beaches, High Standards, Purse Puppies, Monkey Bars, The Ben Dover Group, Sunscreen Sixty, Band For Life!

Back Stage: Cosmic Muffin, Germane, Tippy Topps, Random Dogs, Epitaffy, Ipso Frackers, Liquid Smog!

Tickets for Wood-Chip-Stock Festival 2018 are free at any place that sells free tickets, or just hack information about this incredible event off of Cambridge Analytica’s facebook page.

Ironically, both Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick can somehow re-arrange all the letters in their names to spell: Wood-Chip-Stock!

Mummified Monkey Successfully Brought Back To Life

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Experts bring mummified monkey back to life by using miraculous new technique.

Dayton, OH – After discovering a mummified monkey in an old department store’s duct work, a team of mummiologists was called in to see if anything could be done to save the mortalized monkey.

Dr. Odem Kenady, who headed up the team, said this upon being called to save the dead monkey: “We believe we now have the technology to bring mummified monkeys back to life, by slowly adding banana water to their desiccated carcass, thus allowing their body cells to literally come back to life right before our eyes. We need to at least try because: mummified monkeys matter!”

After the monkey was miraculously brought back to life by Dr. Kenady, and then deemed to be in fairly stable condition, the original owner of the miracle monkey was contacted, who said: “For the last 50 years, I’ve been wondering where my little Jo-Jo disappeared to!”

Jo-Jo is now enjoying some banana soup after 50 years of mummification.

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Kenady can be resuscitated to spell: Dead Monkey!

Dolphins Being Introduced To Fargo-Moorhead Area Hotel Swimming Pools

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Jump in and swim with us!

Fargo, ND – Most of the hotels in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area will soon be adding a pair of breeding dolphins to their swimming pools.

The idea came about when Mr. Hodell Shipton, who works as a concierge at the Bed Bug Inn, went on his winter vacation.

“After swimming with dolphins down in Florida, I brought the idea back to our hotel where I work,” said Mr. Shipton.

After a few managerial meetings to discuss the idea, we decided to do it “just for the halibut!”

Now, all hotels in the FM area that currently have swimming pools, will be following suit with the Bed Bug Inn.

Ironically, all the letters in Hodell Shipton can be re-arranged to spell: Hotel Dolphins!

The New Rage Is Having A Purse Puppy

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To be cool, you need a Purse Puppy!

Pursglove, WV – Fashion trenders are strongly pointing to Purse Puppies as the latest in the super hip new thing for 2018.

“If you want to be cutting-edge cool this year, you definitely need a Purse Puppy!” says Manon Gadbois of Trend Magazine.

Fact #1: Everyone agrees that the person walking through the airport with a Purse Puppy is who everyone is looking at.

Fact #2: No one disagrees that the coolest thing in the world is having a Puppy in your Purse.

Warning: 2018 is the year of the Purse Puppy, so you better Puppy Up, or be square with a non-puppied purse.

All North Dakotans Now Required To Take An Annual Mental Examination

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After being mentally evaluated, every North Dakotan will be ranked as either Green, Yellow, or Red

Green=Fine Yellow=OK Red=Bad

Bismarck, ND – With much of the national discussion being focused on mental health, North Dakota will proactively soon begin annually checking the mental health of each and every one of its citizens.

A new task force called MIND (Mentally Interrogating North Dakota) will do a thorough evaluation of all North Dakotans on their half birthdays.

Based on the official results of their mental examination, every person in North Dakota, over the age of nine (9) will be given one of three possible rankings:

Green Light: You are fine. No major mental problems were detected. See you again in one year, on your next half birthday. (For example: If your birthday is on April 15th, your mandatory mental exams will be every October 15th.)

Yellow Light: Some concerns were detected based on your responses to questions selected especially for you. You will need to be put on a MIND Watch List and retested monthly, until you are hopefully upgraded to a Green Light.

Red Light: A likely problematical situation was detected. You will be held for further testing to determine the magnitude of the problem. For your convenience, padded shuttle buses heading to Jamestown will be standing by.

MSUM Drama Student Comes Out As Thespian

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Xinthia Kaswa, thespian, seen here playing the titular lead role for the popular MSUM musical Hannah Silverpot, a confusing tale about a deranged teen who won’t put down a silver pot containing her granny’s ashes.

Moorhead, MN – When she heard the news that fmobserver.com was back online, MSUM Drama student Xinthia Kaswa immediately came to us with a dilemma. What she told us couldn’t be easily understood at first listen. This is mostly because of the way Xinthia talks.

Xinthia is one of a select few drama students who talks with a lisp.

It was with great difficulty we transcribed a brief interview with Xinthia for your amusement:

FMO: When you came out to your family, how did they react?
Xinthia: I didn’t “come out”, jethuth christht. Anyway, my father pretty muth lotht it. He thaid ‘no daughter of mine ith gonna be no lethpian’. He wath irate. Nothing I could thay to thway him! My mom wathn’t tho upthet. Thee thaid that thee exthpermented a bit in college and that i’d grow out of it. They didn’t get it.

FMO: What happened next?
Xinthia: I left. My dad was tho pithed, he kicked me out. I tried to exthplain but the thit head kicked me out.

FMO: You came to us to set the record straight. You want your family and peers to know you’re not lesbian, but instead thespian. Is that right?
Xinthia: Yeth. I’m not lethbian, i’m thethbian, for pete’th thake.

FMO: Xinthia, I feel the need to inform you that the two terms seem interchangeable when you phrase it that way. This may be why your ‘rents are confused.
Xinthia: Thut up.

FMObserver Lost In The Wilderness For Forty Days

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At times, we were not sure if we could ever find our way back.

Camp Wilderness – In case you had or hadn’t noticed, the FMObserver website was gone, missing in action, bye-bye for a rather long while. You could say we were lost in the internet wilderness, not much different from those wandering souls in the Blair Witch Project.

Losing a domain name is tantamount to losing your wallet, car, phone, family, and house all at the same time.

But just as a famous doctor of digestion once said: “All things will pass”, we are more than ecstatically relieved to report that the FMObserver, which once was lost, has now been found, born again, back from the dead, risen from the ashes, and is back online.

Now, the dream of our journey toward remaining the most respected and “absurdly observative” satirical fake-news agency can continue unimpeded and hopefully without further impediments.

Moral of the story: Keep all your passwords and PINs jotted down somewhere where someone can find them, in case you unexpectedly are suddenly summoned to your next realm.

Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

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The new F-M Curling Club was the deciding factor to have the next Winter Olympic Games in Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games.

When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried.

It turns out that in Fargo, the I.O.C. found everything it was looking for in a Winter Games host city.

From their official announcement statement: “Fargo, North Dakota is a paragon-perfect poster-child place that can host the next Winter Games cost-effectively, logically, efficiently, and safely. Plus, Fargo has a lot of fine restaurants and places to drink mass quantities of bier.”

One insider leaked that Fargo’s new, state-of-the-art Curling Club was one of the main reasons Fargo was chosen to host the next Winter Olympix, since curling has now become the #1 favorite spectator event of The Winter Games.

During this leak, the leaker also mentioned that the only real thing Fargo will have to do to prepare for The Games is create some good-sized mountains, possibly from all the dirt that will soon be excavated for the Red River Diversion.

Building-Like Structures Discovered On Planet Mars

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Experts are wondering: If Mars has buildings, could it also have landlords and tenants?

Utopia Basin, Mars – After first discovering water, and then chocolate on Mars, NASA experts have now confirmed the existance of what appear to be buildings on the Red Planet.

NASA’s Beagle 3 has been sending back some amazing and surprising images since it landed just a few months ago.

“We were literally stunned to find actual buildings on Mars, some with what appear to be lights on inside them,” says Dr. Soni Flamer, who heads up NASA’s Look For Life program.

“These building-like structures that we are seeing on Planet Mars were perhaps never noticed before due to large sandstorms in the Utopia Basin area,” added Dr. Simon Rafel, who sometimes thinks he’s in charge.

Ironically, all of the letters in Soni Flamer and Simon Rafel can be re-arranged to spell: Life On Mars!

Piano Playing Support Group Supportive Of Playing Piano

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The new Piano Playing Support Group is for everyone and anyone who likes to play the piano and eat cookies.

West Fargo, ND – A new support group for piano players is forming in West Fargo for people who might enjoy the benefits of such a group.

Dr. Abu Coplin will be hosting the Piano Player Support Group meetings at his new Pianomatic Support Center.

Each session will begin with a Meet & Greet, followed by participants taking turns playing piano, followed by treats and a discussion group called Issues & Tissues.

Participants will be invited to share their respective feelings on a Question of the Day, such as: What is your favorite note? Do you believe in chords? Why are some piano keys black whilst others are white? If you were a piano, would you play yourself?

If you’d be interested in joining the Piano Player Support Group, please contact Dr. Abu Coplin at his Pianomatic Support Center.

Ironically, all the letters in Abu Coplin can be re-arranged to spell: Piano Club!