Tag Archives: donald trump

FMO Announces The 2018 Smartest Kids Contest

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How smart is your kid?

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is excitedly proud to announce our 2018 Smartest Kids Contest.

“Think of this as a spelling bee but you’re asked questions instead of spelling words,” says Dr. Thomas Tuttle, who runs the Smartest Kids Contest, and who also won his age division when he was younger.

Questions can be on any topic such as current events, general factoids, members of President Trump’s cabinet, cocktail ingredients, historical facts, who’s married to whom, sports trivia, the value of PI, and much much more.

First place winners in each age group will win a trip to Grand Forks, whilst second place winners will win two trips to Grand Forks, and so on and so forth.

If you would like to participate, simply contact Dr. Thomas Tuttle with all your personal information such as name, birth date, Mother’s maiden name, social security number, bank accounts and credit cards. After that, simply start studying for Fargo’s 2018 Smartest Kids Contest!

One tip: Answers to all the possible contest questions can be found in the Fargo Public Liberry.

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

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Mt. Agung: nice ash!

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member.

“I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung. That volcano is really, really smart, it’s got amazing ideas, you’ve never heard ideas like these…the best…and it’s going to be a great thing for our country, America, which is a great country, but it could be better, but now it will be better, like way way better,” Trump exclaimed earlier today.

Asked what he was thinking by naming a volcano as a top advisor, President Trump said, “Mt. Agung is yuge and strong, like really strong, and really yuge. Plus it’s a volcano, which is amazing…it’s got the best eruptions in the world, the hottest lava, its ash is the best ash I’ve ever seen…everyone is going to love it, and I mean love it bigly.”

White House staffers had no comment, but insiders tell the FM Observer that they are “drinking heavily” and “mostly just praying”.

Todd Rundgren Opens Moorhead Concert With A Prayer For President Trump

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Trump-lover Todd Rundgren leads the audience in prayer for President Donald Trump prior to his concert.

Moorhead, MN – Many who attended the Yes/Todd Rundgren concert were pleasantly delighted when Mr. Rundgren opened the concert with a nice long Hawaiian prayer for President Donald Trump.

Unfortunately, they were not pleasantly surprised when YES did not show up due to some serious family problems.

Luckily, Todd Rundgren was then able to dedicate his entire headlining concert to invoking spiritual help for President Trump and his entire administration whom Mr. Rundgren greatly admires.

In fact, the Toddster announced that all of the proceeds from the concert will go to help fund President Trump’s re-election campaign and also to build the tall wall to keep Americans from escaping to Mexico in an effort to avoid paying back taxes.

After the concert concluded, Todd Rundgren got a personal phone call from President Trump who said: “I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day!”

President Trump To Vacation In Fargo

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President Trump loves Fargo!

Washington, DC – President Trump has announced that he and his first family will be vacationing in Fargo, North Dakota sometime in the near future, but is giving few details about the presidential trip.

The President has also indicated that his vacations will shift from a time-based approach to one based on conditions, such as: 1. Are we having a good time, or 2. Is Fargo now a functional democracy?

Unlike previous presidents, President Trump is not giving out any arrival date or hasty departure date in order to keep everyone on their toes, or high heels in Melania’s case.

“I will not say when we are going to vacation in Fargo, but vacation in Fargo we will,” Trump said.

Also, President Trump is acting more like a CEO than a president by authorizing his team members to make decisions on their own, such as: 1. Where shall we eat, or 2. How about if we go see a movie at the Fargo Theater?

Protestants are expected to show up when President Trump attends a church service at a local Protestant church.

Russians Hack Krispy Kreme’s Secret Recipe

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The Russians might use this recipe to make spare tires for their military trucks.

Moscow, Pennsylvania – With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe.

FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme’s secret doughnut recipe?

President Trump: I think it’s a bad deal, a very bad deal, which must be investigated.

Krispy Kreme Founder Vernon Rudolph: Impeccable presentation is critical wherever Krispy Kreme is sold. We must produce a collaborative team effort and never get hacked.

Krispy Kreme CEO Michael Tattersfield: Since 1937, we have striven and strived to be the worldwide leader in sharing delicious tastes and creating joyful memories.

Gov. Chris Christie: I am quite panicked right now! If I donut have my six Krispy Kreme Doughnuts every day I might have to close down a major highway while I have a major panic attack.

President Putin: This whole thing is just a big hoax. However, if we did hack the Krispy Kreme Doughnut secret recipe, we could use it to make spare tires for our military jeeps.

Trump To Introduce Family’s New Pet Llama Whose Name Is Dolly

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The newest addition to the Trump First Family: Dolly the Llama!

Washington, DC – Breaking from long-standing tradition once again, instead of introducing a new First Dog to the country as most presidents have done in the past, President Donald Trump and his First Family will be unveiling their new pet llama named Dolly.

As it was a gift from the Bolivian Llama Party, the First Llama hails from Bolivia where llamas are often adopted to become close members of Bolivian families who almost treat them as equals.

Dolly will freely roam the grounds of the White House for visitors to pet and perhaps even ride.

However, be forewarned that if she is overloaded with too much weight, Dolly the Llama may spit, hiss, or even kick, much like many Democrats have been doing ever since the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th president.

Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump

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Trump wears the suit which ranks above all others and which can win a trick when someone wearing a different suit has been led.

Fair Play, TX – Ever since Donald Trump was elected president, what used to be friendly relaxing games of pinochle have become more heated political debate sessions.

Pinochle players such as Arnie Macnaughton of Fair Play, Texas admit that he and his pinochle cohorts now spend more time arguing about Trump than they do actually laying down their meld and trying to take tricks.

♠ Arnie goes on to say that anytime someone mentions ‘Spades’, the conversation turns to shovel-ready jobs to build the southern border wall.

♥ If someone says ‘Hearts’, we start talking about bleeding heart liberals and whether or not Obamacare should be repealed and replaced.

♦ When ‘Diamonds’ are brought up, we wrangle about how the rich keep getting richer while the poor are left to stand in line outside of soup kitchens.

♣ And good luck if ‘Clubs’ are brought up because then we start debating about all the protests and how that leads to civil unrest and anarchy.

Arnie Macnaughton along with many other pinochle players might need to switch to playing Bridge, or to be more specific: Bridge Over Troubled Waters.

After Trump Converts To Mormonism, He Plans To Add Another First Lady

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The awkward moment when the First Lady learned she might play Second Fiddle.

Washington, DC – It has somehow been leaked that President Trump may soon use an executive order to add another First Lady to the White House after his anticipated upcoming conversion from Presbyterian to Mormonism.

Now we know what all the meetings with Mitt Romney were about. Mormons allow polygamy which would fly in the face of conventional past presidential protocol but President Trump has already been full of surprises.

Many suspect that this may be why First Lady Melania Trump has indicated that she will continue living in Trump Tower so that Donald’s additional wife (or wives) can call the White House home and thus reduce the chances of any cat fights (which would actually make for great ratings on the new White House reality show).

Sunday morning pundits are already wondering if a president’s second wife would be called Second Lady or perhaps First Lady 2.0, and so on, and so forth.

President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of U.S. Military

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Salvation Army to join U.S. Military per President Trump.

Trump Tower, NY – On Day One of his presidency, President Donald Trump stuck to his campaign promise to make the Salvation Army an equal member of the United States Military.

“This is going to be huge, folks, trust me, it’s going to be great,” uttered the in-coming president.

“Now bell ringers with guns will be able to ring their bells and forcibly collect money all over the world.”

A surprised spokesman for the Salvation Army was overheard in the bathroom saying that “this all has come as quite a shock to both the leadership and rank & file workers of the Salvation Army. I most certainly hope we are all somewhat trained in the use of guns and one-on-one personal self-defense combat fighting!”

A spokeswoman for the new Trump Administration recently announced that each and every existing fricking governmental…
1. department, 2. agency, 3. division, and 4. bureaucracy
will first be…
1. reviewed, 2. interviewed, and 3. analyzed
and then either…
1. downsized, 2. amalgamated, or 3. completely eliminated.

Editor’s Note: Obviously, in the case of the Salvation Army, it is being amalgamated.

BigFoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead

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This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer just outside of Moorhead.

This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer named Darko Revkian just outside the quirky town of Moorhead, Minisoda.

Moorhead, MN – One of our trained spotters who was out doing some bird watching recently got what is believed to be the best picture ever of The BigFoot.

Darko Revkian and his camera were in search of a pileated woodpecker’s nest when he noticed a large creature walking towards an outhouse.

Darko: “All my photography training immediately kicked in and I somehow took a perfect picture of what now is believed to be the actual BigFoot.”

BigFoot experts think that the beast might be en route to Canada in the wake of Donald Trump’s successful bid for the White House.

In the meantime, Moorhead authorities are telling residents to shelter in place until the “All Clear” notification is given that The BigFoot is no longer wandering around the area.