Tag Archives: mosquitos

Baseball-Sized Mosquitoes Now Fargo’s Second Pandemic

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Carry a baseball bat to “deal with” baseball-sized mosquitoes!

Fargo, North Dakota – Planning any outdoor activities? Better bring a baseball bat!

Experts agree that this summer’s rainy pattern has been ideal for the formation of a bumper crop of unusually large mosquitoes.

Our Dr. Goombi Quist admits that “some of the mosquitoes in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area are so large that they don’t fit into the mosquito collection traps used by Vector Control.”

While citronella candles are flying off the shelves in a minimal effort to deal with the needle-nosed menaces, so too are baseball bats.

Dr. Quist reminds folks to make sure you don’t accidentally hit grandma in the head when madly swinging a baseball bat to kill a killer mosquito.

Naturally, all of the letters in Goombi Quist can be re-arranged to spell: Big Mosquito!

FM Area To Begin Spraying For Gadflies

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Fargo Vector Control to uphold their Socratic oath by spraying for gadflies this spring/summer.

Fargo, ND – Aerial sprayers working in conjunction with NDSU bugologists will be taking their fight to the gadfly population this summer, along with the other usual suspects: mosquitoes.

The gadfly (pronounced: gad-fly), which has been a problem since Greek times, is usually only a nuisance to livestock by biting them repeatedly until they start to totally freak out and until the livestock can no longer function normally.

However, sometimes insective gadflies can affect the human population in a very similar manner.

As Socrates once demonstrated, in some cases, a pestive gadfly can annoy and provoke humans into action by constant biting criticism.

A human gadfly is one who upsets societal normality by posing condescending questions that are intended to promote anarchy in the name of progressive liberalism.

Luckily, the Gadfly Police will be out in force also trying to rid Fargo of the human gadfly population.

Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast

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Mosquitos that carry the Zika are called Mozikos.

Miami, FL – As hazardous Hurricane Hermine passed over Florida, most people were worried about the obvious winds, rains, and flooding from a category one hurricane.

What most people did not realize was that as tropical storm Hermine moved up along the East Coast, the mosquitos that carry the Zika Virus (mozikos) would get transported to new areas of the country.

So now, the toublesome Zika Virus will be spread much further North and much more quickly than previously predicted by the CDC and the FMObserver.

Luckily, your FMObserver has vigilant observers throughout the country who are constantly observing this and other potentially problematic situations, such as the Facebook satellite and Hillary’s hacked email server.

Mosquito Spraying Turns Tadpole Into Giant MegaToad

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Giant toad threatens family’s car.

West Fargo, ND – A young boy raising tadpoles for his fricking frog farm believes area mosquito sprayings caused one of his pet tadpoles to grow to Godzilla-sized proportions.

The MegaToad which the boy named Goliath is still growing and at last count stood about seven times the height of the family’s VW Beetle (see picture).

The boy and his father now believe that the chemical known as permethrin (C21H20Cl2O3) used by the Cass County Vector Control Unit is the cause of the tadpole’s unusual transformation.

The two also have reason to believe that this chemical is the exact same substance used by Norman Osborn (a.k.a. The Green Goblin) in the 2002 Spider-Man movie.

Because of this, the boy and his family are now living in protective custody via the Witless Protection Program. The father’s secret new assumed name and location is: Keedera Gowron, 35107 Stockert Hollow Road, Redmond WA.

If you notice any strange transformations in any of your pets (especially cats) or family members (especially females), please contact local city officials immediately.

Regarding the MegaToad, it is currently being housed south of town, in a large quonset building which is normally used for blimps and hot air balloons.

Meditation Tents One Way To Combat Stress From Mosquitos

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Using the power of the pyramid to fight off the nasty needle-nosers.

West Fargo, ND – Have you been wanting to meditate in your back yard but just could not because a thousand mosquitoes wanted to suck your blood?

The FM Observer feels your pain and offers a simple answer to your problem: The Jungle Meditation Tent!

This is something you can buy, build, or borrow. However you procure it, it will cure your problem.

Hundreds of backyard meditators in the West Fargo area who’ve gotten fed up with the mosquito feeding frenzies they’ve recently witnessed are now safely and calmly chanting their mantras mosquito-free thanks to their Jungle Meditation Tents.

For additional help to win the fight against those mosquito terrorists, here is another possible solution you can try.

Mix up the following concoction for a hose-end spray bottle to effectively drive away mosquitoes: 1/3 stale beer (any kind), 1/3 Epsom salt, and 1/3 mouth wash (with alcohol).

Put the mixture in your garden feeder and spray down your lawn, bushes, patios and any areas that look suspicious for those breeding blood suckers.

This solution could smell a little funny at first, but quickly dissipates, leaving your yard mosquito-free and meditation-friendly!

UPDATE: For more good information on this subject, please visit: Best Mosquito Repellent Guide: How to Efficiently Prevent Mosquito Bites