Tag Archives: presents

The White House’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar Is The Latest Trending Christmas Gift

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Gradually open twelve White House windows to mark the twelve days of impeachment.

Washington, DC – First lady Melania is offering a superbly wonderful gift idea for the holidays.

Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar is an impeccably designed likeness of the White House with twelve adorable little windows that can be opened one per day.

Share the magic of the impeachment process with your family as more and more windows light up.

Since the First Lady fluently speaks six languages, the twelve impeachment windows when opened each announce a different special message in all six of Melania’s spoken languages: English, French, German, Italian, Slovenian, and Serbo-Croatian.

If you’re looking to give the latest hotly trending gift for Christmas, consider Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar.

Melania in her own words:
French: Ce calendrier de destitution est précieusement divin.
German: Dieser Amtsenthebungskalender ist von unschätzbarem Wert.
Italian: Questo calendario dell’impeachment è preziosamente divino.
Slovenian: Ta koledar obstoja je dragoceno božanski.
Serbo-Croatian: Ovaj kalendar imepmenta je dragocjen božanski.
English: This impeachment calendar is preciously divine.

Apple’s Smart Christmas iTree Is The Best New Thing For The Holidays Since Eggnog

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Apple’s new iTree will change Christmas forever.

Apple Valley, CA – It was just a matter of time until Apple introduced their new Christmas iTree.

Now, for your Christmas enjoyment, you can have a smart Christmas tree which, of course, comes with a Siri.

This new hyper-functional iTree will change Christmas as much as eggnog did when it was first poured.

Tell Siri to change the look of your iTree randomly or at set times.

You can ask your new Christmas iTree how many presents are under the tree, provide the current total number of gifts for each person, what’s in each present, how much a present cost and where it was purchased, what is the meaning of Christmas, how many years ago was Jesus born, and what is the current value of Apple stock.

The new Apple iTree will also change the look of its lights, its size and shape, and even rotate to enhance your Christmas pleasure all while playing any Christmas music that you want.

Gather the whole family on the couch and have your new iTree take a picture or video of your Christmas happenings, and then ask Siri to contact relatives to FaceTime with others using their iTree!

There is really no limit to what your new Apple smart Christmas iTree can do except it cannot purchase itself…you will have to do that.

House-Warming Gift Ideas For The West Fargo And Fargo Area

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Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!

West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.

This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.

Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.

Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:

☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns

Secret Santa Drops In Early At Many Local Businesses

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Don’t be surprised if Secret Santa drops in at your place of work before Christmas!

Fargo, ND – Secret Santa has recently been making the rounds at many local Fargo businesses.

For any employees who choose to participate in their Secret Santa program, it’s a chance to find out what are some of the hot items for Christmas this year.

Your FM Observer has conveniently compiled a list for you of this year’s top items that people are receiving from Secret Santa:

◘ Anything Trump
◘ Butterscotch Pudding
◘ A small box of Heath Bars
◘ Small plastic Elephants
◘ A can of Mackerel
◘ Any signed book by Deepak Chopra
◘ A box of dried Kasoori Methi leaves
◘ Barbie Bubblegum-flavored mouthwash
◘ A box of traditional Cracker Jack (includes prize!)
◘ A box of marsh-mellow Moon Pies
◘ A small bottle of Johnny’s French Dip Au Jus
◘ A Jesus candle (from the Mexican section at Cashwise)
◘ Flavored Pocky Biscuit Sticks (by Glico)
◘ A box of Prawn Crackers

The Orb Is Now Available Wherever Cool Things Are Sold

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The Orb knows all.

Potter, WI – If you like ordering cool things online that are even cooler when you open the box, then Google’s new Hairy Potter Magical Orb is for you.

Tech-sperts are raving about The Orb and predicting that it could soon replace the need for Siri, Alexa, and smartphones.

Not only does it answer any and all questions you may have, but also acts as a communication device which does not need any keyboard since it can read your mind.

Google’s new Hairy Potter Magical Orb can answer any questions about the past, show what’s currently happening in the present, and accurately predict the future.

The only thing it cannot do is serve you breakfast in bed, although many people do like to sleep with The Orb.

An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend

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Merry Christmas to whomever you are!

As we gather round the Christmas tree,
Which was chopped and flocked for you and me,
We nibble on some scones and sip Chablis,
While outside it’s a dangerous one degree.

All the nicely wrapped presents that we see,
Are a result of that black friday shopping spree.
Why get one when you can afford to buy three,
Of those red candles scented with potpourri?

Christmas is a fun time of family glee,
Enhanced on Facebook with hyperbole.
Rather than giving each person a new CD,
Tis way more awesome to get a real pony!

One might suggest getting some activity,
Perhaps head out and go cross country ski.
But most would likely have to agree,
They’d rather watch football on NBC.

Kids: The Christmas Presents Are In Your Parents’ Cursed Egyptian Sarcophagus

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Notice anything different in your parents’ bedroom lately?

Fargo, ND—You can stop searching. The Observer has learned exactly where your parents are storing your Christmas presents, and it’s not in the location you’re used to. Your gifts are trapped in a centuries-old tomb of the deceased.

Yes, your mom and dad are tired of your constant snooping and as a result, have gotten wise to your yearly antics. They’re not keeping your presents in the same location as before. No, they’ve unearthed a historic relic in which they’ve hidden your precious treasure.

That dusty old stone sarcophagus sitting in your parents’ bedroom contains your gifts, and they’re being guarded by a spiritual eminence. If you dare peek your head in there (let alone place your grubby little hands upon the hieroglyphics), a cursed Egyptian king will rise from it and feast upon your wretched soul.

The Observer recommends you quit jerkin’ around that dusty old mummy box until your parents recite the necromantic incantations that free the darkest evil from within. Christmas is almost here.