Tag Archives: wine

New Church Giving Whole Bottle Of Wine With Communion To Attract New Members

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Each member gets a loaf of bread and a full bottle of wine during communion service.

West Fargo, ND – In an effort to attract and keep new members, the Church Of Bountiful Grace is offering each member a full bottle of wine along with a full loaf of bread at every communion service.

Pastor Loften Wibeto says the Holy Spirits spoke to him with this idea to provide communion participants a full bottle of wine and a warm loaf of bread during each Last Supper, which is celebrated weekly at the Church Of Bountiful Grace.

“In the Book of Psalms, God tells us that wine was created to gladden our hearts,” says Pastor Wibeto as he sips a nice Merlot while writing his next sermon, which is on the subject of spiritual fermentation.

Prayerfully, all of the letters in Loften Wibeto can be re-arranged to spell: Bottle Of Wine!

Cooking Corner: How To Cook A Caged Pigeon

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“The only thing better than cooking one caged pigeon is cooking two caged pigeons.” –Ped Gascoigne

Fargone, ND – Today in our Cooking Corner, we are interviewing Mr. Ped Gascoigne, who is opening a new restaurant in Downtown Fargo called The Squab House.

Since Mr. Gascoigne specializes in roasting caged pigeons, we’re going to find out from Ped exactly how to properly roast a caged pigeon.

Mr. Ped Gascoigne in his own words:

The pigeon is a stout-bodied bird with a rather short neck, so I recommend two caged pigeons per person, just to be safe.

After plucking and dressing your caged pigeons, preheat the oven to 500°F, or 260°C, or 533°K.

Paint the caged pigeons with some smidgens of melted butter. Then salt and sear the caged pigeons in a hot pan big enough for two plucked pigeons.

Once half cooked, pop the half-baked salty seared caged pigeons into the preheated oven for 10 minutes, breast side up.

Then remove the formerly caged pigeons from the oven and let them rest for five minutes before garnishing them with some chopped parsley.

Serve with a medium-bodied pinot noir or a stout-bodied pale ale. Enjoy!

Editor’s Note: You can procure good caged pigeons from any certifiable pigeon farmer in your area.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Ped Gascoigne can be re-arranged to spell: Caged Pigeons!

Let The FM Observer Help Express Your Love On Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day = Love Day :o)

Heartland, USA – Valentine’s Day is the favorite holiday here at our FM Observer corporate office park.

This is true because it’s not only a day of flowers and chocolates but also of overt expressions of love.

We pride ourselves each year in providing the community with some new and innovative ways for you to tell your Valentine how much you love them.

Here are this year’s Top Ten Valentine’s Day quotations that you can use when writing your card, sending flowers, or whispering sweet nothings by candlelight:

♥ I love you despite your obvious flaws.
♥ Love makes the earth spin and causes it to warm.
♥ Happiness is loving your lovely lover who loves you.
♥ Valentine’s Day is the best of the secondary holidays.
♥ If we hadn’t met, we’d each probably have another.
♥ There’s a reason a rose has sharp thorns.
♥ You turned my nightmare into a daydream.
♥ Thanks for not giving up on me early on.
♥ Rising and falling in love has its ups and downs.
♥ Love is like a great margarita during happy hour.

Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation

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Lake fermentation is one of the early signs of a bigger problem: Global Fermentation.

Vergas, MN – Trained experts from Minnesota’s department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation.

Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global Fermentation.

Dr. Fenton in his own fermented words: “The lakes where we are seeing fermentation are usually related to where there are a lot of people living or camping such as Beers Lake near Maplewood State Park.”

A few other lakes on the fermentation list are: Whiskey Lake, Scotch Lake, Bootleg Lake, and also Highlife Lake.

If you think your lake is starting to ferment, please call the Minnesota DNR at your earliest convenience so that trained experts can come out and sip samples of your lake water.

Ironically, all of the letters in Martie Fenton can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fermentation!

Many Apple Pickers Who Choose To Make Apple Wine End Up Getting Quite Drunk

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A glass of apple wine each day helps keep the blues away.

West Fargo, ND – It’s that special time of year once again when apple pickers in the region start thinking about fermentation.

Dr. Zymurgy explains that by using the magic of fermentation, a little bit of yeast and sugar can transform friendly apple juice into powerful apple wine.

Ms. Feleppa Westin is executive apple of the Apple Wine Fest which she describes as one big drunkfest that celebrates the fermented juice from the original apple of sin.

“If you start your home fermentation process in mid-October, by Thanksgiving you will have some kick-ass apple wine for which to give thanks,” says Ms. Westin. “And by Christmas, you’ll be ready to do some serious caroling throughout your neighborhood!” she adds.

Ironically, all the letters in Feleppa Westin can be re-fermented to spell: Apple Wine Fest!