Bill Burns Defends Fargo From Storm Gandolf. His Story.

January 17th, 2013 | by Bill Burns

Storm Gandolf Fargo North DakotaFargo, ND – Storm Gandolf, according to the media, was supposed to be a storm apocalypse.  Those two words “storm apocalypse’ are what sprung me into action.  I wasn’t going to sit by and watch my fellow Fargoans being forced to blow storm gandolf.  That is why on the evening of 01/11/2013, I grabbed a parka and a crowbar and headed out the door to do battle.

Sooner than later there I was, sitting in the middle of a field waiting for Gandolf to show itself.  I was five hours in now.  Stomach was starting to make noises and my mouth dry, wanting nothing more then a sip of something hot or cold.  Since I only had a parka and crowbar I had to improvise.  To quench my thirst, I dug a small hole, filled it with snow, then dipped my huge big and hot balls into the snow thereby melting it and making a very nice cup of low-sodium hot water.  Looking back at it now, if it wasn’t for that ball water, I don’t think I’d still be here.

Hot water in my stomach and feeling good, the wind started to whisper at me.  “Gandolf!  Is that you?” I shouted in such a manly voice, I believe a woman living on a distant farm became pregnant at that very moment.  “Show yourself!” I screamed.

At that moment a snow wave burst up from the field and made it’s way straight for me, yelling nasty, violent, and obscene obscenities at me.  I remember them well and they haunt me to this day.  This ‘snow wave’ was a penis.  It was a very large, cold, and mean penis made out of snow.

Right as this large penis was about to attack, I shoved my crowbar right into the beasts opening.  The penis tip if you will.  At that very moment, the storm burst into millions of tiny white snowflakes which started to lightly rain down on me.

I knew it was a success.  I saved the people of the Farg0-Moorhead area from Storm Gandolf.

So there you have it.  You now know the real reason Storm Gandolf was non-existent for the fargo-moorhead residents.

 


The following two tabs change content below.
Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.