Tag Archives: doctor

Fargo Hospital Hires First Monkey Doctor

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Dr. Bonzo is very excited to begin his medical practice in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND – An area hospital is proud to announce a new team member to its full-time staff.

Dr. Panky Bonzo, who recently finished up his residency at the prestigious Cleveland Clinic, will begin seeing patients this summer.

To make Doctor Bonzo more at home, his office is being wallpapered in a jungle motif with decorative accent strips of yellow bananas along with multiple vines and ropes hanging from the ceiling.

Panky is a general practice doctor who tends to specialize in problems with the hands and feet, such as plantar fasciitis.

He is a very good listener, loves funny stories and can tell a few of his own.

Dr. Bonzo (who is currently single) loves walks along the river, sharing banana splits, playing on the monkey bars and watching old movies.

Cave Exploration Not Unlike Doing A Colonoscopy

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Dr. Hugh Janus likes to spend his free time exploring the bowels of the Earth.

Dr. Hugh Janus likes to spend his free time exploring the bowels of the Earth.

Cavetown, Maryland – Recently, while hanging out in the lunchroom of a local hospital, we learned of an interesting phenomenon while sipping coffee at a table with some gastroenterologists.

What we discovered is that many of these digestive tract doctors like to spend their free time exploring caves and leading some group cave explorations.

Dr. Seymour Butts said he started exploring caves while back in medical school. “I found caves to be a nice, quiet place to study.”

Dr. Willy Reams likens our planet’s caves to “the bowels of the Earth, which are well worth investigating.”

Dr. Richard Brown admitted that “after years of doing colonoscopies, I just feel comfortable hiking and exploring caves, which can go on for miles.”

Dr. Rodney Ram: “I actually became a gastroenterologist after growing up exploring caves in my state as an inquisitive youngster.”

Dr. Fenster Helps Answer Some Baby Questions

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Maybe Baby thinks you’re stupid.

The FM Observer is proud to add another expert to our growing staff. Dr. Niles Fenster M.D. is a well-respected pediatrician with special training in teaching parents how to identify the causes of some of the problems they might be having with their baby.

We really hope these 20 tips will be helpful to some new parents with new babies. All 20 of the problems have been bolded for quick reference in case of emergency.

Dr. Niles Fenster M.D. says:

If your baby is yellow, maybe baby is jaundice because it has contracted Hepatitis A.

If your baby is turning blue, maybe baby is choking on that chicken bone you gave it to play with.

If your baby always tries to scratch your face, maybe baby doesn’t like how you look.

If your baby is fussy and you believe in reincarnation, maybe baby didn’t want to be born again.

If your baby is making repeated hand gestures, maybe baby wants you to learn sign language.

If your baby is pointing and laughing at you, maybe baby thinks you’re stupid.

If your baby seems hungry but will not eat, maybe baby thinks you’re a shitty cook.

If your baby hasn’t messed its diaper in days, maybe baby doesn’t give a crap.

If your baby has tummy trouble, maybe baby ingested some cleaning products you left out.

If your baby needs to burp a lot, maybe baby shouldn’t be drinking a bottle of sparkling champagne.

If your baby wants more stimulation, maybe baby doesn’t like living in a cardboard box.

If your baby wants less stimulation, maybe baby is freaking out from watching Nightmare On Elm Street.

If your baby won’t sleep, maybe baby has started using crystal meth.

If your baby sleeps all the time, maybe baby is clinically depressed because it hates your family.

If your baby is constantly teething, maybe baby has gingivitis and needs a root canal.

If your baby feels hot, maybe baby shouldn’t be wearing a down jacket while drinking hot cocoa.

If your baby feels cold, maybe baby has frostbite from being left outside.

If your baby wants to be held, maybe baby is afraid of the pair of pit bulls under its crib.

If your baby doesn’t want to be held, maybe baby doesn’t trust you after being dropped multiple times.

If your baby is crawling on the ceiling, maybe baby and you are trapped inside the movie Trainspotting.

Dr. Niles Fenster M.D. would be happy to hear if any of these tips have helped you and your baby. If you have other problems, please do not hesitate to contact our newest staff expert for more excellent free advice. The phone number for Dr. Fenster is: 1-800-MAYBE-BABY.

Mom Gets Daughter Unusual Birthday Gift.

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5 year old gets plastic surgery.

Fargo, ND —In a story you think didn’t come from this world, a Fargo mom dropped over 25k on her 5 year old daughter to get plastic surgery and breast enhancements.  The mom admits to herself that it could be viewed as weird to spend that much on such cosmetic things but believes this will help her daughter look younger.  “It has taken years off of her already maturing face,” the mom told us.  “She just doesn’t look like an old lady anymore.”  The mom thinks this will help her daughter break into the entertainment industry and having the surgery will make her daughter look more like her mother.  Apparently her mother, “looked like shit.”

“It has taken years off of her already maturing face,” the mom told us.