Plains, GA – Former President Jimmy Carter declared this week that Jesus Christ would drink Heineken and approve of recreational marijuana.
The 39th president, who describes himself as a two-time born-again Christian, says that after his second rebirth, he believes that Jesus would drink Heineken beer and also vote to make recreational marijuana legal in all states, except for Utah.
He went on to say he thought Jesus would think that President Carter was one of the best presidents in the history of our country, ranked right up there with President Obama and Woodrow Wilson.
When asked how he knows what Jesus Christ would think, he simply answered with a big smile: “Besides having the same initials, we were both carpenters.”
President Woodrow Wilson allegedly groped a female visitor at White House.
Touchet, WA – A recently deceased woman claims that she was groped by then President Woodrow Wilson whilst she was on a group tour of the White House.
Ms. Gerda Powis of Touchet, Washington wrote in her detailed memoirs that instead of a group tour, it turns out she was on a “grope tour” after she somehow ended up in the Oval Office alone with President Woodrow Wilson who was only wearing a robe.
“He groped me and proceeded to touch me inappropriately against my will when I was just a young woman,” claims Ms. Powis who lived to the ripe old age of 109.
The Woodrow Wilson Administration was not available for comment however we’re assuming they deny the entire story and brush it off as being just more poppycock fake news.
Ironically, all of the letters in Gerda Powis can be lovingly re-arranged to spell: I Was Groped!