Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Global Warming Changing Algore Into A Reptile

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Algore is now becoming Lizard Man!?

Lizarda, Brazil – While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile.

Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as “Homem Lagarto” (Lizard Man).

Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian human lizard while others think he may have been bitten by a rabid lizard during a jungle camping expedition into the Amazon rain forest.

What do you think about this?

Do you believe in Herpetology?

Are you for or against Global Warming?

Where do you see yourself in 100 years?

Are you willing to fight for peace?

Medora Musical Rated Most Over-Hyped Attraction In ND Because It Truly Sucks

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Abhor It. Avoid It. Medora!

Medora, ND – If you’re planning on attending the Medora Musical in Western North Dakota, you obviously have not done your homework.

The FM Observer rates the Medora Musical the most over-hyped and under-whelming attraction in the state of North Dakota.

Even if the outside temperature is perfect, this show is rated a zero on our 1-10 scale of state-wide attractions in the Rough Rider state.

But because of Algore’s Climate Change, the temperature at showtime will most likely either be way too hot or way too cold.

The FM Observer strongly advises you to go see anything else in any other part of the state rather than driving out to the middle of nowhere to see a show that would surely be gonged if it was on the Gong Show.

“Gray Stray Cat Virus” Now Infecting Some Home Computers

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Say hello to your new computer virus!

Cathead, Pennsylvania – A new computer virus called the Gray Stray Cat is on the prowl.

It silently lurks in waiting until unsuspecting computer users let down their guards.

How will you know if you have the Gray Stray Cat virus?

Oh, you’ll know! It will periodically pop its head up whilst giving you a nice long me-e-eow. Just be happy you didn’t get the barking dog virus!

How can you make it go away?

Stop giving it milk and then hire a computer-wise fourth grader from your neighborhood to carefully remove it from your infected computer.

Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation

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Lake fermentation is one of the early signs of a bigger problem: Global Fermentation.

Vergas, MN – Trained experts from Minnesota’s department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation.

Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global Fermentation.

Dr. Fenton in his own fermented words: “The lakes where we are seeing fermentation are usually related to where there are a lot of people living or camping such as Beers Lake near Maplewood State Park.”

A few other lakes on the fermentation list are: Whiskey Lake, Scotch Lake, Bootleg Lake, and also Highlife Lake.

If you think your lake is starting to ferment, please call the Minnesota DNR at your earliest convenience so that trained experts can come out and sip samples of your lake water.

Ironically, all of the letters in Martie Fenton can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fermentation!

Former President Jimmy Carter Says Jesus Would Drink Heineken And Vote To Legalize Recreational Marijuana

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Jimmy Carter knows what Jesus would think.

Plains, GA – Former President Jimmy Carter declared this week that Jesus Christ would drink Heineken and approve of recreational marijuana.

The 39th president, who describes himself as a two-time born-again Christian, says that after his second rebirth, he believes that Jesus would drink Heineken beer and also vote to make recreational marijuana legal in all states, except for Utah.

He went on to say he thought Jesus would think that President Carter was one of the best presidents in the history of our country, ranked right up there with President Obama and Woodrow Wilson.

When asked how he knows what Jesus Christ would think, he simply answered with a big smile: “Besides having the same initials, we were both carpenters.”

Dog Saves Drowning Man From River And Then Eats The Man

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Heroic dog who saves drowning man then turns into villain by devouring him.

Neche, ND – The good news is: a man who was suddenly drowning in the Tongue River was saved by a large and alert dog.

Unfortunately, the bad news is: once the man was pulled to safety on the banks of the river, the large dog then proceeded to eat the man.

The man hasn’t yet been identified but is believed to not be from the Tongue River area.

The dog, a full grown bullmastiff, is named Zarr and is first being given a medal of honor for saving the man, and then is being charged with manslaughter.

Tune in to your local 6:00 evening news for updates on this most incredible and biz-Zarr story.

Heidi Heitkamp And Kevin Cramer Agree To Three UFC-Style Octagon Fights

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Will octagon fighting between candidates become the new normal? Tune in to find out.

Bismarck, ND – Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer, who are both fighting for the same Senate seat, will meet three times prior to the election in order to help undecided voters make their choice.

Their campaigns have agreed that these three meetings will each be a UFC-style fight held within a fenced octagon in which there basically are no rules.

North Dakota is possibly the first state to have their candidates engage in octagon fighting, instead of the normal (and boring) debate setting where they answer questions whilst standing at a podium and sip water for an hour.

These three exciting octagon fights between Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer are expected to be watched by people all across the country, not only because of the importance of the race but also because of the uniqueness of their encounters.

Win This 1968 Mercury Cougar By Entering Your Name At Our FMO Corporate Headquarters

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Win this brand new 1968 Mercury Cougar!

West Fargo, ND – To celebrate the fact that the FM Observer has once again won the best website award in North Dakota, we are having a drawing for a brand new 1968 Mercury Cougar.

This gem of a car is a two-door hardtop which comes with a powerful 335 horse power V-8 engine, features hidden headlights, and comes with only 500 miles on it.

Not only was this the Motor Trend car of the year, but it could be yours just by entering your name for the drawing at our FM Observer Corporate Headquarters.

Other prizes include: a one-way trip to Grand Forks, a lifetime supply of shrimp, a personalized hot air balloon, rental property by NDSU, a double-decker house boat, and your very own office at the Red River Valley Zoo!

You can only enter your name once, but you can enter as many times as you’d like by using pseudonyms. Good Luck to all and thanks for reading the FM Observer!

Montana Tractor Picked Up By Tornado Lands In Minnesota

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This powerful tornado somehow carried a tractor all the way across the state of North Dakota!

Climax, MN – A tractor that started out in Crane, Montana ended up in Climax, Minnesota thanks to a very large and fast moving tornado.

Tornadologist Corry Langfitt says he’s never seen anything like it: “Yeah, I ain’t never seen anything like it,” says Corry, who went on to say: “This would be considered very unusual, if you’re asking me.”

Gatlin Rycroft, the owner of the tractor, was quite surprised to find that his tractor had flown all the way from Crane, Montana, across the entire state of North Dakota, and then into Minnesota where it landed just before it got to Climax.

Gatlin in his own words: “If you would’ve told me my darn tractor would get picked up by a tornado, and then go and land over there in Minnesota, I’da thought you were some kinda crazy nutcase!”

Ironically, all the letters in both Langfitt Corry and Gatlin Rycroft can be re-arranged to spell: Flying Tractor!

All West Fargoans Asked To Make A Rock Balancing Sculpture In Their Yards

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West Fargo trying to set a new record for the town with the most rock balancings.

West Fargo, ND – The new mayor of West Fargo is informally asking all homeowners to build a rock balancing (sometimes called a cairn) somewhere in their yard.

FMO: What’s the thought behind this idea?

Mayor: West Fargo is already unique because there’s only one in the country. If every home in West Fargo had a rock balancing sculpture in their yard, that would really be cool, don’t you think?

FMO: Any tips or tricks on how to do it?

Mayor: Using rocks with some flatness helps, but basically stack them one on top of another, finding the balance point, with each rock placed on the previous rock so it feels solid like a tripod. 

FMO: Do you have any other ideas for West Fargo?

Mayor: It would be nice if everyone wore a name tag showing their first name just to increase our sense of community.