Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Vote For Vivian Nutwrangler Because She Wants What You Want

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A vote for Vivian is a vote for sanity.

A vote for Vivian is a vote for sanity. So don’t be crazy. Vote for Vivian!

West Fargo, ND – If you live in, near, or far from District 82, please consider voting for Vivian Nutwrangler.

Vivian is a no-nonsense candidate who is for everything you want. Even more importantly, Vivian Nutwrangler strongly opposes everything you are against.

Vivian knows people. She also know some animals. She has met some people who act like animals.

With a world of experience, Vivian knows what is best for people, animals, and the world.

Vivian Nutwrangler also knows how to get things done. You name it, and Vivian has either done it herself or sub-contracted the job to someone else.

So, on election day, when you go do your patriotic duty and vote, please don’t forget to remember to vote for Vivian Nutwrangler: The most sane person in this crazy world.

Update: You are most certainly invited to join Vivian at her home on election evening to sing and celebrate her election victory by sharing cookies and milk with others who see things the same way you do.

Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour

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Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Man comes back from dead after clocks turned back an hour!

Fargo, ND – In what doctors are calling “highly unusual”, a hospital patient who had passed away during the early Sunday morning hours came back to life after the hospital turned the clocks back an hour to Central Standard Time.

Dr. Bernard LaFlange had pronounced the patient dead 35 minutes earlier.

But then, right at 2:00 AM, when the clocks went back to 1:00 AM, the older male patient returned to life just as if nothing had happened.

The man’s family was completely stunned as would be expected under such bizarre circumstances.

A spokesperson for the hospital admits that it is not certain whether or not changing the clocks back an hour had anything to do with the patient’s revival from the dead.

When the patient was asked about the incident, he simply responded that he would like to go to Denny’s Restaurant and order the Grand Slam breakfast platter and a pot of coffee.

West Fargo Garage Band Hits Big Time After Being Discovered By Leonardo DiCaprio

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Mind Probe goes viral internationally thanks to a protesting actor.

Mind Probe goes viral internationally thanks to a visiting protesting actor dressed as a creepy clown.

West Fargo, ND – Just as Steve Jobs began tinkering with apples in his garage, three young men playing their music in a garage have blasted off from their West Fargo launch pad.

The local garage band named Mind Probe was recently discovered by actor Leonardo DiCaprio who was on his way back to the Dakota Access Pipeline protest site to offer his continuing support.

DiCaprio who had heard of this new young band that has been writing songs about the Pipeline Protest decided to wear a creepy clown Halloween costume and walk by their garage to check them out.

Obviously, based on the eventual outcome, this initial meeting between Leo and Mind Probe went very well.

The band Mind Probe is made up of: Klaus Iminoff (age 15, keyboard and guitar), Kirk Jolander (age 16, keyboard and bass) and Zane McShtix (age 17, “born to play drums”).

“Their unique and hard-hitting music is an amalgamation best described as half punk, half rap, and half rock,” says Rolling Stone senior critic Anton Kurzweil III. “They’ve written some incredible songs together which are almost exclusively about the Dakota Access Pipeline protest imbroglio.”

Some of Mind Probe’s songs include: Lay Some Pipe, Foil The Oil, Zero Ground, Holy Imbroglio, and Reply To All (which will all be available in time for Christmas on their first CD which is entitled Garage Sale).

Husband Living In Doghouse Learns To Do Tricks For Treats

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Moorhead man banished to doghouse earns treats for learning some basic tricks.

Moorhead man banished to doghouse for being so negative earns treats for learning some basic tricks.

Moorhead, MN – After multiple misbehavings, Mr. Rolph Barker was banished to the doghouse by his wife.

Since then, and after being on a short leash for long enough, Rolph has started to show positive signs of improvement says Mrs. Barker.

“By using a strict system of threats and bribes, Rolphy seems to be learning what he can and cannot do. Also, he used to always be so negative, but we are quite positive that his behavior is starting to change for the better.”

An anonymous neighbor who’s been curiously observing the whole process, says that Connie Barker, a professional dog trainer, has been rewarding Rolph with treats such as beef shtix and beef jerky for learning to do tricks and odd-jobs on her honey-do list.

Every so often Connie will take her husband to play with some of the other husbands-in-training at the neighborhood dog park.

If you have a similar success story, please contact your local dog pound to share what’s been working for you.

Jason Bourne Moving Back To North Dakota After Learning His Identity

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The house he grew up in welcomes Jason Bourne home again.

The town and the house he grew up in welcome Jason Bourne home again.

Oakes, ND –  After learning that he lived and grew up in North Dakota prior to having his brain scrambled by the CIA, Jason Bourne has decided to move home again.

Jason Bourne: I am very much looking forward to once again living in Oakes, North Dakota where I was supposedly raised and in the home where they tell me I grew up. Hopefully I will remember someone there. It would be fun to get out and do some pheasant hunting.

Pamela Landy: After all he’s been through, I am so glad Jason might finally find some normalcy. He is a good guy who unfortunately has been through a lot. Oakes sounds like a perfect place for him to decompress for awhile.

Noah Vosen: We will be keeping a very close eye on Jason Bourne who is still a national asset and hopefully no longer a liability.

Nicky Parsons: If moving to Oakes, North Dakota is what Jason wants to do, I’m glad for him. Since I do love him very much, I may also consider moving to Oakes just in case Jason might be in need of some female companionship.

Gawk Tour Bus To Visit Pipeline Protest Site Without Getting Involved

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Sign up now for the next Gawk Tour Bus trip to see the Dakota Access Pipeline Protest up close.

Sign up now for the next Gawk Tour Bus trip to see the Dakota Access Pipeline Protest up close.

Dapl, ND – Have you been wanting to see what’s going on with the Dakota Access Pipeline protesters without really getting involved?

Would you like to watch history in the making while a major altercation is playing out?

Gawk Tours will soon be taking groups of people to near the front lines of a major national news story while sitting comfortably in a tour bus sipping fresh coffee and snacking on scones.

Gawk Tours is a division of the Rubberneck Corporation which has been safely giving onlookers easy access to major happenings such as aftermaths of hurricanes and flashpoints of social unrest for years.

Gawk Tour president Stanley Ogler: “Instead of having hundreds of cars doing the rubberneck drive-by of some point of interest, we put them all in a big bus and make it a fun group learning experience.”

If you would like to join the next Gawk Tour to go see angry people getting ready to camp outside during a North Dakota winter, simply sign up and wait at one of the many convenient pick-up points using the new Gawk Tour app. Oh, and don’t forget to bring your camera!

Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday

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Yes, indeed, Thursdays are the new Friday!

Yes, indeed, Thursday is the new Friday!

Duluth, MN – University of Minnesota at Duluth researchers have conclusively confirmed that Thursdays are now the new Fridays.

Just as we at the FM Observer have longly strongly suspected, that all-important Friday slot has now been taken over by Thurdays.

Professor Stuard Shy exclaims: “Because of the new extra tilting of the Earth, along with the advent of Thursday Night Football, yes indeed, Thursday has become the new Friday.”

By our calculations, because of this revelation, Tuesday afternoons are the new Humpday.

Professor Shy: “And expect to see more and more church goers going to church on Saturdays.”

How do you feel about all this? Please let us know by calling 1-800-THURSDAY and ask to speak directly with Professor Stuard Shy, whose name ironically can be rearranged to spell THURSDAYS!

World-Famous Scandinavian Folk Singer Coming To Fargo

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World-famous Hidah Tinkenshine will grace Fargo-Moorhead with her more than 100 hit songs from Scandinavia.

World-famous Hidah Tinkenbörg will grace Fargo-Moorhead with her more than 100 hit songs from Scandinavia.

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is very proud and excited to announce that world-famous folk accordianist Hidah Tinkenbörg will be performing in Fargo sometime in the “very near future”.

Few singers ever achieve first-name-only status such a Madonna but Hidah is one of those lucky few who have arrived at super stardom through hard work, a bit of luck, and a ton of talent.

Ms. Tinkenbörg will be performing all of her hit songs that have taken the Scandinavian world by storm for the past four decades. Some of her most popular songs that she promises to play in Fargo include: I Love You, Let’s Sip Some Coffee, Please Play With Me, and of course her biggest hit song: Where Are You Hiding?

How did this come to pass you might ask that someone as famous as Hidah would come to Fargo? Answer: An older member of our staff recently went on a Scandinavian cruise ship and ended up sleeping with Hidah.

If you would like to win free tickets to experience the power of Hidah, please email us and include a line from one of your favorite Hidah Tinkenbörg songs. You will know if you’ve won tickets because a long white limousine will show up at your front door a few hours before each concert.

UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits

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This UFO was seen hovering in many Fargo underpasses this last weekend.

This UFO was seen hovering in many Fargo underpasses this last weekend.

Fargo, ND – “If seeing is believing, then you can believe this one!”, said NDSU Ufologist Donald Parkins who captured this amazing unidentified flying object on special digital camera equipment.

The clear image of this green and yellow UFO was taken at about 2:15 AM on Sunday morning near West Acres.

Dr. Parkins: “Its lights were sometimes on and sometimes blinking but always the same Bison colours and it moved like a large bumblebee trapped in a garage.”

As we have come to learn, Fargo is a hotbed of UFO activity which usually coincides near a full moon.

Since the FM Observer practically majored in UFOs, please send any pictures you may have taken of the flying mysteries to us for public dissemination after we have a chance to analyze them with expensive specially-designed equipment at our spacious corporate headquarters.

In the meantime, we advise that you avoid the West Acres area late at night unless you want to have a personal encounter with a UFO.

Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend

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It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

International Falls, MN – After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes.

Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed that near-term Global Cooling is strong evidence that long-term Global Warming is “getting worser”.

Luckily, Algore’s carbon footprint tax plan is starting to be implemented which could not only save Planet Earth just in time but also win Algore at least one Nobel Peace Prize.

Climatological Mediators will also be doing some large-group counselling sessions with the Global Warming group and the Global Cooling group to see if a nice moderate temperature can be agreed upon by mixing the two.

The FM Observer is proud to have facilitated discussions about this important subject going back to the onset of the common bathroom blow dryer which was later shown to cause the melting of the polar stocking caps just as we had foreseen it in our laboratories.

Here are just a few of the articles the FM Observer has done about this timely subject:
Warmer Winters Maby Not All Bad
Springtime Global Warming Surprises Everyone
Robins Concur With Global Warming
Algore’s Warming Volcanic Activity
Brazil’s Sick Sugarloaf
How To Combat Global Cooling With Bonfires
Warming Causing Rising Oceans
Global Drying
The VooDoo Solution
What To Do With Climate Change Deniers
Go Green With Green Shoes