Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Fargo Hospital Hires First Monkey Doctor

Leave a reply
caption hier

Dr. Bonzo is very excited to begin his medical practice in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND – An area hospital is proud to announce a new team member to its full-time staff.

Dr. Panky Bonzo, who recently finished up his residency at the prestigious Cleveland Clinic, will begin seeing patients this summer.

To make Doctor Bonzo more at home, his office is being wallpapered in a jungle motif with decorative accent strips of yellow bananas along with multiple vines and ropes hanging from the ceiling.

Panky is a general practice doctor who tends to specialize in problems with the hands and feet, such as plantar fasciitis.

He is a very good listener, loves funny stories and can tell a few of his own.

Dr. Bonzo (who is currently single) loves walks along the river, sharing banana splits, playing on the monkey bars and watching old movies.

April 30 Is National Chop-Down-Your-Neighbor’s-Tree Day

Leave a reply
April 30 Is National Chop-Down-Your-Neighbor's-Tree Day!

Today is the day you get to chop down that tree you hate in your neighbor’s yard! No questions axed.

Marked Tree, Arkansas – In the wake of yesterday being Arbor Day, today is our national day to chop down any neighborhood trees that you don’t like. Chop it down today and axe questions tomorrow.

Trees have been shown to provide shade which can lead to Global Cooling. Do your part. Chopped down a tree today. No questions axed.

Many accidental injuries are tree-related such as falling out of a treehouse while drinking a bier. Help avoid these type of accidents in your neighborhood. Proactively start a-chopping. Axe a friend to help.

Trees can be home to many diseases such as Dutch Elm, Treebola, and the dreaded Zika Virus. If you’re tired of being sick, today is the day to make a difference.

So, go grab that axe and do what needs to be done. If they axe you why you’re doing it, there’s no need to mention that you read this post on the FM Observer. You just tell’em, hey, it’s National Chop-Down-A-Neighbor’s-Tree Day!

35-Foot Snake Possibly On The Loose In Moorhead

Leave a reply
caption hier

A reward of free snakeskin boots will be given to the person who captures this extremely large snake which answers to the name “Slang”.

Moorhead, MN – Authorities not wanting to cause any sort of panic in the normally quaint city of Moorhead are quietly warning residents that a very large snake is unfortunately slithering around town.

The snake, whose name is Slang, somehow got loose while a local film crew was working on a new movie called Snake On The Plains.

While the movie-makers were having an extended smoke break to discuss the Carson Wentz situation, the unattended 35-foot armless reptile wandered off in the direction of Concordia College.

Dr. Thiv Simpkins is an expert Herpetologist: “This unusually large snake should pose no threat to the general public as long as it’s not hungry. Do you know what I’m saying?”

If you happen to come across Slang in your backyard or perhaps down in your basement, please remember that even though Slang is a movie star, it is still a 35-foot snake who maybe hasn’t eaten in a few days.

Senate To Debate If ‘Biweekly’ Means Twice Per Week Or Once Every Two Weeks

Leave a reply
U.S. Senate only spends time debating impotent issues.

U.S. Senate spends time debating impotent issues.

Washington, DC – Next week, the United States Senate is set to debate what is the precise definition of the ambiguous term “biweekly“.

Some senators strongly believe that biweekly means twice a week, as in: “The biweekly trysts with my paramour usually happen on Wednesdays and Saturdays.”

Other senators vehemently disagree while believing that biweekly means once every two weeks. Example: “It is time to vote to double our Senatorial pay by changing the schedule from every four weeks to biweekly.”

What the Senate decides could make a big difference whenever the term “biweekly” is used.

Where do you stand on this controversial issue which is negatively affecting the unity of the United States?

You can expect to hear this important question contested hotly during the upcoming presidential debates between Hillary’s Clinton and Donald’s Trump.

Fargo Restroom Patrons Can Use Whichever One They Want Based On How They Feel

Leave a reply
caption hier

Men and Women will no longer be segregated into separate bathrooms.

Fargo, ND – To avoid any possible messy lawsuits, all public and private businesses in Fargo will now be required to allow anyone to use whichever bathroom they want based on how they feel at that moment.

So, if you’re biologically male, but feel like using the bathroom normally intended for females, you just go right ahead and do so.

“Why should women be the only ones who are allowed to use the nicer women’s restrooms?”, complains Mort Rose, a professional activist who founded the group: Social Unrest Crisis Kitchen, or SUCK for short.

Mort Rose goes on: “The old paradigm of men go here and women go there is based on a segregational model, which I believe has been outlawed – because it’s just plain wrong!”

All across F-Town, signs that used to say “Men” and “Women” will now be replaced with signs that just say “Bathroom” or “Restroom”.

Free FMO Adult Ed Classes To Increase Your Vocabulary

Leave a reply
You will learn new words so you can impress your friends!

Learn new words so you can impress your co-workers and friends!

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer will soon be hosting another claborian self-improvement class at our intercamped West Fargo headquarters.

This zaptic vocabulary enrichment training is entitled “Impress Others With Lostic Words”.

Imagine answering a job interview question like this: Your company’s bluctive avation is urgibly ostile.

Or, while out on a first date you say: I love how your nesphisis is so speeblish in this tostive shiller!

You won’t want to miss this obtroctive free training taught by some of the most tholmic frunkers in the region.

Bring your ludger to thrumpet the elmody while meeting other farths who share your same scuvition for glegmatic fonkerness.

Newly Painted Downtown Fargo Buildings To Add Some Much Needed Color

Leave a reply
Downtown Fargo's New 'Color My World' Project

Downtown Fargo’s Colorization Project

Fargo, ND – Peter Maxim, an NDSU student majoring in Color Psychology, has come up with a great idea to make Downtown Fargo more attractive.

During the summer, Peter’s project called “Color My World” will gradually paint all of the old buildings in historic Downtown Fargo a specific palette of vibrant colors designed to bring the whole area to life.

“Gone will be the daze of drab and boring nothing-colors which have made the downtown area about as inviting as going to a divorce counseling session,” says Peter Maxim as he ponders what colors each individual building will be painted, based on their unique location and aura.

Peter Maxim: “Think of this project as basically a giant three-dimensional paint-by-number project needing hundreds of painters to change Fargo’s entire downtown area into livable art.”

Volunteer painters who help out the Color My World project will be provided free water compliments of the Buy Dehydrated Water company located on the internet.

If you would like to help make Downtown Fargo Great Again, please contact Mr. Peter Maxim or just show up downtown with a paintbrush, some safety glasses and a ladder, if you have one.

Fargo To Vote On Changing To Either A 6-Day Or 8-Day Week

Leave a reply
caption hier

Do you think it’s time for Fargo to change its time?

Fargo, ND – With the Fargo City Commission starting to run out of things to talk about, people in the FM area will soon have an unexpected opportunity to vote on whether or not Fargo should change from the normal seven 24-hour days to either six 28-hour days or eight 21-hours days.

Proponents of a change say that some people are sick and tired of the old “24 x 7” mentality and are seeking something new.

Autio Batista says: “Having fewer longer days would give people extra time to get more done each day while an increased number of shorter days definitely has some advantages such as easily providing everyone a nice three-day weekend!”

Opponents against altering Fargo’s time framework believe that the city commission has way more impotent things to discuss, such as the diversion, or a diversion to the diversion, or preparing to fight the dreaded zika virus.

If you are in favor of Fargo changing to either six 28-hour days or eight 21-hours days, please strongly voice your opinion at any of the upcoming Fargo City Commission meetings.

Today Is National Haiku Poetry Day!

Leave a reply
Write a 5-7-5 haiku today and tomorrow.

Write a 5-7-5 haiku today and tomorrow.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, it is once again National Haiku Day!

These are those short 5-7-5 syllable poems that made China famous.

We here at the FM Observer use haiku poems as our standard default method of inter-office communication each and every day.

We’ll show you some of our haikus if you show us yours.

To get the ball rolling, here are some of our haikus, on this National Haiku Poetry Day:

Line one of haiku
We’re into line number two
Third and final line

This is a haiku
Now it is almost over
How did you like it?

Are you ready yet?
Tomorrow is not today
Become the sunrise

My dog is Fido
And my cat’s name is Felix
My car is Otto

A pair of Shih Tzus
It seems like a great idea
After many beers

If you drink and drive
Make sure that what you’re drinking
Is just H 2 O

If fences don’t work
Then why do they have a fence
Around the White House?

Sanders and Clinton
Both stand for Big Government
Hello George Orwell

Went 2 math camp once
8 equations 4 dinner
Number of friends there

This is a haiku
It is almost finished now
Let’s write another!

FM Observer
Your best source of real fake news
We’re always working

Fargo Marathon Decides To Not Have One Set Route

Leave a reply
caption hier

Fargo Marathon begins from the Fargodome.

Fargo, ND – Unlike past years when Fargo Marathon runners had to run a pre-defined, set route to a pre-determined finish line, this year the full marathon runners will be able to run their own routes.

As usual, all runners for the full marathon will begin together from the Fargodome but as soon as they leave the building, they are free to run in any damn direction they want and take whatever route that they decide to run.

Race organizer Troy Aggen explains it all like this:

“It’s a very new concept in marathoning which will eliminate that annoying early-race cloggage and also add an exciting element of creativity for the runners.”

“Just think of it as one of those large pyrotechnical fireworks that goes off into every direction when it explodes.”

“By having every runner’s Fitbit race monitor sending data back to our main race computer, we’ll know exactly how long it took each person to run the 26.2 miles.”