Tag Archives: festival

FM Observer’s First Annual Panicfest Cancelled Due To Lack Of Toilet Paper

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You can’t spell “pandemic” with “panic”!

Fargo, ND – What was to be a celebratory reminder to everyone to not panic during a Global Pandemic has been cancelled due to lack of toilet paper.

Panicfest organizers made the tough decision to cancel the first annual event after realizing that the number of available rolls of toilet paper for sale in the region is now down to zero.

Had the event not been cancelled, Panicfest attendees were going to be asked to group themselves into clusters of nine in order to not break the Gathering Of 10+ rule.

Here are the six things to do in order to maximize your chances of survival during a Global Pandemic:

1. Don’t panic!

2. If you do panic, certainly don’t freak out.

3. Stockpile toilet paper next to your Bible and guns.

4. Organize your liquor cabinet alphabetically.

5. Put everything you touch into its own separate zip-lock bag.

6. If someone comes near you, call 9-1-1.

Moorhead’s Turkey Mitigation Program Getting High Marks

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Let’s Talk Turkey!

Moorhead, MN – The City of Moorhead is having a special all-city meeting to talk turkey.

With a problematic over-abundance of wild turkeys, all options are on the table.

Option #1: Turkey Adoption Program (TAP) would ask Moorhead residents to adopt one (1) wild turkey and keep it in the confines of their fenced back yard with the idea that if kept apart, there would be less wild turkeys in the future.

Option #2: Slingshot some of Moorhead’s wild turkeys into Fargo with the idea being: Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of Moorhead!

Option #3: Market Moorhead Turkey Jerky at all the local convenience stores with the idea that if you can’t beat them, then just eat them. (Another variation here would be for Moorhead to celebrate Thanksgiving monthly.)

Option #4: Gather up all the wild turkeys and turn them into Wild Turkey Bourbon to be used as the centerpiece of Moorhead’s Annual Wild Turkey Bourbon Fest.

Mandan Artfest Is A Continuous Celebration Of Outdoor Murals

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All future outdoor murals in Mandan must somehow include a reference to a Lonesome Dove.

Mandan, ND – In the city that wants to be known as Mural Central, Mandan’s new Outdoor Artfest will run from October 1st to September 30th each and every year.

After the Mandan City Council decided to have their town be the most mural-friendly community in the nation, artists of all shapes and sizes will be descending on Mandan like lonesome doves onto a peace festival.

One travelling graffiti artist we spoke with explained: “Yah, cool man! Me and many of my friends are heading directly toward Mandan, North Dakota to basically live there and do outdoor art, because that is what we do, and Mandan is where we’ll do it.”

Fargo’s Wood-Chip-Stock Festival Attracting Some Major Attractions

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This is one happening in Fargo you won’t wana miss!

Fargo, ND – Organizers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival could not be more excited about the line-up of bands scheduled to play at this summer’s music fest!

Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick are the co-founders and keepers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival.

Chick-n-Tod have graciously leaked to us the list of bands currently slated to play at this year’s festival.

Main Stage: Suns Of Beaches, High Standards, Purse Puppies, Monkey Bars, The Ben Dover Group, Sunscreen Sixty, Band For Life!

Back Stage: Cosmic Muffin, Germane, Tippy Topps, Random Dogs, Epitaffy, Ipso Frackers, Liquid Smog!

Tickets for Wood-Chip-Stock Festival 2018 are free at any place that sells free tickets, or just hack information about this incredible event off of Cambridge Analytica’s facebook page.

Ironically, both Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick can somehow re-arrange all the letters in their names to spell: Wood-Chip-Stock!

Many Apple Pickers Who Choose To Make Apple Wine End Up Getting Quite Drunk

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A glass of apple wine each day helps keep the blues away.

West Fargo, ND – It’s that special time of year once again when apple pickers in the region start thinking about fermentation.

Dr. Zymurgy explains that by using the magic of fermentation, a little bit of yeast and sugar can transform friendly apple juice into powerful apple wine.

Ms. Feleppa Westin is executive apple of the Apple Wine Fest which she describes as one big drunkfest that celebrates the fermented juice from the original apple of sin.

“If you start your home fermentation process in mid-October, by Thanksgiving you will have some kick-ass apple wine for which to give thanks,” says Ms. Westin. “And by Christmas, you’ll be ready to do some serious caroling throughout your neighborhood!” she adds.

Ironically, all the letters in Feleppa Westin can be re-fermented to spell: Apple Wine Fest!

Jamba Joot To Headline Fargo Reggae Fest

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Dennis Brown: “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.”

Fargo, ND – This summer’s highly anticipated Fargo Reggae Fest is excitedly stoked to announce that Jamba Joot will be the headlining act at this year’s all-star event.

Jamba Joot has played at literally every Reggae Fest in the world except for the Fargo Reggae Fest, but luckily that will soon no longer be true.

Event organizer Marley Dreadstone says that along with main headliner Jamba Joot, the 2017 Fargo Reggae Fest will loudly and proudly also include the following world-class Reggae bands: Zero Zero, Silver Haze, Low Ride, Jah Mon, The Brownies, Fourth World, Papa Z, and Tropic Of Cancer.

Tickets for the Fargo Reggae Fest will be available wherever tickets are sold, or you can just buy them at the gate and then join in with the parti, mon!

Jah Jones says: “Ef yah wantah parti mon, dis is de way cool plais fah da Reggae moozeek!”

Canadian Movie Star Thonn Furbeglan To Host 2016 Maple Syrup Festival

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Thonn Furbeglan

Thonn Furbeglan

Edmonton, AB, Canada – The syrup world is abuzz this morning with the announcement that Canadian action film star Thonn Furbeglan will be donning the flannel stageside for this year’s Maple Syrup Cookoff Festival set to take place at City Theatre in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

The competition will be hot as thousands of maple syrupers from around the country bring their best concoctions in hopes to snag the coveted Golden Leaf Award. Furbeglan plans to gleefully lend his talents as both festival emcee and TasteMaster.

Golden Leaf

Golden Leaf

Contestant syrup will be judged thoroughly in the following categories:

  • Genuine Richness
  • Mapleness
  • Friendliness
  • Trueness Of Strength

Furbeglan has been waiting for this moment. “I’ve always wanted to host this, eh? But every year there’s been a scheduling conflict as i’m always out filming Canadian movies in the woods and snow during winter, eh? I’m real-eh excited to final-eh be a part of it.”

Throughout the festival, Furbeglan will be readily available for photos, autographs, hugs and the like, as is tradition. The week-long festival runs from Sunday, January 24th til February 1st, a Monday.