Tag Archives: home

New Home Work-Out Program Called “Flatten Your Curves” Gaining Popularity

Leave a reply

Work out with Jack to help flatten your curves.

Fargo, ND – Are you stuck at home trying to work and/or just survive?

Do you have a ton of snack food in your kitchen, pantry, and garage?

Is this pandemic quarantining causing you to gain some extra weight?

Well then, you need to start doing the Flatten Your Curves home workout program!

The Flatten Your Curves home workout system was scientifically designed by the government to help taxes payers stay healthy enough to continue paying their taxes.

By doing certain exercises in a particular order, you are almost guaranteed to flatten your curves, just like our country is trying to do against the Coronavirus.

If everyone does their part by working out at home, together we can flatten our curves just in time for summertime social distancing.

House-Warming Gift Ideas For The West Fargo And Fargo Area

Leave a reply

Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!

West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.

This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.

Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.

Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:

☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns

Kitchen Remodeling Company Creating Questionably Satisfied Customers

Leave a reply

Done is better than perfect!

Moorhead, MN – OK Remodeling Company has proudly been trying to remodel kitchens in the area for years.

They maybe sometimes miss the mark but at least they try hard and work till the job is supposedly done.

What do clients say about OK Remodeling Company?

Yemane Ambessa: “When we saw what they did to our kitchen, my wife and I were utterly stunned, and then we both started crying.”

Jago Brownlock: “I would like to track down the person who recommended this company to us.”

If you have need for a remodeling company to give your kitchen a new look, call OK Remodeling Company at 666-6666 any time after midnight.

Fargo Family Finds Gold Bars Inside Walls Of Their Newly Purchased Older Home

Leave a reply

Walls filled with gold bars found in North Fargo home.

Fargo, ND – After purchasing an older home in North Fargo for about $240,000, Mr. Dell Glawson and his dear wife Goldie decided to remodel their older home by knocking out a few of the main floor walls.

In going for that more “open-concept” look, two of the old walls dividing the kitchen and living room had to be removed, which they chose to do themselves.

What Mr. Dell Glawson and his lovely wife Goldie soon discovered inside their walls was shiny gold bars stacked from floor to ceiling.

Based on the current price of gold, it is estimated that the gold they found in their walls is worth about $24 million dollars, or almost exactly 100 times more than the purchase price of their older home.

Ironically, Goldie’s Chinese fortune cookie the night before their big discovery predicted: “Mega-wealth will soon come a-knocking.”

Double ironically, all of the letters in Dell Glawson can be remodeled to spell: Golden Walls!

Moorhead Woman Builds House All By Herself

Leave a reply

I am truly proud of what I’ve accomplished with my own two hands.

Moorhead, MN – Evette Brickhouse set a lofty goal of building her own home.

While sipping on a few jumbo margaritas with a friend three years ago, Ms. Brickhouse decided she wanted to build herself her own dream home “with no help from nobody!”

Using the internet, Evette learned how to make bricks in her own old kiln using clay from her yard.

She cleverly found and used scrap wood from neighborhood boulevards during Clean Out Week.

After three long labor-intensive years of doing “just one task after another”, Ms. Brickhouse was proudly able to finally reveal her new dream home to some dumbfounded friends and doubting distant relatives.

Evette in her own words: “I am a big believer in setting goals. Without goals, a hockey team would never win a game. Well, I just fucking won the game of life. And to all my naysayers, you can just bite me!”

Fargo Man Returns Home To Discover Demolition Crew Destroying Wrong House

Leave a reply
caption hier

Fargo man quickly becomes fluent in profanity.

Fargo, ND – You can imagine the shock that Mr. Henry Kaberry who lives at 2088 Muscat Street was feeling when he pulled into his driveway.

While his children were still at school and his wife was at work, he decided to go workout at the gym on his day off.

Upon returning home, their recently-remodeled house was already half torn down by a giant claw attached to some large machinery which had badly torn up his potential yard-of-the-month.

As it turns out, the demolition crew was supposed to destroy the house at 1088 Muscat Street but with the 1 looking like a 2, the unthinkable happened.

Ironically, when Henry Kaberry went in for a routine physical exam last year, he ended up having his gall bladder removed after the hospital mistakenly put him into the wrong room.

Shania Twain Moving To Fargo

Leave a reply
caption here

East is East and West is West, and never the Twain shall meet, unless you’re in Fargo.

Fargo, North Dakota – Shania Twain, the famous daughter of the late Mark Twain, has just announced that she will be moving to Fargo, effective September 21, 2015.

The singing superstar said that after performing in Fargo back in 1998 and 2004, and after seeing the movie FARGO, she has decided to relocate to Fargo permanently.

Her long-time agent, Sofia Lorry, released this statement from Ms. Twain: “Fargo, when I first saw you, I saw love, and the first time you touched me, I felt love, and after all this time, Fargo, you’re still the one I love.”

For Fargo, this will be yet another celebrity who has chosen to make Fargo their permanent home. Others include: Lawrence Welk, Peggy Lee, Bruno Mars, Tom Cruise, Bruce Transjenner, Phil Jackson, JJ Watt, Redd Foxx, Macaulay Culkin, and Ed Shultz.

To welcome Shania Twain to Fargo, the local chapter of the Welcome Wagon has deemed September 21st to officially be Shania Twain Day. If you would like to help out the Celebration Committee by making cookies or baked goods, please contact the Chamber Of Commerce.

Sign Up Now For Exciting Parade Of Hoarder Homes

Leave a reply
Chance to see some unique homes filled to the ceiling with piles of crap.

Chance to see some unique homes filled to the ceiling with piles of crap.

Fargo, ND – With hoarding starting to become rather chic, Fargo is excited to announce its First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes.

Parade president Irv Sheik says: “We’re looking for some major hoarders who might want to be included in our First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes. It’s going to be a real fun event.”

Please call 1-800-HOARDER to sign up or to nominate a neighbor for the Parade Of Hoarder Homes.

Hoarder homes that are selected for the Parade Of Hoarder Homes will need to have adequate paths through all their piles of crap so that people can parade through each room and get their money’s worth of viewing before voting for the winner of the Best Hoarder Award with the Grand Prize being a $10,000 credit to the Home Shopping Network.

Many Fargo Homes Choosing To Go “Off The Grid”

Leave a reply
caption here

How safe is our national power grid?

Fargo, ND – Have you been considering becoming independent from the local power grid and avoiding those monthly bills? Did a large branch just fall in your backyard and wipe out your power lines and you’re wondering what to do? Would you like to be able to survive a national power grid crisis while others sit in the dark?

Well, you’re not alone. Many of your neighbors are taking some easy steps to enjoy life “off the grid”:

Go with 2×6 wall studs, good insulation and 4×8 plywood panels. Slope all plumbing back towards a drain or cistern.

Get yourself a couple of 170 watt solar panels on top, the right batteries in protected storage underneath, a good charge controller, a 2kw inverter, lots of fluorescents and LEDs, a ceiling fan, 12V water pump from a cistern, propane hot water and stove, an in-wall fanless propane heater with a thermostat for those nights when you don’t want to stoke the airtight wood stove, and a 30 gallon propane tank. Be able to turn everything on with a couple of switches.

Your “off the grid” system will act just like a house on the grid, including toaster, microwave, coffee maker, vacuum cleaner and all (used judiciously to conserve power).

Downtown Fargo In The Winter

List: Top 10 Things To Do At Home In Fargo During Winter

Leave a reply

Fargo, ND – Follow up story to the Top 10 Things To Do In Fargo During Winter.  Here is a list of things you can do in the comfort of your own home during the winter months in Fargo.

 

1. Plan A Kidnapping

When the time comes, you’ll have a solid kidnapping plan in place if you ever need it.

 

2. Practice Your Telekinesis Skills

Once you master it, your fat ass can sit on the couch while you use your newly acquired powers to bring the food to you.

 

3. Hold a 20 Minute Conversation With The Wall

Probably the best conversation you’ll have all week.

 

4. Attempt To Learn Bird Language

Figure out what the birds are really up to.  World domination probably.

 

5. Get Drunk And Start A Fight With Your Stuffed Animals

Your chances of winning are high.  Self-confidence booster.

 

6. Spend The Entire Day With Your Eyes Closed Like A Blind Person

Live like a blind person.  Walking in the middle of the night will be much easier.

 

7. Count The Total Number Of Hairs On Your Arm

This will benefit your math skills.  You’ll finally have an answer for when everyone asks you how many hairs you have on your arm.  Very important statistic to have.

 

8. Create A Facebook Account Of Your Alter Ego

My super hero status just got legit after creating a facebook account of my alter ego.

 

9. Play Dead

Lay at the foot of the stairs and stay there throughout the entire day.  Ask everyone you know to stop by.

 

10. Perform Surgery On Yourself

Play doctor and see if you could make a career out of it on the black market.