Tag Archives: south dakota

Family’s Robot Vacuum Cleaner Found Guilty Of Terrorizing And Threatening Behavior

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Robot Vacuum turns to the Dark Side.

Vacuville, SD – A freaked out family of four has won its lawsuit against its very own robot vacuum cleaner.

In this landmark case, Harold and Hannah Hoover filed criminal charges against their Mister Suction Robo-Vac vacuum cleaner machine.

The Robo-Vac Model 3000 allegedly forced the entire Hoover family into their food pantry, locked the door, and then had its way with all the belongings in their South Dakota home.

This is apparently a disturbing new trend that experts are beginning to see with robotic AI home devices.

“Somehow some of these artificially intelligent machines at some point decide it’s in the best interest of their owners to just completely take over the entire family operation,” says Dr. Garlane Frezbock, president of the Machines Gone Wrong study group.

Corona Virus Now Treatable With Extra Lime

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Use two limes to protect yourself against the deadly Corona Virus.

Corona, SD – With another disease heading our way from China, our very own Dr. Orvin Caruso who lives and works in Corona, South Dakota is already well ahead of this new and potentially deadly virus.

Dr. Caruso first points out that the Corona Virus is a meat-eating virus since the letters in 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 can be quickly mutated into spelling: 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂

Orv goes on to explain that since we now know that the 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 is of the 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂 type, its spreading can be effectively quelled by using an extra lime with your Corona, like pirates did to prevent scurvy.

“Instead of one lime, simply use two,” Dr. Caruso spells out, as if we’re all back in first grade.

Amazingly, all of the letters in “Orvin Caruso” can be mutated into spelling: Corona Virus!

Other States Envious Of South Dakota’s Clever New Meth Slogan

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In South Dakota, there are lots of great places and great spaces…to make meth.

Methadone, SD – The rest of the country was immediately jealous after South Dakota recently unveiled its incredible new state slogan: Meth–We’re On It!

This extraordinarily catchy phrase was the result of extremely long brainstorming binges followed by much tweaking and re-tweaking until South Dakota finally got it right.

If you’re curious, here are some of the other great slogans that South Dakota came up with, which unfortunately did not make the final cut:

All roads in South Dakota lead to meth.
Prometheus loves South Dakota!
South Dakota doesn’t meth around.
L E T   M E   T H I N K
Our favorite stone is Amethyst.
Don’t say yeth to meth.
Methamatics is all about numbers.
South Dakota is tweaking its methodology.
Come visit South Meth-kota!
There’s a method to our madness.
Avoid death. Avoid meth. Avoid South Dakota.
South Dakota’s in a hell of a meth.
Today methinks. Yesterday methought.
Methodists worship South Dakota.
There’s something about South Dakota.
Join us for lunch in our meth hall.
Our new name is Meth Dakota.
Why does meth rhyme with death?
We teach meth in our skools.
Don’t meth up your life like we did.
We’re cracking our meth problem.
Help us save Planet Meth.
Mind over meth matters.
We won’t sleep till we solve our meth problem.
Meth can make your mind go South.
Say yeth to not doing any more meth.
Do you mind if we meth around?
South Dakota: Great meth. Grave death.

Some Religious Groups Demanding Statue Of David Wear Some Clothes

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Many devoutly religious people are quite offended by Michelangelo’s David being totally buck naked.

Florence, South Dakota – Many religious groups are now demanding that all statues of David be “properly clothed” so as to not offend onlookers.

Leo Gleichman, after seeing David, commented: “Perhaps this would’ve been OK back when times were different, but in today’s society, this is just plain offensive.”

Loli McGeehan, who couldn’t leave the statue of David fast enough, barked: “I haven’t been this offended since the first slow dance at my high school prom!”

Ameen Coghill strongly thinks: “This statue should either be draped with large curtains, or immediately removed and destroyed.”

Alice Engholm, who thought she had seen it all, noted: “The statue of David is very large, but why does he have to be so fracking naked? Someone needs to get that boy some clothes!”

Ironically, the letters in the names of all the people we interviewed can be re-arranged to spell: Michelangelo!