Tag Archives: app

After Iowa Caucus App Fails, Iowa Dems Using 1920’s Adding Machine To Try And Calculate The Victor

Iowa’s inability to add causes division.

Des Moines, Iowa – Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet.

Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine who was rightly the victor of the country’s first presidential caucus.

Even though the results of the Iowa Democrat presidential caucus might not be certain for months, at least they have a solid and reliable piece of machinery upon which to tally the precinct totals and hopefully then one day announce with full confidence which candidate was the victor.

Moral of the story: During these modern times of apps and downs, we might still want to remember how to do things the old-fashioned way.

Fargo’s Uber Program Offers Free One-Way Jet Rides To Anywhere

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UBER: Your Personal Pilot!

Fargo, ND – After the exciting announcement that the UBER RideShare Program was coming to Fargo, the FM Observer is excited to make another big announcement:

People from the Fargo area will be able to catch a ride to anywhere in the world via a McDonnell Douglas F/A-18 Hornet.

The good news is the ride is free.

The bad news is that it’s a one-way flight, and you’ll have to parachute down to your destination.

The UBER Hornets will take off from downtown Broadway near the Fargo Theater. Pack lightly as space is quite limited.

A typical trip to Minneapolis will take about 7-8 minutes. If you want to have a real riot and go shopping at the CVS Pharmacy in Baltimore, you’ll be there in roughly a half hour. Depending on the jet stream, Australia is only about three hours away.

Using your smartphone UBER-App, simply state where you want to go and when you want to leave, and leave the rest to your personal UBER pilot! It’s better than super. It’s super sonic!

Developers Announce App Designed to Waterproof Your Smartphone

San Francisco, CA – An exciting and innovative new mobile app concept has finally made its way to the market. Get a load of this…are you ready? It’s an app that water-proofs your smartphone!! Vandelay Industries has announced and begun selling the mobile phone application entitled WATERPROOF.

WATERPROOF is designed to make your phone completely water-resistant. What does this mean? It means your phone can finally withstand exposure to liquid. Drop your phone into the toilet, sink, hot tub or bubbling cauldron of lamb’s blood and not concern yourself with the possibility of moisture damage!

The company’s Vice President, Art Vandelay, has given me the liberty of testing this revolutionary new mobile app. Let me tell you, it lives up to the hype!

I’ve left the windows open during a car wash. I’ve had lengthy phone conversations with ghosts in the shower. I’ve run my phone through the dishwasher rinse cycle to get it squeaky-clean. I put my phone in a glass of water on the nightstand before bed to silence text messages from my overly-aggressive therapist. I’ve even taken video of a snowball fight between a legion of psychotic fifth-graders in which I was caught up in the crossfire and relentlessly pelted with snowballs. After all this rigorous testing, my phone still works!

WATERPROOF uses patented Electro-Dry® technology to completely eradicate liquid molecules as they come into contact with device microchips. Simply amazing.

Folks–you can download, install and activate WATERPROOF today for the low low price of only $499.00 and use your phone near bodies of liquid worry-free!

Compatible with iOS 5/Android 4.0 and above. Not to be confused with PISSPHONE: the Golden Shower app. Use as directed.