Des Moines, Iowa – Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet.
Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine who was rightly the victor of the country’s first presidential caucus.
Even though the results of the Iowa Democrat presidential caucus might not be certain for months, at least they have a solid and reliable piece of machinery upon which to tally the precinct totals and hopefully then one day announce with full confidence which candidate was the victor.
Moral of the story: During these modern times of apps and downs, we might still want to remember how to do things the old-fashioned way.
Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.
Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.
Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.
U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.
The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:
◘ When A Man Loves A Woman
◘ If You Don’t Know Me By Now
◘ How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
◘ Said I Loved You But I Lied
◘ How Can We Be Lovers
◘ Can I Touch You There?
◘ Sexual Healing
◘ I’ll Never Love This Way Again
◘ Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
◘ I’m Your Puppet