For all you Protestants, protest signs like this can be made at Acme dot com slash Chumaker
Southern North Pole – Since saying Merry Christmas is possibly offensive to some, we here at the FM Observer Headquarters want to wish all our faithful readers very warm Winter Holiday greetings, to hopefully help counteract the recent Global Cooling which seems to have overtaken our area thanks to carbon-taxing Algore.
The FM Observer was boldly begun about six years ago by co-founders Cody and Nick, who simply wanted to provide an alternative to all the bad, real news. Cody is sadly no longer with us. Nick is related to Jolly Old St. Nick, who happens to be our Nick’s God-Santa.
After six long years of being at the vanguard of exclusively satirical fake news, we have unfortunately (for some) decided to renew our contract for another six years.
So, for any folks who wished we would just go away like Al Franken is from the Senate…no, we are here to stay – just like Robert Mueller’s never-ending special investigation into possible collusion with the Russians.
Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.
Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.
Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”
“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”
Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.