Groups Of Homeless Living In Trees East Of Glyndon

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Each homeless group elects their own mayor.

Glyndon, MN – Even though you perhaps cannot see them from Highway 10 as you’re driving to/fro Detroit Lakes, they can certainly see you driving by.

Many of the groups of trees visible from Highway 10 just East of Glyndon, Minisoda now house numerous groups of homeless people living in hammocks and cleverly designed lean-to shelters.

By mastering most of the survival techniques in the U.S. Army Survival Manual, these groups of homeless folks are “doing quite well for themselves,” so says Dr. Helbert Tessler who has been studying people who live in shelter belts as part of his doctoral thesis for the past 20 years.

Dr. Tessler: “What these survivalists are doing today is not dissimilar to what the original pioneers did back in the 18th century.”

Ironically, Helbert Tessler can be rearranged into: Shelter Belters!

Rooftop Dancing Is The New Downtown Fargo Party Craze

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Paden & The Crofooters doing the dance that began the whole Rooftop Dancing Party Craze in Downtown Fargo!

Fargo, ND – As we all know, each and every new national craze usually starts as a spark in someone’s brain.

Well, the new craze is Rooftop Dancing and it began in renascent Downtown Fargo.

The idea came to Mr. Paden Crofoot after he had consumed multiple adult beverages during a brainstormy evening in Fargo’s hip downtown area.

Mr. Crofoot in his own words: “My idea was what if there were party people dancing at midnight on all the rooftops in downtown Fargo, and it was just like one big party?! Think of it as Fargo’s version of Dancing With The Stars!”

Ironically, all the letters in Paden Crofoot can carefully be re-arranged to also spell: Rooftop Dance!

Fargo Man Suing Hospital For Mistakenly Removing His Novanoid

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Now I gots to go thru life with no-vanoid.

Fargo, ND – After having his novanoid removed erroneously by a distracted surgeon, Donovan Ion is lawyering up to sioux the hospital.

The surgeon-at-fault admits he may have been sexting during the botched operation but veinly consoles by saying not having a novanoid taint the end of the world.

Since the hospital in question clearly lacks plausible deniability, Donovan Ion’s attorney is smelling money all the way to the bank while gathering evidence such as his client’s former novanoid.

Ironically, all the letters in Donovan Ion can be re-arranged to spell: No Novanoid!

May Is Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month

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Good times begin NOW!

Detroit Lakes, MN – With global warming moving into Minnesota lakes country, dogs and cats all across the region are excitedly anticipating hitting the water for some seriously fun water sports.

Your FM Observer is unofficially declaring that May is officially National Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month.

What puppy or kitten would not want to be dragged around a lake behind a boat to show the rest of the world that they have arrived?

Never mind the fact that the frigid water is only about 40 degrees because pets are warm-blooded meaning they were essentially designed for this type of activity.

Please send us photos of your proud pets showing off their lake-patrolling party prowess for a chance to win free a free meal at the brand new All-It-Can-Eat Pet Buffet House.

FMO’s ABCs For Living Happily Ever After

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Being happily married all comes down to following these 26 simple nuggets of wisdom.

West Fargo, ND – With wedding season just around the coroner, your FM Observer is offering free marriage counseling advice to those who seek to soon enter the gates of matrimonial blissful harmony.

FMO’s ABCs For A Happy Marriage!

Always admit you’re wrong even when you’re right. Be accountable especially when paying taxes to the IRS. Communicate constantly either with words or mental telepathy. Don’t try to change your spouse unless it is necessary. End all debates with a hug, a glass of wine, and a massage. Focus on making your self better than it was yesterday. Go for a fun run together in the morning if it’s not blizzarding. Have regular meetings with a Life Coach to discuss your goals. Invest in your marriage by giving yourselves nice big raises. Jot down any ideas that could translate into mega-wealth. Keep a list of everything you do together, with dates and comments. Learn how to agree to disagree, or vice versa. Master the art of small talk before moving on to any big talk. Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’, or with profanity. Organize everything you own alphabetically into stackable boxes. Pray for longevity prior to each and every happy meal. Questions don’t always have answers that make sense. Recognize accomplishments with a handshake and milkshake. Spend money in hundreds while earning it in thousands. Touch more, argue less, is a way to decrease stress. Understand what is being said and unsaid by your spousemate. Visualize your marriage as a flower that needs daily watering. Write and hide anonymous little thank you notes to each other. X-Ray every box delivered to your home prior to opening. Your spousemate is your boss unless you get fired. Zoom out if zooming in is causing too many problems.

In Honor Of Humpday, Defense Dept Introduces An Old/New Military Weapon

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The Zumbooruk is a mobile cannon shot from the back of a camel.

Zumbrota, MN – Cleverly being introduced on Humpday, the U.S. Military is proud to unveil one of its newest weapons to be used in conquering the world.

It is called the Zumbooruk which is a cannon shot from the back of a one-humped camel.

Even tho this idea has been around for centuries, secret military research and testing has spent billions developing this new state-of-the-art weaponry.

Due to a dearth of camels in the United States, all of the camels from zoos across the country (including Fargo’s Red River Zoo) will be called up for military duty and fitted with their very own Zumbooruk. 

Fargo Singing Group To Perform On Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show

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Six Jumpy Biscuits has been asked to sing on The Tonight Show!

Fargo, ND – A very popular singing group from Fargo called Six Jumpy Biscuits will soon be performing on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

Mr. Fallon discovered the group by accident when he literally ran them over with his vehicle while staying in Fargo recently in order to visit Moorhead’s famous super haunted house that Billy Bob bought.

FM Observer: How would you describe your music?

Six Jumpy Biscuits: We wouldn’t want to try, but others whom we trust as far as we can throw have said our music sounds like we’re somewhat barber shop quartetish, cleverly combined with solemn monk chanting and dreamy trip-hop.

FM Observer: Are you nervous to perform on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show?

Six Jumpy Biscuits: No, not nervous, but maybe a bit jumpy. We’ve heard that Jimmy Fallon is perhaps the one who is rather nervous for our appearance on his show.

FM Observer: Do you have any advice for other young biscuits?

Six Jumpy Biscuits: Yes!

Trump To Use LGBTQ To Make America Great Again

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LGBTQ helping to make America great again!

Lazear, CO – In an effort to keep his promise to make American great again, President Trump will be using the LGBTQ for military weapons testing.

As we all know, L.G.B.T.Q. stands for Laser Guided Bomb Testing Quadrants.

These are special areas set aside by the federal government for testing the latest new secret laser-guided bomb technologies which can be used to shoot anything from anywhere with perfect pinpoint accuracy.

Working in conjuction with the U.S. Military on this impotent project are the two leading companies in the laser technology field: The Raytheon Company and The Gaytheon Company.

President Trump tweeted: “I’d like to thank all the members of the LGBTQ community for developing these new laser guided bomb technologies and testing them in these designated testing quadrants some of which will be strategically located near the home districts of some of my Democrat friends in Congress.”

Area Police Setting Up Four Hundred Twenty 420 Checkpoints

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Don’t let this be you today.

Fargo, ND – Via a confidentially anonymous series of trusted fake news sources, the Observer has learned that area police will be staging 420 “420 checkpoints” around the region today.

Four hundred and twenty strategically-placed traffic interventions will take place on four hundred and twenty throughways and byways–perhaps even a few highways–during and shortly after 4:20PM today, April 20th, or 4/20 as it is more affectionately known.

Four hundred twenty law officers will be seeking out suspicious activity, especially that which contains a certain numerical value. Fargo, Moorhead, West Fargo, County, State, DEA, ATF, Marshall, Guard. You name it, they’ll be there. There will be 420 of them out looking for 420 at 4:20 on 4/20.

Police are gently asking the concerned public: If you see any 420 at 4:20 on 4/20, please dial 911 then get the 411.

Moorhead Hoarder Finds Dead Husband Buried Under Tons Of Junk

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I thought maby my husband had left me until I found him buried underneath some piles of things I wanted to hold on to for awhile.

Moorhead, MN – The Department of Health and Human Services is reporting that a woman who wishes to remain anonymous recently found her deceased husband under some of her belongings.

Agnes Elhart of 1313 Hoarder Drive in Moorhead now wonders “why would Clarence have been crawling around underneath my newspaper collection?”

Agnes further ponders: “Maby he was trying to hide from me after that one argument we had about what items to perhaps purge?”

A hoarder specialist working the case sadly wrote: “It is more likely that some of the mountainous pile of endless crap fell on the poor guy and ol’ Clarence was buried alive, until he wasn’t.”