Tag Archives: party

Directions To Our FMO Corporate Headquarters For Reader Meet-N-Greet Parties

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Our FMO Corporate Office Park can be reached from almost anywhere!

West Fargo, ND – In appreciation of our beloved and faithful readers, your FM Observer will be hosting a sensational series of Reader Meet-N-Greets during each of the upcoming weekends.

Expensively fine free food will continually be served by our very own French Chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne including Loony Lobster Bisque, Polar Bear Patty Burgers, Midwest Carp Casserole, Red Rum Spicy Pie, and old-fashioned Butterscotch Pudding.

Fabulous door prizes will include: A vintage Vespa scooter, valuable paintings by Amsterdam Douglass, Get-out-of-Jail cards, one-way trips To Grand Forks, unopened cans of Spam, breeding pairs of Sugar Gliders, autographed and framed pictures of Dr. Willy Nilly, and lots more!

Live Music will be provided by The Double Negatives.

Amazingly accurate fortune tellings will be performed by Precog!

How to get to FMO Headquarters from almost anywhere: Turn right at the next light, drive 4.2 miles until you see a small house on a corner, turn left, and then simply follow our welcome signs. Enjoy! And thanks for reading the FM Observer ☺

Sign Up To Join The FMO Birthday Club For Only $100

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For a mere $100, you will enjoy all the perks of being a proud member of the FMO Birthday Club.

West Fargo, ND – Are you a person who has a birthday and who likes to have fun? Have you been looking for a way to make perfunctory birthdays more functory?

May we suggest that you join the FM Observer Birthday Club by sending us all of your personal identifying information, along with $100 for shipping and handling.

From there, the possibilities are endless!

On or near your birthday, you may receive a personal call or visit from The Pope who might even give you a free rosary, and show you different cool things you can do with it!

We may do a satirically fake-news post about you on our website and unleash it to go viral in South Dakota!

You possibly could get any number of hot pizzas delivered to your current GPS location and/or multiple singing telegrams by entire robed church choirs!

Your name might be entered into a drawing to travel with us to Goosey Goosey Island for an endless bonfire weekend where you may be taught our secret double handshake and possibly be given your very own emergency whistle.

By joining the FMO Birthday Club for only $100, you could maybe win a lifetime supply of some random items selected especially for you.

Finally, for any new and fully-paid members to the FMO Birthday Club, you will not only be invited to go to the Humane Society and select yourself a free puppy, but you will also get to name it and keep it for the rest of your lives!

Fargo’s Wood-Chip-Stock Festival Attracting Some Major Attractions

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This is one happening in Fargo you won’t wana miss!

Fargo, ND – Organizers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival could not be more excited about the line-up of bands scheduled to play at this summer’s music fest!

Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick are the co-founders and keepers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival.

Chick-n-Tod have graciously leaked to us the list of bands currently slated to play at this year’s festival.

Main Stage: Suns Of Beaches, High Standards, Purse Puppies, Monkey Bars, The Ben Dover Group, Sunscreen Sixty, Band For Life!

Back Stage: Cosmic Muffin, Germane, Tippy Topps, Random Dogs, Epitaffy, Ipso Frackers, Liquid Smog!

Tickets for Wood-Chip-Stock Festival 2018 are free at any place that sells free tickets, or just hack information about this incredible event off of Cambridge Analytica’s facebook page.

Ironically, both Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick can somehow re-arrange all the letters in their names to spell: Wood-Chip-Stock!

Andrew WK To Give Up Partying For Lent

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None of this until Easter.

Palo Alto, CA – The Observer has learned, via a tweet posted on Facebook via a StumbleUpon to Reddit cross-post, that famous party animal Andrew WK has formally given up partying for lent.

During the next 39 or so days, WK will completely refrain from gesticulating, gyrating, jumping and juke-jiving among other notable acts also known as “partying”.

WK’s publicist, via reply to a contact form email sent from a web server embedded mail relay forwarder, confirmed that “Yes, Andrew wore the ash yesterday and swore off partying. He said he’s not partying for even one second–no headbanging or rocking–for the duration of the Lenten holiday. The rest of you can party on.”

It is not known whether or not WK’s partying restriction is self-imposed or if he’s under a strict doctor’s order to not jostle his torso under fear of irreparable damage to the vertebrae.

Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election

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President-Elect Jill Stein shown here visiting Disneyland after narrowly winning the election.

Steinsville, Pennsylvania – Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein has finally finished doing her own vote recount in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania.

Based on her new final count vote totals, she is declaring that she won the election fair and square, narrowly beating out both Donald’s Trump and Hillary’s Clinton.

Ms. Stein is being congratulated by many in her Green Party who knew she had what it took to win the election.

Some think that a major turning point for her campaign was when she got arrested and charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief during the Dakota Access Pipeline protest out there in western North Dakota.

President-Elect Stein is now expected to quickly name her cabinet members and then get ready for her upcoming inaugaration.

We caught up with Jill to ask her how it felt to have won the election.

Speaking in tongues, Jill Stein’s answer was: “Я очень рад, что выиграл выборы.”

Delegate To Sue Party Convention Because Nobody Would Caucus With Her

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If nobody wants to caucus with me, I will bring you down.

If nobody wants to caucus with me, I’ll bring you down.

Bismarck, ND – Dorothea Toppen went to the 2016 North Dakota Democrat Convention wanting to caucus but no one would caucus with her.

So, Dorothea Toppen is planning on filing a lawsuit against the North Dakota Democrat Party for 1. non-inclusion, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

The plaintiff also says that someone looking a lot like Donald Trump meanly grabbed her by the arm and pushed and pulled her in a direction she did not want to go.

So, Dorothea Toppen is also considering filing a secondary lawsuit against Donald Trump for 1. strong-arming, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

Moral of the story: When you go to your political party’s convention wanting to caucus, you can sue their ass if nobody wants to caucus with you.

Long Island Ice Tea Party Seeking Their Presidential Candidate

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Wouldn’t the staff members of the Long Island Ice Tea Party Caucus be called the staphylocaucus?

Long Island, NY – Fed up with all the shinanigans going on in government and politix today, the Long Island Ice Tea Party is ready to make its move.

Pre-caucus meetings of the Long Island Ice Tea Party are being held in bars, pubs, and clubs all across what’s left of America.

Party leaders are determined to find a presidential candidate who represents not only the lollypop guild but also the non-lollypop hoi-polloi folks who still love the American Dream as much as they do a good strong Long Island Ice Tea.

Spokesman Ray Schnauzer slurred to his translator: “With just the right ingredients, our party’s candidate will bring to the Oval Office just the right blend of sweet and sour, while delivering the most bang for the buck, do you know what I’m saying?”

After having a few Long Island Ice Teas, if YOU feel that YOU have what it takes to be president, then simply stand up and say “I nominate myself!” at the next pre-caucus getogether of your local Long Island Ice Tea Party.

Fargo’s New Party Barge To Run On Red River Yearound Thanks To Global Warming

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Fargo’s Red River Party Barge

Fargo, ND – Thanks to Algore for first inventing the Internet, and then Global Warming, Fargo’s new Party Barge will be providing tours of the Red River throughout the entire year.

The Party Barge is an actual decommissioned Navy tugboat recently taken out of service during the overall downsizing of our military.

Depending on the season, Party Barge tours up and down the Red River will serve hot cocoa, wine, beer, or shots of tequila.

While riding on the Party Barge, passengers will be able to get a first-hand view of our local nature, wildlife, and homeless population who live under the bridges.

The covered docking area which will be maintained by a group called Pier Group Pressure will sell homemade scones, donut holes, and lefse.

Pier Group Pressure chairwoman Flavia Gracestone says she envisions the Party Barge docking area to be a wonderful new community resource rentable by various support groups, cults, gangs, churches, and political parties.

New Designated Driver ‘Party Bus’ Offers Free Rides To Bars In The Fargo Area

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Fargo’s New Party Bus offers free rides to all bars!

Fargo, ND – Fargo is now offering a new free service for those who have been drinking. It is called the Party Bus!

The Party Bus will provide drinkers free rides to and from all bars in the Fargo and West Fargo area. As punishment for tearing down Ralph’s and Kirby’s, Moorhead is not included.

If you and your friends have been drinking quite heavily, perhaps after a heart-breaking Bison football loss, just use your smartphone app to request a free ride to your next pub on the Party Bus!

This free service, which is thoughtfully provided by Alcoholics Anonymous, will only be available from noon to midnight and will run every Thursday through Sunday.

Have you been wanting to get out more and do more binge drinking but were always worried about getting pulled over by the cops? Now you can, and leave all the driving to the Party Bus!

Condemned Grand Forks Castle Renting Out As Party House

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Grand Forks Party Castle

Grand Forks, ND – An historic old building in Grand Forks which dates back to the Ming Dynasty, is now available for large, wild parties.

In the wake of the 1997 flood, the castle sustained enough damage for city authorities to condemn the place.

Rather than razing it and putting up a parking lot, a motivated group of creative fraternity brothers effectively changed some minds on this issue.

Even though the castle has no electricity, water, or working plumbing, it will be the perfect location for super large and crazy parties since it is virtually indestructible.

Book your event soon as dates are filling up quickly!