Category Archives: Offbeat

Windows 8 Updates

Owning a Microsoft Windows 8 Computer

Windows 8 Updates

 

Jim: Hey Todd.  Can you send an e-mail to our very valuable customer who contacted us today for me please?  My computer needs to reboot for a Microsoft update.

Todd: No can do Jim.  I’m already in the middle of a Microsoft update.  We’ll just have to contact him tomorrow.

 

Next day….

 

Jim: I have the customer on the phone but another Microsoft update popped up and it started to install itself.  Can you take this?

Todd: Sure.  Transfer him over.  Wait.  I didn’t postpone another update and now it decided to automatically install itself.  Says it’s going to restart soon.  We’ll have to call them back tomorrow.

 

Jim: Todd can you….

Todd: No I can’t.  I turned on my computer and updates are installing.  I have to wait until that’s done for me to get to my desktop.

 

Later that day….

 

Jim: Todd, do you kn……….

Todd: Updates….installing updates…..more updates JIM!!!  LEAVE ME ALONE!!

 

Next day….

 

Jim: Well we lost our top account Todd.  We’ll probably be out of jobs any day now.  It was nice working with you.

Todd:  Yessssssss.  Finally got back to the desktop.  What was that you were saying Jim?

 

Questions To Ask Before Joining A Religion

Questions To Ask Before Joining A Religion

Questions To Ask Before Joining A Religion

Below are very important questions everyone should consider asking before joining a religion.

 

Are there unicorns?

Are there dragons?

Will you rape me of my money?

Will you rape me?

Will you rape my children?

Do you think for me or do I think for myself?

Is it ok to pass gas in a church pew?

Are gays your sworn enemy?  If so, would you go to war against them?  What weapons would you use?

Do I get superpowers?

Is touching a woman’s or man’s arm considered sex?

Are animals considered robots?

Do you believe in modern medicine or are you miracle healers?

Are there free donuts available after we congregate?

Do you wear special underwear?

Do you pray to god or use some type of electronic device like a cellphone?

Do you perform mating rituals?

Do I have to give you my belongings?

What date do you consider the end coming?

If Jessica Biel became a zombie and tried to bite you, would you let her get a little tongue action in before you blew her head off?

How many followers does your religion’s twitter feed currently have?

How many times did the Bible’s writers misuse the words ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ before you guys edited it?

If your religion could have a mascot, what would it be?

What is the outside food/beverage policy during worship?

I have an aversion to needles. Will you be administering heroin or any other harmful drugs during bloody sacrifice? (hopefully only applies to Satanism)

True or false: If you keep all the hair trimmings from every haircut you’ve ever had, you would have enough to construct a life-size hair twin?

Where we’re going, will we need roads or no?

Why didn’t Jesus have a wife and kids?

 

 

Update:  A priest responds

Keebler Iced Animal Cookies Game

Name That Animal Cookie

 

GAME TIME

 

How To Play:

1 Look at picture.

2. Try and guess what animal the cookie is supposed to be.

 

Rules:

1. No cheating!  You are not allowed to go get yourself a bag of these glorious things so you can examine then eat the cookies yourself.

Here is your one and only hint.  The picture below is the kind of bag the cookies came in.  I crossed out the animals on the front of the bag because it could have possibly gave away the answers.

 

Keebler Iced Animal Cookies Game

 

Let’s get started!

 

1.

 Frosted Animal Cookie 1

 

2.

Frosted Animal Cookie 2

 

3.

Frosted Animal Cookie 3

 

4.

Frosted Animal Cookie 4

 

5.

Frosted Animal Cookie 5

 

6.

Frosted Animal Cookie 6

 

Can you guess them all correctly?  Leave your answers in the comments section below.

 

A Blast From The Past

Every blog or entertainment website has a blast from the past post so I figured the FM Observer deserved one.  Below are various pictures from the 80’s and 90’s to get your nostalgia on.  You can post only so many pictures before I crash your browser so stay tuned for a second post.

mcdonalds_pals crossfire view_master squish_ballwwf_wrestle_figures
doctor

baseball_cards blurp_balls bubble_tape candy_bracelets clearphone Contra Converse-Backjam-Mid-1994-Grandmama dino-pebbles dont_wake_daddy double_dare duke_nukem_3d dunkaroos frenchtoastcrunchOriginal-732821 garbage-pail-kids ghostbusters_cereal goosebumps_books heinz_ez_squirt He-ManShe-Ra3 homer_butterfinger jem jordan_pippen_rodman la_gear_light_up_sneakers madballs magic_middles mcdonalds_pals mcdonalds_toys my_first_car my_pet_monster nestle_quik nickelodeon_gack nintendo_entertainment_system nintendo_nes NintendoSystemCereal pogs popples post_oreo_cereal reebok_pump slap_bracelets smelly_stickers sprinkle_spangles super_soaker_50 talk_and_play the_reading_rainbow tmnt_90s trix_halloween_glow_in_the_dark_tattoos trolls uforce_nintendo wheres_waldo wolfenstein_3d x-men_tiger_handheld 3d_doritos 90s_shark_bites american_online Animaniacs_Logo