Tag Archives: hillary

President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall

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Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Wall, Texas – Wasting no time after his landslide victory, President Trump announced that he is putting Pink Floyd in charge of building The Wall.

President Trump: “Pink Floyd is going to be in charge of The Wall along our Southern border. It’s going to be great. It will be longer and greater than the Great Wall in China. And Mexico will pay for it.”

In other news, President Trump has asked retiring NFL football player HaHa Clinton-Dix to oversee the special prosecutor who will be in charge of putting Hillary in prism for her off-color remarks.

As the 70-year-old President Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States after running for his first elected office, we can expect to see a long list of celebrities moving to Canada, including: Barbara Streisand, Bryan Cranston, Whoopi Goldberg, Jon Stewart, and Rosie O’Donnell. 

During Another Moment Of Confusion, Hillary Says She’s Voting For Trump

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I love the Donald. I am voting for the Donald and you should too!

I love the Donald! I am voting for Donald Trump and you should too!

Clintonia, USA – While ostensibly suffering from another moment of dazed confusion, Hillary’s Clinton announced she is voting for Donald Trump for president.

After her army of aides and handlers tried to negate her pronouncement, she doubled down by also encouraging others to follow her lead and vote for The Donald.

Reporters quickly tried to change the subject by asking questions about other topics such as “Hillary, what’s your favorite pizza topping?” but Hillary seemed laser focused on the fact that she wanted to vote for the Trumpster.

Daughter Chelsea blamed her mother’s apparent lapse of judgment on the pneumonia medication she has been taking ever since she just barely stumbled into that black ambulance.

President Obama blamed George W. Bush for Hillary’s problems and then went golfing.

Bill Clinton was unavailable for comment about Hillary’s confused state of mind as he was off in a corner talking to some young female reporters about women’s rights issues.

Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe

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Send this basket of wonderfully deplorable flowers to someone you deplore.

Send this basket of wonderfully deplorable flowers to someone you deplore.

Moorhead, MN – A new business is finally opening in the former bustling city of Moorhead, Minisoda.

Hillary’s Flower Shoppe will soon be inaugurating its service to the public.

It will specialize in baskets of deplorable flowers which were rejected by other flower shoppes and which were considered to be irredeemable.

Yes, your basket of deplorables will most likely be made up of faded ugly dusty plastic flowers that were not made in America.

Recipients of your basket of deplorables will be taken aback at your thoughtfulness to send them such a nice deplorable basket of irredeemable plastic flower rejects.

To order your basket of deplorables over the phone, simply call 1-800-DEPLORE or email Hillary’s Flower Shoppe on her private email server which is securely stored in her closet.

Hillary Clinton Recruiting Tech Students To Host Her Email Server

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Presumptive President Clinton ponders potential political possibilities.

Washington, DC – As the presumptive president Hillary Rodham Clinton proactively prepares to move back into the White House along with her husband Bill and his concubine Monica Lewinsky, the former Secretary of State is seeking the services of some smart, young, tech-minded students to securely store her email server in their broom closet so classified information does not fall into the hands of international hackers, or even worse, the Republicans.

The smartest woman in the world has shown a penchant in the past for using a non-government, privately maintained server when conducting official classified government business instead of one that is maintained on supposedly secure federal government servers even though her use of private messaging system software and a private server violated government procedures and federal regulations governing record keeping requirements, only because Hillary is so smart and feels she can do the job of keeping classified emails safe and private better than some federal flunkies who don’t really know what the hell they’re doing when it comes to top-secret information.

As president, Hillary wants to make sure she maintains the high security standards she set for herself while Secretary of State so she can focus all her energy on making the rich (like John Kerry) pay their fair share, rather than wasting her time testifying under oath as to how her classified emails were or were not allegedly hacked by the vast right wing conspiracy.

Senate To Debate If ‘Biweekly’ Means Twice Per Week Or Once Every Two Weeks

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U.S. Senate only spends time debating impotent issues.

U.S. Senate spends time debating impotent issues.

Washington, DC – Next week, the United States Senate is set to debate what is the precise definition of the ambiguous term “biweekly“.

Some senators strongly believe that biweekly means twice a week, as in: “The biweekly trysts with my paramour usually happen on Wednesdays and Saturdays.”

Other senators vehemently disagree while believing that biweekly means once every two weeks. Example: “It is time to vote to double our Senatorial pay by changing the schedule from every four weeks to biweekly.”

What the Senate decides could make a big difference whenever the term “biweekly” is used.

Where do you stand on this controversial issue which is negatively affecting the unity of the United States?

You can expect to hear this important question contested hotly during the upcoming presidential debates between Hillary’s Clinton and Donald’s Trump.

Hillary Didn’t Even Have A Computer In Her Office!

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How can I send a frickin email if I don’t even have a computer in my fricking office?!

Capitol Hill, DC – Our chief Washington correspondent, Mr. Ben Ghazi, was lucky enough be present while President-Elect Hillary Clinton got brutally questioned by mean, extremist, Republican members of Congress.

FMO’s Ben Ghazi reports that when Hillary was asked about her emails, she cleverly remarked that “she did not even have a computer in her office,” after which she yelled:

Hillary: “And even if I did have a fricking computer in my office, at this point, what difference does it make?!”

Trey Gowdy: “Why didn’t you have a computer in your office? That seems a bit unbelievable, in this day and age.”

Hillary: “Because, sir, I did not even have a desk in my office, and even if I did, what difference does it make at this point?!”

Jim Jordan: “With all due respect, Madam Secretary, could some evidence of wrongdoing by you or a member of your staff have been flushed down the toilet?”

Hillary: “No! Because, quite frankly, we did not even have a bathroom near my office, and even if I did, at this point, what difference does it make?!”

Peter Roskam: “It seems like you had a pretty stark office there. Could any incriminating materials have been swept under the rug, by any chance?”

Hillary: “Absolutely not! Not only did we not have any rugs or carpet to sweep things under, sir, we didn’t even have a floor in my office. And even if we did, at this point, what the hell difference does it make?!”

Local Art Show To Help Hillary’s Legal Defense Fund

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Local artist Amsterdam Douglass is donating his ‘Pink Daisy’ painting to help Hillary get elected from prison.

Fargo, ND – A new local Fargo art gallery (YOGART Gallery) is having a special art show (Help Hillary Now!) to help raise money for Hillary’s Clinton’s Legal Defense Fund.

Facing a possibly long stay in prison (15 years) for breaking multiple federal laws, Hillary (The Pillary) is going to need a lot of money to not only pay all the expected legal fees but also for needed protection in prison (by Secret Server Agents).

Fargo artist Amsterdam Douglass: “I am donating my ‘Pink Daisy’ painting (worth an estimated $100,000 on eBay) to help get the ball rolling toward being proactively raising funds to help what could be our first-ever female US president to be elected and serve as president, all from the comfortable confines of prison.“