Tag Archives: mountain dew

Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

The new F-M Curling Club was the deciding factor to have the next Winter Olympic Games in Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games.

When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried.

It turns out that in Fargo, the I.O.C. found everything it was looking for in a Winter Games host city.

From their official announcement statement: “Fargo, North Dakota is a paragon-perfect poster-child place that can host the next Winter Games cost-effectively, logically, efficiently, and safely. Plus, Fargo has a lot of fine restaurants and places to drink mass quantities of bier.”

One insider leaked that Fargo’s new, state-of-the-art Curling Club was one of the main reasons Fargo was chosen to host the next Winter Olympix, since curling has now become the #1 favorite spectator event of The Winter Games.

During this leak, the leaker also mentioned that the only real thing Fargo will have to do to prepare for The Games is create some good-sized mountains, possibly from all the dirt that will soon be excavated for the Red River Diversion.

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

Mt. Agung: nice ash!

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member.

“I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung. That volcano is really, really smart, it’s got amazing ideas, you’ve never heard ideas like these…the best…and it’s going to be a great thing for our country, America, which is a great country, but it could be better, but now it will be better, like way way better,” Trump exclaimed earlier today.

Asked what he was thinking by naming a volcano as a top advisor, President Trump said, “Mt. Agung is yuge and strong, like really strong, and really yuge. Plus it’s a volcano, which is amazing…it’s got the best eruptions in the world, the hottest lava, its ash is the best ash I’ve ever seen…everyone is going to love it, and I mean love it bigly.”

White House staffers had no comment, but insiders tell the FM Observer that they are “drinking heavily” and “mostly just praying”.

West Fargo Runners Admit To Drinking Mt. Dew Before Running 3-Minute Mile

With the help of Mt. Dew, the world record was just shattered by these two West Fargo heroes.

West Fargo, ND – After two West Fargo athletes broke the three-minute mile barrier, they both admitted to cheating by drinking a couple Mountain Dews prior to their record-breaking race.

Zippy Blistad and Flasher Perkins both ran a mile in just under three minutes during the final race of the day.

During their post-race interview with ESPN each of the boys openly admitted to drinking “a lot” of Mountain Dew soda pop soft drink to boost their racing parameters.

Obviously it worked. Unfortunately, both athletes will be banned from the Olympix due to new Doping Standards imposed after recent revelations revealing rampant rule regulations.

If you and your family would like to meet and greet Zippy and Flasher and also perhaps congratulate them on their amazing accomplishment, the boys will be doing a Congratulatory Run through the streets of West Fargo. If they look at all tired or slow, offer them up some Mt. Dew for a nice little kick-start.