Tag Archives: sick

First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now “Acting Funny”

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This is the first machine to allegedly get the Corona Virus from a human being.

Corona, California – The first documented case of the Corona Virus being passed from a human to a machine has now been confirmed.

The machine, whose identity is being kept confidential for now, keeps on saying the same message over and over:

“The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.“

Luckily, the machine in question has been quarantined but authorities are trying to see if it possibly shared data with any other machines within the past two weeks.

Signs that a machine might have the Corona Virus include: 1. repeating weird messages, and 2. just plain “acting funny” in a general sort of way.

If you suspect that any of your machines fall into this category, immediately place them in a large container such as a garbage can with the top lid securely fastened.

How To Tell If A Bird Has The Bird Flu

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caption here

SuperFLUous Bird

Birdeye, Arkansas – With the Avian Flu starting to spread its nasty wings, it might be helpful for us all to know the signs of a Sick Bird.

After months and months of careful research, the FM Observer has put together a fairly long short-list of the most common ways to identify a bird that may be carrying the dreaded Bird Flu:

1. Flies into walls and windows at full speed.
2. Just generally looks kind of “koo-koo.”
3. Spontaneous dry heave-tweeting.
4. Sits in bird bath eating off-brand chicken soup.
5. Calls in sick multiple times a day.
6. Uses too much beak lotion.
7. Unusual bleeding from the eyes.
8. Tries to mate with its own reflection.
9. Refers to all other birds as “Harold.”
10. Sings “Smoke On The Water” instead of its normal birdsong.
11. Nest is made entirely of Doritos.
12. Incessantly posts bird flu jokes on its Twitter account.
13. Repeatedly steals the Jehovah’s Witness propaganda from your doorknob.
14. Flies into a pharmacy looking for XanaX.
15. It flu North, when all its friends flew South.

If you notice a sickly bird manifesting any of these signs, first try not to panic, then immediately call your local Avian Flu Response Center Association and mention the Promo Code KTG723JWSKFYS3V2M.

Government To Begin Grouping People Into “Sick Camps” By What Diseases We Have

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This group of people all have the same disease. Guess which one.

All of the people in this group have the same disease. Can you guess which one?

Washington, DC – With the help of the CDC (Centre for Disease Control), Big Government will soon be organizing communities into groups of people based on what diseases we have.

Since Big Government already has access to all of your private medical records, the group you will be in has already been decided upon by your local community organizing Obamacare Navigator.

People with similar disease profiles will eventually all be bussed to a special Sick Camp specifically designed just for that group, where they will be provided afforable healthcare based on their income levels and past voting records.

So, as the new year approaches, make sure your bags are all packed and that you and your other family members are all ready to be separated for an “undetermined amount of time” so that Big Government can help you help yourself.

New FDA Drug Approved For Your Sick Dog

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Is your dog sicker than a dog?

Is your dog sicker than a dog?

Fargo, ND – Do you have a DOG? Is your dog SICK? Congratulations! You just might have a SICK DOG!

With the recent onset of the Dog Flu, the FDA (Federal Dog Agency) has approved a new drug called SICK DOG for testing on real dogs.

Through an exclusive offer with the FM Observer, you can get some SICK DOG for your sick dog today!

How do I know if my dog is sick? When multi-colors are coming out of every orifice of your dog’s feverish body, you probably have a SICK DOG! If your dog has lost all its fur and is coughing up blood, you probably have a SICK DOG!

How does the SICK DOG product work? Nobody really knows what’s in this “product” or how it “works”. However, if your dog shows ANY signs of improvement, please contact the SICK DOG Company immediately and read them the TEST CODE NUMBER on the side of your box of SICK DOG. The company will then scientifically use this information to determine which mixture of random ingredients might be the most effective on future SICK DOGS.

Are you planning a Super Bowl Party, but your dog is sick? Try SICK DOG!

Are you all dressed up just about to go out on a first date, but your dog is blowing chunks? Try SICK DOG!

Are you sick and tired of having a dog that’s sick and tired? Try SICK DOG!

Interested parties can also find out more about the SICK DOG Pyramid Scheme. Are you sick of living paycheck to paycheck? Are you dog-tired of trying to rob small-time convenience stores? Check out the SICK DOG Pyramid Scheme to learn how YOU can make up to $25,000 every month, without ever doing a damn thing, except calling 1-800-SICK-DOG!