Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Fargo Realtor Being Sued For Calling Bedroom #1 The ‘Master Bedroom’

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Realtors no longer can safely refer to Bedroom #1 as the ‘Master Bedroom’, or ‘The Master’.

Fargo, ND – A top realtor in Fargo is being sued for a million dollars for insensitively referring to what should now be called Bedroom #1 as the “Master Bedroom”.

Lavinia Gamba, founder of Gamba Realty, is being sued by her clients, Dagman and Kusama Sheripov for using what they call an “offensive term” in reference to the largest bedroom in the home that they were being shown.

The Sheripovs: “We were utterly stunned when Ms. Gamba rudely called Bedroom #1 the Master Bedroom! We thought that archaic practice ceased when slavery ended. We could possibly get over the whole thing if we win this million dollar lawsuit recommended to us my our litiginator.”

Lavinia Gamba: “Is this a joke or what? Am I being punked here, c’monow! Everyone up in the Fargo area still calls it the Master Bedroom. If you sue me, then you need to do a class-action lawsuit against the entire upper Midwest region.”

The FM Observer will quickly be adding “Master Bedroom” to our Hot-List of politically incorrect terms, just in time for our next round of free adult education classes which only cost $50 per person per class. At these must-attend sessions, free coffee will be offered at $2 per cup.

Storms Completely Wipe The Town Of Centralia, ND Off The Map

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The quaint town of Centralia, ND is no more.

Centralia, North Dakota – Where there once stood a vibrant little North Dakota town called Centralia, there is now nothing.

“It’s like the town never even existed,” noted one stunned observer who drove by shortly after the storms evaporated.

National Weather Service data confirms that two very strong storms hit Centralia around suppertime but by bedtime there were no beds, no homes, no nothing.

The disappearance of Centralia is already being made into a movie. If you would like to be an extra in this movie, please show up at the former site of this lost town dressed as if you were a Centralian. Please bring your own lunch and water jug as the grocery store is also completely gone.

Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus Believes That Black Holes Matter

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Dr. Hector Svinkhaus believes Black Holes Matter.

Fargo, ND – Dr. Hector Svinkhaus who is internationally known for his work in radioactivity, particularly AM/FM, is now a possible candidate to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his breakthrough study of black holes.

“What I have done here is make black holes accessible to the common people, and now these domesticated black holes can be used for entertainment or as a personal trash can, if you will,” says Dr. Svinkhaus.

The esteemed doctor does believe that black holes matter in that they make matter completely disappear which is a good thing if you have items or pets you want to dispose of or merely hide on a permanent basis.

If you would like to see Dr. Svinkhaus’ personal black hole on display in his living room, please call or stop by for coffee and cookies, day or night, rain or shine.

Delaware Has Broken Off From The United States

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Yes, it’s true. Delaware has broken free from the United States mainland is now floating toward Antarctica.

Dover, Delaware – The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg.

Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean.

There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is also the size of Delaware and crawling with hungry polar bears that haven’t eaten for a month.

Possible reasons for Delaware breaking free from the United States include: 1. Climate Change, 2. Global Fracking, 3. Russian Hacking, and/or 4. Political Correctness Pressure to secede from the country before California does.

With Delaware now completely gonzo, the neighboring states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey are way more vulnerable to oceanic erosion and inland shark attacks.

Luckily, the United States still has a nice even number of 50 states because of the recent addition of financially struggling Puerto Rico.

World Famous Jazz Monkey Set To Wow Fargo Jazz Aficionados

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Thelonius Monkey set to take Fargo’s hot new jazz stage and wow the crowd with his unique world-class sounds!

Fargo, ND – If you are a major jazz aficionado like we are, you are in for a real treat when Thelonius Monkey comes to town with his unique jazz sounds that have won the world over and put him in the main international jazz spotlight.

“Having been playing his own kind of new-age jazz since age zero, Thelonius Monkey is his own idol and mentor. There’s really no one that can teach him anything because he does it all,” says Groove Magazine’s chief editor, Dig Jazzstone.

Thelonius Monkey describes his music as 50% eclectic, 50% electric, and 50% hectic.

He once heard a woman humming an abstruse tune at the grocery store and then immediately went home and recorded his own version of it which became his first jazz hit called Ba Nanny, which quickly jumped to #1 on the Simian Jazz charts.

For hard-to-get tickets to see the incredible Thelonius Monkey do his thing in Fargo, simply call 1-800-JAZZ-MONKEY and book your hot seats now!

25 Eating Tips By FMObserver Senior Staff Dietitian Angie Pitts

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Eating is all about choices. The more choices you make, the more you get to eat. –Angie Pitts

Since eating is such a universal activity, and Eating Well has now become so hip and trendy, we here at the FM Observer decided to proactively hire our own Senior Staff Dietitian to provide free, important, and helpful advice to all of our readers (and also to those who cannot read).

Professional Dietitian Angie Pitts (no relation to Brad Pitts) has compiled the following excellent list of Eating Tips for the 21st Century.

Angie Pitts in her own words: I would like to thank the FM Observer for 1. bringing me on board so that I can reach millions of people who eat on a daily basis, and 2. putting their trust in me that I can provide the latest cutting-edge advice that both you and your family deserve.

25 Great Eating Tips (by Angie Pitts)

Eat while you’re working out.
Never eat on an empty stomach.
Food always goes into the mouth.
Never eat more than you can lift.
When in doubt, poke it with a fork.
Always download before you upload.
Eat more fish than your spousemate.
Cut down on anything that’s saturated.
Have a glass of wine when you’re nervous.
Always carry an extra Snickers bar with you.
Eat vegetables because you are what you eat.
Never eat between snacks, unless it’s a meal.
Remember to swallow to prevent oral dysphagia.
Crown your Chicken ala King with a steak medallion.
To aid with digestion, purée your meals in a blender.
Go for a short jog following each of your main meals.
Eat slowly unless being rushed by a corrections officer.
Do not sit upside down during meals (and no head stands).
For fluffy scrambled eggs, beat them well like you’re Ray Rice.
Avoid talking in full sentences while eating (short phrases only).
Eat as much chicken fried steak (with the white gravy) as possible.
To thicken foods, add potato flakes. If too thick, add beef bouillon.
Eat at a variety of fast food restaurants to ensure a well-balanced diet.
Chew each bite of food at least 40 times unless you’re in an eating contest.
Only eat half of what’s on your plate (freeze the rest for a midnight snack).

Ironically, “Angie Pitts” can be rearranged into: Eating Tips!

Montana Earthquake Either Caused By Global Fracking Or Payback For Unabomber

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Lincoln, Montana: Home of the infamous Unabomber gets punished with a strong 5.8 Earthquake.

Lincoln, MT – Experts are divided on what exactly caused the rare 5.8 earthquake that recently struck western Montana.

One school of thought is that Global Fracking was the cause of the quake.

“All those fracking oil drillers are upsetting Mother Earth who doesn’t like horizontal holes being drilled through her upper crust,” opined long-time resident Miryam Bravenboer.

Others strongly believe it was simply payback for Lincoln, Montana having been the home of The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.

Either way, this earthquake was felt far and wide, along with hours of seismic aftershocks which knocked over beers in pubs and rocked older bears with cubs.

How do you feel about earthquakes?
Are you an anti-fracker?
Do you remember The Unabomber?
How much can you bench press?
When was the last time you sent a postcard?

Fargo Bocce Ball Tournament To Raise Money For Its Organizers

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Who will be Fargo’s Bocce Ball Champ?

Fargo, ND – A city-wide bocce ball tournament will be held as a fund raiser for the personal gain of its organizers.

With an entrance fee of only $50, the tournament could raise approximately $6.5 million if enough people sign up to fill the single-elimination tournament’s giant bracket of 131,072 contestants.

After eight rounds of highly competitive bocce ball, the surviving 512 players will battle it out for another eight rounds, to get down to the final two contestants.

After 17 total rounds of bocce ball games (each to 16 points), a Fargo Bocce Ball Champion will be crowned.

Prizes, if any, have not yet been determined. First prize could possibly be a trip to Grand Forks (no expenses paid). Second prize could possibly be two trips to Grand Forks (no expenses paid), and so on, and so forth.

Twelve-Year Old Kung-Fu Brown-Belt Kicks Crap Out Of Would-Be Burglar

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Man who mess with young Brown Belt end up in hospital bed. –Kung Fu Proverb

Fargo, ND – A young boy who’s been taking Kung Fu lessons since he was six years old recently “beat the living crap” out of a man trying to rob his family’s home.

Little Tommy Maddox discovered a burglar entering their back kitchen door while his parents had temporarily left the boy at home to do a quick errand.

After secretly watching the intruder walk through the dining room, young Tommy Maddox did what he had been training to do for half his life: kick the shit out of a bad guy.

Following some initial powerful kicks to the side of the trespasser’s knees, Tommy Maddox continued to pummel the now-crippled thug with a wide variety of kicks and blows to all part of his body until Tommy’s parents returned home.

When asked about his experience taking on a full-grown prowler who had evil intentions, little Tommy Maddox simply replied that “it was pretty cool” and that he would like to “visit the crook in the hospital to finish the job”.

Area Drought Being Blamed On Dry Conditions And ‘Global Drying’

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Experts agree that lack of rain causing drought.

West Fargo, ND – Our new staff droutologist Dr. Rod Guth has just issued his final report on the area drought.

Rod believes that short-term dry conditions coupled with the long-term Global Drying are the two main reasons for the “paucity of moisture” in the upper Midwest region.

Dr. Guth in his own words: “An earthly dearth of water seems to be because of dry conditions brought about by macro-desiccation from Global Drying.”

We asked Dr. Rod Guth: “Just how dry is it?“

It is so dry that fish are carrying canteens!
It is so dry that cows are giving evaporated milk!
It is so dry that watermelon are the size of baseballs!
It is so dry that they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool!

Ironically, all the letters in Rod Guth can be rearranged to spell: Drought!